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Don't Get Into A Fight With A Penis Pump...

Don't Get Into A Fight With A Penis Pump...
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We have all had that moment, the deal breaker... but what do you do when the moment lingers? Well, just ask me. I seem to have, well, weird luck. Not good luck or bad luck; just weird luck. So, how does a penis pump enter into this? Keep on reading...

  Honey, I really NEED a donut!

After a few glasses of champagne at a friend's wedding, my hubby and I decided to get wild and crazy. We had nothing but time and, since we were leaving for our vacation in the morning, what better way to spend the night than in some hot and wild positions. Give me another glass of champagne and see what happens!
And what did happen? A brilliant idea! One we hadn't come up with before... guess whose idea this one was?

That one was my idea. Yep, every bit of it. "Let’s try anal," I giggled as I gulped the last swallow of champagne. My hubby looked at me, shocked, I had always kind of changed the subject whenever the topic was brought up. With a big grin, and a bigger lube bottle, he oiled up the beast... and me, of course.

I figured there was a reason doggies do it in the position they are usually found while having sex and proudly got on all fours. My hubby went to work and- PAIN!!! I could not breathe!!! It hurt soooo bad, I thought he had just ripped me a new asshole, literally. And guess what, this is not just a saying! It really does happen folks!

So, as soon as I let him move - realizing the sooner he would exit - the faster I might feel better, we realized we had reached a deal breaker! Yep, we were going on a 1400 mile car trip and I had a new...asshole. After cleaning up, soaking in the tub and -declining the trip to ER, I mean, what would I have said? I though, “No, I am a tough girl, I can do this, I can!”

Oh- you want to know about the trip? Never again will I go on a long car trip with a broken butt!! A cracked one cannot be helped, but broken? Hell No!
-After 50 miles, Wal-Mart for 3 pillows.
-About 30 miles after that, back to Wal-Mart for the Donut pillow.
-We hit the top of the pass, 250 miles, I need a doctor!!
-Seventy-five miles later, NOT getting out of the car, I don’t care if we are at the hospital! After all, what am I going to tell them?
-Hubby was a sweetie-he developed an "immediate sprained back" and was awarded pain pills from the ER doc!
-The long car ride turned into a 2800 mile round trip of me bitching! This was a definite deal breaker, and don’t forget the two years of “no ways” after this incident.

  Sex as a Weapon...

There have been a few more deal breakers in our relationship, you can't have sex for sixteen years and not have a few mishaps! These are two of the more memorable ones, though. I have to say there are some that were pretty close, like the time when we decided to do a slip and slide using Wet Silicone lube... just try to get that out of your hair! Yeah, 6 shampooing’s and counting -I think it was somewhere in the range of about one full bottle of shampoo, later, that we had reasonably silicone free hair. Or the time when we decided to get busy on a back country road, the cop, that knocked on our window to inform us that there was a large subdivision around the hill, was about as embarrassed as we were. Well, at least I can say – it has been an adventure!

You know, looking back on our many and varied deal breakers, I can honestly say--I wouldn't have missed a one! Yeah, I usually got the worse end of the deal and some things were permanent and painful, but they were ours - our personal, and until now, private escapades. We can smile about them and laugh together, now that the pain is gone.

Sometimes it is the deal breakers that you share together that are relationship makers that keep you sharing together. After all, if there are no misadventures, you must be doing something wrong,or, you have much better ideas than we do. But Seriously, sometimes when you do have that great idea - and it actually works - it is worth the times when sex worked as a weapon and the bullet was a deal breaker. Those are the times that keep you smiling together!

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Comments

Loved it! Reminded me of some of my husbands and mines mis advantures and like you I wouldn't chnage them for anything.

11/14/2012
js250  

They sure made some funny and secret memories for us to share!!!

11/15/2012
Edeneve  

Now that's how to conclude an article! Very funny - LMAO!!! Great writing and article - loved it!

11/16/2012

Steff -- this is fantastic! I am so sorry to have laughed so hard at your pain! Bless your heart, really. I thought I was bad at having weird-o freak injuries, but oh dear! LOL. You write the most entertaining articles I've ever read. I've found myself checking SexIs daily (even at 4AM!) to read more of your articles. This one is the funniest article I have ever read ever! I loved the 3 legged husband. I was full-on laughing at that point. You poor thing though! Glad you can laugh about it. Is this article in that contest thingy? If not, it should be! I'm not exactly sure how the articles contests works, but if they're done by people nominating the ones they like -- you let me know! Because this has got to be in a contest. Somewhere! Anywhere. Lol. I love this! I even shared it on FB. Hee. Hee.

11/23/2012

OH! I almost forgot to tell you that I also loved the photo. That is the cutest! I love his/her glowy eyes. What a purr-fect photo! I can't ever capture mine like that -- my cat's not my own eyes. LOL.

11/23/2012

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