In an effort to halt the spread of evil Western culture, Iran is banning Valentine's Day.
Okay, okay. So they're not banning the day entirely. People can still celebrate if they want! They've just prohibited the production and sale of all things Valentine's-Day-esque.
You heard us. No cards, or cardboard hearts filled with chocolate candies. No giant foil balloons with adorable diaper-clad Cupids painted on both sides, or pink and red papier-mâché piñatas. Red roses? They're out, too. Hot monkey sex on red silk rose petals and fake puffy clouds beneath pink and purple and burgundy streamers while munching on chocolate-covered strawberries? Well, they didn't say exactly, but we're guessing that, too.
And this comes just when the tradition had begun to grow among Iranian teens and young adults. Which, to be frank, is probably the cause.
After receiving the instruction, printing works' union head Ali Nikou Sokhan is reported to have said, “Honoring foreign celebrations is the spread of Western culture. Our country has an ancient civilization and various days to honor kindness, love and affection.”
Western culture bad. Iranian culture good. Rinse, lather, repeat. But we have a hunch that banning Valentine's Day will just make celebrating it a little hotter for those who like a little of the forbidden in their love … because that’s the way it works, generally.