What is it about losing your virginity? As a society we collectively obsess about a person's first time to have sex. Inevitably it never is what you might have expected and there is a feeling of deflation that occurs. (Pun intended there.) A guy isn't seen as truly a man until he's lost his virginity, though being sexually active doesn't dictate the type of person or man that he actually is.
In the recent Olympics a big deal was made about a young swimmers' choice to remain a virgin. When hearing that this was a topic of conversation regarding and Olympian who is swimming my first thought was "What, having a hymen is going to slow her down or something?" Being sexually active will make very little, if any difference in the way and athlete performs. The only reason I even have a caveat there is if someone is shagging like mad the night before a big event they might be tired the next day, though there it's not for certain. This young lady has trained nearly her entire life to be able to perform well at the Olympics, why should sex have anything to do with it?
I know you and you do as well. Because we are obsessed with sex and with someone's first time, even if we as a society won't actually come out and admit it. Think about your first time. Was it everything you thought it would be? It wasn't for me either. It's never as good that first time as you imagine it will be. There's just too much pressure on the moment, too many expectations to fill. Nothing can live up to that hype, not sex, not the Olympics, not even someone landing on the moon.
I believe that whatever choice you make with your sexuality is your own. Your choice will be influenced in some way by the people close to you, the expectations of the society that you live in and any religious beliefs you may or not have. Even though I was raised by my family to remain abstinent until marriage; I chose to become sexually active before getting married. I don't think anything was wrong with it and I'll make no judgments about someone else's choice because it's personal. One of the most personal choices one can make in their lifetime, so my opinion shouldn't matter either way.
My first time was like a lot of people's first time. I had a girlfriend that I cared a lot for and as a teenage boy I was going nuts to experience sex. She had lost her virginity previously so at least we didn't have the weight of double expectations. We made out, had some foreplay before I had the first experience of putting a condom (pretty much an epic fail, but not quite) and then that magical moment. That lasted all of about thirty seconds. And then it was over. Her response was classic. "That's it?" Yep, that's all there was. Almost twenty years of buildup is going to be that way. A week later we tried again and it was much different, the pressure was off and we both had a good time and when it was over I thought "So that's what everyone goes on and on about." We couldn't have had a much worse first experience so we had nowhere to go but up after that.
I wish I had known had badly it was going to be going into my first time. My friends who had gone before me had never mentioned anything about it, at least not until I'd navigated my first time as well. Then they chimed in with similar stories to mine, "Yeah, there was blood and she was hurting and I lasted all of a minute!" Stories such as this would have been helpful for me in managing expectations heading into that big event, but none of that advice was available beforehand. Instead I went in with high expectations and felt like something was wrong with me after I had finished because it wasn't this incredible, jaw-dropping experience like the movies and everyone says it's going to be.
I think as a society we should put a little less emphasis on that first time. I mean look at how we as a society view sex. There's a series of successful films where the first movie is entirely focused on four guys losing their virginity. ("American Pie") There are countless other references to the mythical first time that inevitably lead to setting up another generation for disappointment. I mean we're asking Olympians about their virginity! It might make a difference it she was participating in something like the Sex Olympics (something I would pay good money to see by the way) but she's a swimmer. And the last time I checked my swimming speed did not increase just because I'm sexually active. So let's all start trying to help the teenagers and young adults of the world. Let's warn them to manage their expectations, because it will never be what you thought it would the first time. Now the next time, that's a whole other story.