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Kinky Roommate Etiquette

Kinky Roommate Etiquette
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In the best of all possible worlds, we could do whatever we want, with whomever we want, whenever we want... but for those of us who live in the real world, having sex can be a process of negotiation—especially when the real world includes sharing your living quarters with others.

  The 411 on DYI

Now, maybe you don’t have a roommate that lives with you in your room, but you live in close quarters with others. Lucky you, you have some privacy! But you still want to make sure you don’t keep them up all hours of the night, or inspire awkward questions in the morning if you’re not ready to field them. Then you might be interested in a bit of soundproofing.

One thing you can do is put heavy theater curtains over your door. It makes you entryway sexy, and it ensures that much less sound travels through the cracks of the doorframe. You can even pretend they’re stage curtains for a burlesque show…

Another tried-and true method is to play music in the background. Now, this may work if you’re not being too loud, but it may also just compound the sound and annoy your roommates further. There are more ways to soundproof your walls if the curtains and music aren’t cutting it. I won’t go into them, but for more information about DIY soundproofing, look here.

If you’re lucky enough to have your own walk-in closet, you might consider turning that into your kink space. You can trick it out with bondage furniture, chains, or maybe even a suspension rig. This can also kill two birds with one stone, because it can be an excellent private space to put all your kinky toys, so that your bedroom can be kid, guest, and relative-friendly. Just make sure you’re the only one with a key to that closet.

A different approach you can take is to stop the sound from the source. If a partner’s screaming is an issue, use a gag. Now this is important: Do not just use a ball gag. Those do not dampen sound. Instead, use a stuffer gag that goes inside the mouth and doesn’t hold it open. If you’ve gotten into the DIY spirit, you can stuff some small panties into their mouth and tie them in place, or you can stuff one stocking into their mouth and tie it in place with the other. This way, sound is absorbed by the material.

If the sound of impact play is a problem, and you are unable to soundproof your play area, you may have to find other, less noisy ways to hurt your partner. Never fear! There are a myriad of other options, including knife play, clips, clamps, clothespins, zippers, fire play, candle wax, scratching, biting, and uncomfortable/sadistic bondage. If you must hit, punching is a good option, as it makes significantly less sound than open-hand slapping. A couple other good options are caning, which makes very little noise, and paddling with the furry side of a paddle.

  The All-Important Explanation

Now, if you ended up making too much noise, and your roommate asks you later what in the blazes you were doing, you may have to become the master/mistress of excuses. Some good ones are:

• We were reading lines for a play
• We were watching Saving Private Ryan
• We were doing a Civil War re-enactment
• We were listening to experimental Screamo

Or, you could go the truthful route with:

• You don’t want to know.
• Having sex, couldn’t you tell? or
• Safe, sane, consensual, risk-aware BDSM

Personally, I’m a fan of honesty, but only you know what your situation is.

Moral of the story: Respect your roommates. If you expect them to respect you, give you privacy, and try to understand your lifestyle, then you have to reciprocate. Be open, honest, and willing to negotiate. And maybe do them a favor or two, like vacuum or do the dishes, before asking them (nicely!) to clear out for the night. Love thy neighbor, even if they stand between you and kinky sex.

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Comments

KnK  

Lol, Saving Private Ryan.

I enjoyed the article and appreciate it because I too am a kinkster. Having kinky play in a dorm situation is hard....

Not so sure how I feel about the punching bit though...

01/25/2011

I enjoyed this article and like the sound proofing. I use egg crate foam to line my walls and the curtains at the door....works well for me

01/25/2011

Lol very much enjoyed this article!

This is an issue my partner and I have been trying to grapple with. She lives in a house with very, very little sound proofing and has 5 house mates so there is always someone around. Luckily I only have one housemate but she is ultra conservative and very much a homebody which limits us to take advantage of what little time we have the place to ourselves. The music thing usually works

01/26/2011
Shumway  

I think "Saving Ryans Privates" or maybe even "Slaving Ryans Privates" would be more accurate

01/26/2011

would love to hear some more DIY soundproofing methods, and what about people living above or below you?

02/07/2011

Thank you for the article! I'm in the process of moving from a single dorm to a shared apartment and I definitely made sure that the person who wants to be my suite mate knew that I was kinky. Now to do the tightrope dance where we're courteous of her flexibility and where we embrace the fact that I don't live in a dorm anymore.

02/17/2011

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