Since I was a little girl maybe around 8 I would have these feelings that I never felt before. I liked boys but they always picked on me. These feelings weren’t for a boy, they were for a girl. I thought I was insane and weird. I wondered, “What’s wrong with me?”
As I got older I still had these feelings, but I would push them away and go to the guys. When I turned 12, I was into guys and wanting to find out how sex felt. I was scared. I had no one to talk to. My parents would talk to me about anything but never talked to me about sex. So since I knew I wasn’t ready, I didn’t do anything.
I’m finally in high school and I thought I was the shit. I was 14 with an 18 year old boyfriend. But again those feelings came. Man, everywhere I looked these were all these beautiful girls. I knew about lesbian, bisexual, gays and transgendered, but I never thought I would be in the category. I liked a few of the girls in my school and thought about kissing them and even sexual thoughts. I kept thinking to myself, why do I get these feelings? I know I’m not lesbian because I still like guys, I’m probably just bi curious. Hey nothing’s wrong with it.
At 16 I moved to Florida. I didn’t know anyone. This is a new environment for me. I started high school 11th grade. Since no one knew me if anyone asked I was going to say I was bisexual. I made a friend named Yami. She is really pretty and she was straight but she acted lesbian. It would turn me on. She would touch my breast, sing in my ear, and feel up on me. I knew she was playing around so it was nothing, she knew I was bisexual.
Everyone knew I was bisexual, even people I hadn’t met. Later on that year I made a few friends that were gay, lesbian, and bisexual. I learned from them that it’s okay for me to get feelings for the same sex. So now I was open about it, but only in school and around my friends.
When it was time to go home, I was a totally different. My parents messed with me saying I like girls and I’m lesbian but I would play around and say no I’m not. I didn’t know how my parents would react if I told them. I watched movies, read books, and had friends tell me what happened when they came out to their family. They were accepted or they got kicked out. I didn’t want that to happen to me. So I kept it a secret.
I met a girl named Bianca. She was new to the school and didn’t know anyone, so I got to know her and when I wasn’t with Yami, I was with Bianca. I found out that Bianca was bisexual as well. We would sleep over each other’s house and just hangout. Until one day. I slept over her house and it was in the middle of the night, everyone was sleeping we were the only ones up. I had those feelings again, and I think she had them too, because we kept pushing each other and laughing, then I laid down and she climbed on top of me. I was nervous but I really wanted to kiss her. She leaned down and kissed me, next thing you know our tops were off and she was grinding on me. My hands were all over, but things didn’t get that serious.
After that we became closer but never did that again. I had females wanting to be with me as my girlfriend, but some of them I didn’t like. There was another girl named Jaysmarie. Boy, I really liked her. I loved when she kissed me and held my hand, but she started drama, too much drama, so I had to let her go. Then there was Maria. She didn’t know what she wanted; there was also her being around my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t like it. Plus she was too clingy. So we called it quits.
Ever since then I would flirt with girls but I haven’t gotten that serious. My last serious relationship was a long distance one with a girl I still love named Mitha. It was on and off and she had her baby daddy drama. But now I’m with a man.
I didn’t know how he would feel about me liking females, but I told him. He's perfectly fine with it, maybe a little too fine with it. I’m almost 22 now and I have yet to tell my parents I’m bisexual, but I don’t think I would tell them anyways because I know they will still accept me for who I am. Plus they probably already know. From my experience I learned a few things.
It’s okay to be bisexual, gay, transgender, lesbian, anything you can name. Whoever you tell may not accept it, but give them some space and they will see you’re still the same person, you just like something different. Everyone is equal in my eyes. I’m glad they legalized gay marriage. Love is love. Man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, or even two women and a man or vice versa.