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My Story: Recognizing and Preventing Rape

My Story: Recognizing and Preventing Rape http://blindgossip.com/
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This a bit heavy for a first article, but as someone who has been a victim, rape is a serious issue that men and women need to stay informed about. I admire the magazine Cosmopolitan for making a monthly article about the issue of campus rape and actually doing something to raise awareness of the problem. In this article you will learn about my experience and ways to be aware and safe.

  The Aftermath

My social circle was ripped in two. Half of my friends rushed to my side, and while their concern was comforting and their presence was wonderfully helpful, I felt suffocated by the constant attention and the nagging fear that I would never be able to trust again. The other half of my friends completely cut off contact with me, choosing to believe I had to have made up that story, that their friend would never do that to someone else. I don’t blame them; if I hadn’t experienced it I wouldn’t have believed that handsome charismatic and respectful young man had that darkness in him either.

Except when he started making up stories claiming I had cheated on him, I was covering up for my own horrible deeds, etc. Many people, who had chosen to believe me, instantly deserted me. I was left with only a couple faithful friends. And the threats of violence from my ex led me to seek out the authorities.

I understand why most women wouldn’t want to seek help from authorities. When it’s your word against someone else, and the attacker could have a stained reputation forever, people aren’t going to want to think that this person did something so violent and horrible. In my case I asked campus police about a restraining order based on his violent behavior on campus towards me. He cornered me in my car, placing his foot next to my driver’s side tire so I couldn’t drive off without injuring him, and yelled and cussed at me until my friends saved me from him. He drove dangerously close to me very quickly as I crossed a parking lot, cursing out his window about killing me. The police didn’t want to take my word for it; they didn’t help me get a restraining order. My complaints led to nothing.

Worse than that was the emotional damage. I spent months having breakdowns two to three times a week. I felt violated, used, and dirty. I had trouble being around men, even men I had trusted my whole life. It took well over a year to be able to think about it without pain or fear.

It’s now been 3 years since and I’m regaining more self-confidence every day. I’m still not where I was before all of this emotionally, but I am getting better every day. This experience has made me want to spread awareness about rape. It can happen anywhere, and can come from anyone, and it can be prevented.

  Prevention Tips

The biggest help in preventing a rape is in your mindset. Always know that a date can turn into date rape, make sure you know who you are with, that your friends know who you are with, and that who you are with knows that your friends know. Don’t drink alcohol and don’t give your date an opportunity to slip something into your drink. The second of those two sounds like common sense but you maybe wonder why I say don’t drink alcohol at all. That’s because if you are compromised and report it the authorities may chalk the whole incident up to your alcohol clouded judgment and let him go.

Don’t advertise that you are a single woman living alone. Take a self-defense course, it sounds paranoid now but it won’t when you are fending off an attacker. When you go out, remember the “safety in numbers” saying and bring a couple friends with you. Have your keys ready when walking to your house or vehicle and check your backseat before getting into your car every time. Also, immediately lock your doors and worry about arranging your purse when you get home, don’t sit in the parking lot doing it, especially after dark.

Also sometimes this may not matter, but a forceful “no” can sometimes jog a man’s memory and make him realize what he’s doing. Sometimes that’s all you need to stop him.

  In Conclusion

Don’t let any man or woman take advantage of you. You are a wonderful person who deserves only the best and most respectful partner. Tell yourself every day that you are/will be with the person who makes you happy and lifts you up. Never settle and be true to yourself.

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Comments

irina09  

Thanks for sharing and stay strong dear!

01/23/2013
7Miles  

Thank you for this wonderful advice. I will take it to heart.

02/04/2013

Iwas raped in high school at about seven months into our relationship. I had said no and that i didn't want to but I thought he loved me, that he just didn't realize that I didn't want sex... I tried telling his father, hoping that he would help me report it, but I was called a lyer, a skank, and was shut out. At that time I was not living at home and had no where to turn but to my friends, but by the time I told my school counseler she said that there was nothing to be done since it had been almost a year, but sharing classrooms with my attacker was a hardship that I never wanted

02/10/2013

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