"The most important thing to note about both rules, of BDSM the word consensual is prevalent in both."
Don't be fooled by 50 Shades...
Submissive. Most people don’t understand what being submissive is and sometimes think it’s the oddest thing they have ever heard. Sex is about power, and who wants to willingly give up that power to their partner? Well, submissives do. We live to please our dominants, because from giving pleasure, you get pleasure. I was inspired to write this after reading into about 1/3rd of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” book. Before I continue, I just want to make it known that I in no way enjoyed the book. I feel like as someone from the BDSM community, an actual look into a D/s relationship is necessary, especially with the amount of people who are suddenly curious in the lifestyle after a glorified piece of fan fiction has brought it to the forefront.
What is a submissive? Is it someone who signs a contract and allows someone to do whatever they want to them? No, not exactly. The D/s relationship is deep and complex and is full of trust; trust that the person who is your dominant will give you all kinds of delicious pleasures without fear of that trust being broken. Every D/s relationship is different; there really can’t be a definitive guide saying, “To be a submissive, all must follow rules x,y, and z.” In fact, most rules are personal and vary from couple to couple. There are submissives who are pampered and whose Dominants may want to handle with care throughout the day before their bedtime play happens, and this can be displayed by Dominants bathing their submissives, brushing their hair, applying scented oils to the skin - of course this is all to the pleasure of the Dominant. There are also submissives that aren’t in their roles during their day to day routines and may be subjected to brutal punishment by their Dominants in their private home life – the important thing to remember with this is that it’s consensual. If you’re new to D/s play, the most important thing to remember is the boundaries each of you set. Being forced to do something you do not want to do, or isn’t fun for you or both parties is not considered safe and respectful play. Most D/s relationships are FULLY aware of the fine line we cross between pleasure and pain, which is why trust is such an important factor.
So D/s newbies, please, please remember the following rules: Negotiate ahead of time! Meaning, please discuss what each party is willing to do, and absolutely do not want to do before play. Follow your own rules! Once your rules are set, it’s important to abide by them to keep the bond of trust strong between Dominant and submissive parties. Have fun! We don’t call it playing for nothing. You can also take a peek at the most common BDSM rules that are easy to remember!
R.A.C.K – meaning Risk-aware, Consensual, Kink. Both parties know what they are getting in to and the risks involved, that all parties are consenting to the activities being performed, and we all know what kink means!
S.C.C – meaning Safe, Sane, and Consensual. These rules are pretty self-explanatory, but notice the word that is common in both. CONSENSUAL! D/s, BDSM, whatever you want to call it can take you to the most pleasurable heights you have experienced in your life, but to get there you must be considerate of boundaries. I hope this has helped a few who are new to BDSM – so, go have fun and play already!