The Zen of Whacking Off
And I did—almost.
That first year, I masturbated exactly five times. I remember the number specifically because it felt like such a huge deal. If jerking off in the early months of our relationship was a betrayal, doing it while we lived together felt like treason. As a cost-saving measure, we’d passed on getting an Internet connection, so my access to pornography had greatly decreased. I had one book of erotic stories and a CD of porn films that I’d held onto, but guilt kept me from enjoying either of them. The few times I did masturbate, it was only because I felt like I’d explode otherwise.
Eventually, I began to realize that I was restraining myself from an activity that I’d been enjoying for years. I put all that frustration on myself because I was afraid to talk to my partner about something that impacted our sex life—and doing so made things worse, not better.
When we’re young, masturbation is how we explore our own sexuality. Jerking off is how we learn to get ourselves off—physically and mentally—and develop the habits that become the foundation of arousal later in life. We maintain the practice throughout adulthood, but many feel the need to curb self-gratification upon entering a long-term, meaningful relationship. In The Guide to Getting it On (now in its 11th printing from Goofy Foot Press), however, Paul Joannides writes, “Contrary to what you might think, (masturbation) will sometimes play an important role in relationships even when the sex between you and your partner is totally satisfying.”
During the early days of a relationship, it’s easy forget why you ever needed to touch yourself, but masturbation isn’t a replacement for sex—it’s a different kind of sex. There’s no reason to lose that connection because you have a sexual partner. Masturbation can be relaxing, fun and an efficient stress reliever.
It can also take the edge off when one partner is in the mood and the other is not. It’s important to discuss comfort zones with your partner. For some, masturbation may be something that is only acceptable when one partner is home alone, while others may have no problem knowing that their partner is jerking off upstairs while they catch up with their Netflix queue downstairs.
Jerking off shouldn’t be reserved just for alone time, though. Most people have a well-developed set of sensitivities and sexual triggers. Watching your partner pull those triggers for him/herself can provide a valuable framework for how you should proceed. Watching your partner masturbate can be a great way to learn about how they like to be touched. Seeing what kind of pressure they apply, the speed of their gestures, how they breathe, and what and where they touch is not only a body map of their erogenous zones, but a how-to manual as well. Added bonus: It’s sexy as hell.
That first year, I masturbated exactly five times. I remember the number specifically because it felt like such a huge deal. If jerking off in the early months of our relationship was a betrayal, doing it while we lived together felt like treason. As a cost-saving measure, we’d passed on getting an Internet connection, so my access to pornography had greatly decreased. I had one book of erotic stories and a CD of porn films that I’d held onto, but guilt kept me from enjoying either of them. The few times I did masturbate, it was only because I felt like I’d explode otherwise.
Eventually, I began to realize that I was restraining myself from an activity that I’d been enjoying for years. I put all that frustration on myself because I was afraid to talk to my partner about something that impacted our sex life—and doing so made things worse, not better.
When we’re young, masturbation is how we explore our own sexuality. Jerking off is how we learn to get ourselves off—physically and mentally—and develop the habits that become the foundation of arousal later in life. We maintain the practice throughout adulthood, but many feel the need to curb self-gratification upon entering a long-term, meaningful relationship. In The Guide to Getting it On (now in its 11th printing from Goofy Foot Press), however, Paul Joannides writes, “Contrary to what you might think, (masturbation) will sometimes play an important role in relationships even when the sex between you and your partner is totally satisfying.”
During the early days of a relationship, it’s easy forget why you ever needed to touch yourself, but masturbation isn’t a replacement for sex—it’s a different kind of sex. There’s no reason to lose that connection because you have a sexual partner. Masturbation can be relaxing, fun and an efficient stress reliever.
It can also take the edge off when one partner is in the mood and the other is not. It’s important to discuss comfort zones with your partner. For some, masturbation may be something that is only acceptable when one partner is home alone, while others may have no problem knowing that their partner is jerking off upstairs while they catch up with their Netflix queue downstairs.
Jerking off shouldn’t be reserved just for alone time, though. Most people have a well-developed set of sensitivities and sexual triggers. Watching your partner pull those triggers for him/herself can provide a valuable framework for how you should proceed. Watching your partner masturbate can be a great way to learn about how they like to be touched. Seeing what kind of pressure they apply, the speed of their gestures, how they breathe, and what and where they touch is not only a body map of their erogenous zones, but a how-to manual as well. Added bonus: It’s sexy as hell.
Hello there I am searching for answers on how I can be ok with letting my boyfriend masturbate. I want so badly to let him especially because I know it is only natural. I just feel like I am being betrayed especially since we don't have much sex to begin with and I am always horny and always want him. This article helped a bit and I have talked to him a lot it is just hard to let it go in my mind.