April 11

I’m showering three times a day. I feel cleaner than ever. You have to be squeaky clean, because you don’t know if the guy is going to kiss the back of your knees, your toes, your ass…

I can’t believe I get paid to fuck! To disrobe, to let a man explore my body and exclaim with delight; to talk dirty, filthy, to drink on the job.

My job is fucking perverted.

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The Czech Has A Bad Heart

I got with him today, and I was lying on his chest and heard a strange mechanical ticking sound. I thought it was his watch, but he wasn’t wearing one. I noticed this big scar running down his sternum, so I guess he’s got some artificial pump in there? Well, I didn’t short it, so that’s good.

He has a big uncut dick. It reminded me of a frilled lizard. When I commented on his size, he said, “This is nothing, you should see my brother’s. He had the biggest cock in the village; he was famous for it.”

After we had sex I was kissing on his cock and he got a phone call. It was a buddy of his, shopping at Home Depot. The Czech told me to say hi to his friend. I popped my mouth off his dick and said sweetly into the phone, “Hello? I just stopped sucking his cock in order to say hello to you.”

The friend had a fit right there in the hardware store, and the Czech made me go back and forth with him. He told me to ask about his small penis and if he had whacked off today. Ho, hum.

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Later that night I had a date with a rich country boy. He brought me a red rose and a six pack of Bud Light. He kept telling me work stories, which involved a lot of drywall and young punks who “just don’t want to learn.” He talked about friends and family by name, who I didn’t know at all. He suggested bringing me to his 30 year high school reunion. Lord. He asked to carry me to the bedroom. I let him.

He also had a big one. Since he was large and older, I pretended he was my daddy doing bad things to me and it worked out just fine. It’s admittedly hot to see my hot, slim, pale body mashed up against …the opposite.

So today I had a big Czech cock and a big Cracker cock. Both Magnum worthy.

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It’s fun to see how each guy will conduct himself—if he’s nervous, if he admits it, if he’s guarded. It’s fun to work the guy gently, to get him to thaw and relax. Some are so trusting right off the bat, which amazes me. I know they tell me things they’ve never told anyone, not their best friend, their wife of 20 years, or even... themselves. I can tell that some of the things they are saying are being uncovered for the first time, buried so deep they didn’t even quite realize they were there.

I also like finding beauty in each person and part of my routine is complimenting them on one thing about themselves; whether it be their bright blue eyes, their hairy chest, their big strong muscles, their pussy eating skills. I make lots of eye contact.

Here’s how I prepare for my clients: I use a fresh Martha Stewart sheet with each client. I keep condoms by the bed in a crystal candy dish I got from my wedding. I keep lube, toys, a towel, and a glass of water by the bed.

Sometimes when I’m preparing for a session, I’ll play a soft sexy CD my ex-boyfriend (the one who was horrified at the very idea of me being a prostitute) made for me and it’s as if he’s there, silently observing my actions. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil…

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Santa Claus Ate My Ass

The guy who showed up today looked like Santa Claus—white beard, big belly. His day job is in real estate. He’s had his prostate removed and hasn’t had his dick pump installed yet, so he can’t get it up.

He was pretty fucking jolly. He ate me to orgasm twice. The whole time he did it, he hummed in a sing-song way (though it wasn’t "Jingle Bells"). He would pause now and again to say things like, “Honey, I could eat pussy all day!” and “You sure have a SWEET tasting pussy!”

I sat back and pretended grandpa was doing naughty things to me while grandma went to the store to pick up ingredients for a Jell-O mold.

He got off by yanking on his little softy as I kissed him all over and rudely stuck my pussy and ass in his face. His cum came out like pure water, no white goop. It smelled rank, like dishwater left in the sink overnight.

Afterward, he asked me if I’d get with him and another girl. I said sure. He asked if I was down with bi-men. I said sure, but secretly thought to myself, “OMG Santa is BI!”

Seriously, I dunno how I can do this job sometimes with a straight face. Awesome.