They would find reasons to compliment me. One of them would do my hair everyday at work to make me smile. I hurt but they would always try to get me happy. I began talking to more people. I saw how sickly I had gotten and started to put more weight on. I would do more things for me, something I hadn't done in a long time. I would always try to cheer others up though, always trying to help others with self confidence issues. I became a form of a mini counselor. I liked to help and felt others should feel great about themselves always. I like to help others because of what happened to me. I tend to put others before me, and care more than I should, but I believe everyone has something beautiful both on the outside and on the inside. I was taught to look at myself and everyday find something on me or about me that I like that day. This helped to build my confidence.
I allowed myself to become confident again. I would wear clothes that where a little shorter, or a little tighter. Nothing too scandalous but something that showed that I thought I was pretty. There were days I didn't feel pretty, but by then I had surrounded myself with people who were kind and would cheer me up. Even if they didn't compliment me they would make me feel wanted, and that was better than being told I was pretty. I tried to find ways to make myself happy. I cut my hair very short, and dyed it to a color I liked. This helped me a lot because I felt like I made a change that helped me have the confidence I needed. I do believe you should feel beautiful and strong as you are though, sometimes a little modification isn't a bad thing.
I got a new boyfriend who loves me for me. I don't have to change and I don't have to worry about being screamed at. He would never ask me to put my values aside or change, something I had been forced to do for a few years. He knew my past and accepted me with it. He comforted me and helped me get over my ex. He showed me I could love myself. I could be pretty, and I could feel that way. It made me want to help others want to be beautiful. Eden also allowed me to build confidence in my writing. Before, I could never imagine talking about this, but because of the openness of those on the site, I feel welcomed to share. I hope this will give someone hope and strength to love themselves.