"The easiest boundary to define is the property line. This type of boundary is easy to picture and understand because it’s tangible; you can actually see and touch the sign. On the other hand, personal boundaries are harder to define because the lines are invisible; they can change and are unique to each individual."
For as long as I can remember, I've had a curious suspicion that reality has a way of flipping itself and turning upside down. Hot water can feel cold, and upside down can turn right side up. At what point does a boundary exist? When does it become something that you never expected it to be? The transition can be seamless, and at times confusing. When is it OK to peruse and explore your boundaries and where do you draw the line? When does it become something hurtful, rather than an opportunity to explore each other’s interests?
I'd like to think of sex as a discovery. We try new toys, new positions, and sometimes even new partners. We become submersed in a culture of unrestricted sexual activities. Porn is normal in our society and sex toys are accepted. However, when reality mixes with the perversions of the mind, it can become too much. Where do we draw the line? Where, in a world of sexual exploration, does commitment exist? It can be easy to blur the line between fiction and reality. From porn to cheating, from a story in the mind to pushing the boundaries of monogamy, where exactly is the line of cheating? I don't have the answers yet as I am still exploring this topic on my own. But in writing this article, I hope to better understand my feelings and shed some light on some difficult questions.
In a society where online relationships take dominance, it seems that the boundaries are even more blurred than ever before. What is the difference between a professional behind a camera on DVD or porn sites and an amateur on a social networking site? Is there a difference between watching a woman have sex on a screen or watching it in real life? When does a sexual story turn into phone sex? Who has the authority to say what is OK to take part in? The lines may not always be clear, but communication should be. But the question to me is can we really be held accountable for one type of indulgence when another is accepted? Even if communication is present and your own boundaries are defined, it may still be difficult to determine what is acceptable when each person's logic may be different.
Where exactly does the imaginary line cross over into our subconscious fears and insecurities? It seems that everything is subjective. Once again, it can be very tricky to determine just where to draw the line before feelings are hurt, and sometimes when one partner partakes in somewhat questionable activity, it seems that anything is game. Can we be upset over a casual encounter or have we been programmed to believe that emotionless sex is just a higher form of masturbation?I'm not sure myself and it scares me, but although some things may be hurtful or scary, it is important to keep an open mind and show compassion. Allow your partner to express their wants and desires and talk about them without judgment.
If something is outside of our own comfort zone, should we pursue the wants of our partners for the sake of sexual exploration? It's a very tricky situation and depends on your own emotional maturity. If you think that putting yourself in a situation that is not comfortable but may be pleasurable to your partner will affect you in a negative way, possibly build up to it slowly. This allows you to stop on your terms if you feel like things are going too far. Talk about what hurts you and why, and feel free to let the dirt run when you express what turns you on. You may be surprised to find that you share similar tastes. I can't express enough how important communication is. When you open up to each other, it can help make you feel a part of their desires, rather than left out and hurt.
The more we experiment with toys and porn, the more I'm OK with the idea of a threesome. Who am I to limit the pleasure of my partner, and if he enjoys it, shouldn't I take part in it? Can there really be a separation between our sex life and the things we may do with others? More importantly, will it mean anything? There is a possibility that it could change us for the better by breaking our predefined boundaries, or it could tear us apart completely. The uncertainty is unnerving, but the idea is so enticing. Doing what may be wrong in hopes that it may be right is so dangerous that it has developed an unspeakable allure. But if the gain outweighs the negatives, it may just be worth trying.