I love sex. I think most of us that discover EdenFantasys and spend a lot of time on this site do. But there is a very specific reason that I am such a fan of sex, beyond all the normal reasons we all have. Let me explain a bit for you. I've had issues with depression and anxiety since I've been a teenager. I've been on medication, I've seen therapists, I've done just about everything one can do to combat the stuff that rattles around in my brain. I'm lucky that my family has dealt with this before; several members take medicine for anxiety and/or depression so I don't feel like an outcast.
But for years the medicine and therapy would help, but it wouldn't be the cure all. I would spend time almost daily worrying or obsessing over minute things, and analyzing the smallest social interaction and fretting about it. We all have worries in our lives and everyone gets nervous sometime in a social setting I would assume, but I began to actively avoid social settings so as not to have to worry about those interactions. And then I'd obsess over that.
So when college came around I was a nervous wreck. College is all about partying, going out with friends and hanging out. Oh, you thought it was for studying? I guess so, but that's merely a distraction from the rest it seems. How was I going to handle all of this social interaction, or would I become a hermit, locked in my dorm room? And then something crazy happened. I lost my virginity. And it was awesome. Not the actual first time, it was over in a flash, but the act of sex itself, the endorphins rushing through your brain and the anticipation of it didn't act as a total cure, but really lessened my anxiety overall. I discussed this with my therapist at the time and she wrote it off and continued to recommend me coming to see her twice a week.
But as my sex life continued, I noticed that sex plays an important role in my mental health. When I would be single I would find myself lower and more nervous and anxious in situations. When I was dating someone and we were sexually active I tended to find myself being more relaxed, happy go lucky and overall less anxious. I thought about this a lot and mentioned this to people but always had the connection dismissed.
But I think there truly is a connection between the two, at least in my brain. I've been married for quite awhile now and my wife and I have a pretty good sex life. I'm always horny and ready to go, so some part of my brain is always thinking that it could be better but overall it's pretty good. But like every marriage we have lulls where we aren't having sex as much, or worse yet there will be a dry spell for some reason or another. During those times I find myself retreating into what my wife calls my "head space." During these times I tend to over think things, obsess over little details that otherwise I would let go and not worry about. My wife says I become less talkative and a little distant. I know that I am doing these things but also I can't seem to help it.
But when things are going well I'm attentive, less distracted and very open about my thoughts and feelings. I don't tend to worry about every little thing because I think the endorphins are still rushing around in my brain. I will note here that I have not taken any type of depression or anxiety medicine for several years now, but still talk to someone a couple of times a month. I've discussed this with my therapist and she has agreed that there is a connection between the endorphins and dopamine that are released during sexual activity and how I go about my day otherwise. She again was a little leery of making a full connection between the two and I don't think there is this type of connection for everyone who has some sort of depression/anxiety issue but for me it feels very strong.
My wife and I have even joked through the years that "sex is my Zoloft," one of the medicines that I had tried to regulate my anxiety through the years. I know that the endorphins and dopamine play a large role for me, but I think one of the major things that plays into sex and its relationship with my attitude is the closeness and emotional connection that one gets when being intimate with another person. I tell people I love them all of the time, not random strangers on the street but family members, my wife, my son. I'm very good at that and like to hear them say the same thing. But with my wife, she can say and I can say it, but the times I feel most connected to her and closest to her are when we are at an intimate period. I'm not meaning only when we're intimate, but when there is a dry spell, longer than a week let's say, I lose that closeness that we've been sharing when we have been sexually active. I know she doesn't love me any less, but I still feel some mild rejection and withdraw a bit. It's something that I'm working on. I don't want to put too much pressure on our sex life, but I have also found that being as intimate and as close as we have been during our marriage has helped with dealing with my anxiety and depression issues that haunt me.
So when you're thinking about how good sex is, know that I agree with you. And if you've ever dealt with any of the issues that I have, look and see if this type of connection is something that you have noticed as well. It has certainly helped me through the years.