"You can tell a man he needs to move his finger this way, then that way, then up, then down...all you want. He will still forget how to get a woman off. You ask for the code to Contra, and he'll be the first to scream out 'UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN...!'"
Oblivious
Years ago, if you asked me if my wife had an orgasm every time we had sex, I would have told you “Uhhhhhhhh? What?” Yes readers, this was me. Oblivious as all can be. I honestly don't know if it was because I simply didn't care if she got off or not. Or maybe I knew she didn't but she didn't seem to mind it that much. I don't know? However, if I could go back in time, I would shove a vibrator in my younger self's hand and tell him, nay, scream “LET HER PLAY WITH THIS YOU DUMB ASS!!!” To think of all the years of sex I wasted by just being selfish. Yes, I said it. Having sex with a woman and not allowing them to achieve an orgasm one way or another is simply selfish. So please by all means, stick that nugget of information away in your brain somewhere and let it fester. The cold hard truth may be your only hope if you're allowing this to happen in the bedroom. I'm here to tell you that I let this go on for nearly 8 years. A "typical" night of sex would be where I would cum and she would lie and tell me it was okay or great. Yes, she would lie. How do I know? I have seen this woman have an orgasm, trust me. The other eight years of sex was nothing near okay or great compared to what it is now. So, if you have made it this far without going “Psssshhh! What the fuck ever man!” let's move on to what can help you become the gentleman in the bedroom.
Don't stop! Talking.
First things first. If you have had sex with your partner numerous times now and things haven't been happening for her in the “O” department, you may have to face a brutal fact. You see, most women can not achieve an orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. Some may need direct g-spot stimulation. Or others may require some cunnilingus or a vibration on the clitoris. I know to most men this may come off as a direct hit to your manliness or ego, but you seriously need to drop that shit. Hitting it harder or trying to drive it in there deeper is not going to work. Beating yourself up over the size and girth of your penis isn't going to help either. You're simply going to have to face it. Your partner is going to need help. The first step in doing that is communication.
Stay calm and don't dick out!
If you can't talk to your partner about this, then forget it. You're a lost cause. Seriously. It's another harsh truth but one you're going to have to face. If you seriously can not discuss what happens in the bedroom, after what just happened in the bedroom, then you my friend are SOL! Look at it this way, you just put your penis inside of her vagina. How hard can it be to actually talk to her about her orgasm, or lack thereof. You need to open that door or it may remain shut for years. Trust me, you're talking to a guy with plenty of years of experience. So please, by all means, talk about your sexual relationships. Don't stay quiet. Before you do, there are some rules. Rule one, don't be a dick about it. Nothing closes doors faster. You need to just stay calm and allow her to feel safe to express her concerns. If you take personal offense to what she says, then you, my unlucky friend, just blew it. Rule two, don't be afraid to explore. If she comes back at you with certain desires and fetish that you may find weird or gross, don't chastise her for it. Try to travel down that road of exploration together. Remember, your goal is to have a sexual experience where both parties involved have an orgasm. So if she wants to spank your bottom with a fan belt from a '57 Pontiac, then by all means let her!
My tool bag is filled with dildos!
You still with me champ? Good. If you have talked to your partner, you should by now have a pretty good idea that there hasn't been many fireworks for her in the bedroom. Hopefully you didn't dick out and throw a fit. Hopefully you didn't say something along the lines of “What?!?! My dick isn't good enough for ya!?!?!” because by now I would hope you have realized that dick size doesn't mean shit to most women. So hopefully you talked about finding a solution. Maybe she has told you what she likes and doesn't like. By the way, women who are reading this, listen up. If we men do something you don't like...please tell us. If you like something done a certain way...please tell us. This is a two way street after all. Anyways, if you have come that far and have discussed what you two would like to do about it, then you are on the right track. Congrats. If she has shown signs in wanting a sex toy in the bedroom, don't panic. Don't lose your cool and get all jealous. Most men do and this is common. Most men see it as a replacement for there dicks. That is not the case. It's merely a tool. I have said this countless times before and it bears repeating. Sex toys are tools of the sexiest god damn kind, guys! Surely you wouldn't change a tire with your dick? Or fix a leaky sink with it? Would you? Jesus, I hope not. You see my point. We all need help sometimes. We need the right tools. Having a few in your bag is not a sign that your dick is broken. It's a sign that you're a guy who knows how to please his partner. A guy who's willing to roll up his sleeves and get down and dirty to get the job done! Sex toys are amazing. Use one and you'll see what I mean.
A new dawn...
To make a very long story short, my point is this guys. It is not manly or cool or whatever to just hop in and get out. Do me a favor and switch that around in your head. How would you like it if your partner left you high and dry while she went and found a towel? Exactly, now man the fuck up and do what needs to be done. By the way, sex toys aren't the only solution. Like I said, communication is the only way to find what is going to work best for you. I will tell you this though...
The one night that my wife took my hand and taught me how to rub her clit 'til she had an orgasm was the best god damn fucking thing I have ever experienced in our bedroom. PERIOD!!! Let that either be motivation or a launching pad for you. Either way, be the gentleman and let your lady cum first. Why? Because it's pretty hard to concentrate on trying to get an orgasm while “ya know” is rolling down your thigh. Sick as it may be, let that be food for thought. Now go my children and have some orgasm filled sex for once!