"I don't actually take too long to get ready. Your brain is just so slow that it *feels* like a long time."
1. We Hide How Much We Eat
You know, sometimes you read something that just doesn’t sit right with you and you feel the need to let the world know that there’s something more to the story. This is me letting the world know that there’s definitely more behind these “Weird, Funny Facts About Women,” that strangely enough, happen to be factoids that people commonly believe. So let’s dig deeper.
As the author of this list put it, "women eat hell a lot, and they hide it!" Yes, we're sneaky little bastards, I tell ya.
Perhaps some do hide how much they eat, but I'd be willing to bet that for most of us women who are married or in long-term relationships, that ship has sailed. We've decided that if you happen to see us eat, the sky won’t actually fall, and you'll probably understand that. Hey! We're humans who need to eat and surprise, surprise! We actually enjoy food. We might not get as messy as you, but it's untrue that we always hide how much we really eat. On the other hand, I will admit that for most of my life, there was some truth to this one.
There was a time when not only did I hide what I ate, but that I ate at all. I was horrified to eat in front of my partner. Why, I cannot answer. I've been that way my entire life. Even as a four year old in preschool, I refused to eat breakfast or lunch because other classmates were around, so this weird-o thing sort of followed me throughout life.
It is true that some of us have struggled with eating in front of our partners, but that likely stems from the idea that we, as females, are supposed to be perfect beings who don't need food, water and a restroom to survive. But you calm your pretty head, now, because this not eating thing, or only eating enough to survive another five minutes thing usually subsides once we realize we're either bordering the lines of anorexia or we've come to the point where last night's pizza crumbs stuck to the table are looking mighty tasty.
2. We Complain
Most people claim that women complain about everything. It's not uncommon to hear things like "women complain about every little thing," but if you ask what these complaints often are, you'll usually get answers such as "the house isn't clean, she says she's always picking up after everybody else" or "she's just a meanie because she's PMS-ing." Or the actual reason could be that she's sick and darn tired of cleaning up after everyone else.
Here's one that's often said about women and complaints: Hand Her a Million Bucks & She'll Spend it All on Clothing, but Complain She Has Nothing to Wear.
Untrue. Completely untrue. As one guy put it, we'll spend a million bucks on clothing, complain the next month that we have nothing to wear and our wardrobes and jewelry boxes consist of one-time use only items. We'll never wear any of it more than once, twice at most, according to that man. Funny because as I type this, I'm wearing a T-shirt that I've had since I was 13 years old and in the eighth grade. No joke. And yes, even at 23, I proudly wear the words “A Freakin’ Rockstar” across my chest.
I can't speak for everybody, but I'm pretty sure that almost all of us girls wear most of the items in our wardrobes more than just a few times, unless this guy thinks the only items in our wardrobes are our wedding and prom dresses, and in that case, I think we could justify a good shopping spree! Seriously though, most women wear the majority of what they have, and when we say "Crap! I don't have anything to wear," that usually means we haven't washed clothes, and therefore we have "nothing" to wear. Perhaps we should remember to say the word "clean" after "nothing." I shouldn’t go assuming that everybody has read Women are From Venus, Men are From Mars. They clearly tell us that's what a woman means when she makes that statement (that she means she has nothing clean to wear!). Jeez.
3. We Aren't As Hygienic As You Think
“Women don’t bathe every day,” were the words of the author who wrote some factoids about women. "They use all those perfumes and deodorants to cover it up, which is why men never notice."
Yeah, so when you see us step out of the bathroom all wet and soggy, we definitely did not just take a shower. We covered our bodies in perfumes and deodorants. Puh-lease. You guys would definitely notice if we weren't showering often. I mean one day and my hair's as greasy as a pig in the month of July. You would notice. Believe me.
4. We Always Carry Handbags
True for many of us. But the idea that we are only carrying them because we "feel awkward if we don't carry anything," is kind of a strange assumption and it gives the impression one had a brain poot when trying to come up with one more "Strange Fact About Women."
Do you seriously think we love carrying stuff so much that one day, someone (probably Coco Chanel) found the solution for women walking around with nothing to carry and boom! The handbag was born.
No. We don't love or need to carry anything. We carry those bags because, get ready for it! We have items that we tend to need when we're outside the house. You know how you carry a wallet? Well, do men carry those things because they need something in their back pockets? Nah. I'll bet you guys carry them because it just so happens to hold handy little items like your I.D. and money.
Unless you want me to say "feminine products," I'll just say we girls carry purses because we have handy little items we need too, such as, feminine products. Tricked ya! You thought I wouldn't say it. Another big surprise, we also have I.D.s and money and coupons and neat things that we like to keep on hand, only we don't always have pockets like you do, and if we do, they aren't as big as yours, so we carry handbags. Mystery solved.
5. We Can Spend A Whole Day In Front of The Mirror
Well if this is the case for any woman, please do let me know what her day-job is! And also how she is able to do all that shopping, eating, perfume-spraying, hand-bag carrying and soap-opera watching if she's able to spend a whole day in front of a mirror. I think many average girls like myself tend to spend less than 30 minutes in front of a mirror. Then we go spray our perfumes, deodorants and carry our handbags and eat a whole lot before the rest of the day is spent hiding what we have eaten. Gosh. And you thought we had all day to spend in front of a mirror! Silly goose.