Underneath the Buckle of the Bible Belt

(Editor's note: Part 1 of the interview can be found here.)

In New York or L.A., a dominatrix if full regalia could walk the streets, if not unremarked, at least unmolested, but I doubted the same would hold true way down south in the land of cotton, where old times they are not forgotten. Look away, Dixie Land. Look away, indeed. Just how does a Domme survive and thrive in the Bible Belt?

Do people in your “straight” life have any inkling of what you do on the side?

I don’t specifically hide it, but I don’t specifically say what I’m into either. I actually have a bit of an advantage in that I’ve always been a bit of an alternative person. In my teens—and I’m dating myself here—I used to hang out with the glam rock drug crowd. I was one of those people back behind the school smoking cigarettes or pot before class. I hung out with the stoners and the drama geeks. I was never one of the popular kids. Once I got out of school, I discovered the Goth industrial crowd, the vampire role-playing crowd, and I’ve always played D & D (Dungeons and Dragons). I’m a geek alternative person, so the fact that somebody knows that I’m into alternative things… I don’t really give two craps about.

The only people that I would have cared about were my grandparents. They lived 500 miles from here, way up north. I saw them a couple of times a year, but now they’ve all passed on. I’m pretty much estranged from my family. Lots of history there. My dad’s an alcoholic. No, he’s a drunk. Alcoholics want to get better. Drunks don’t, so I stay away from them. It’s kind of just me, and some nights that scares you, to realize that you are pretty much all you’ve got. Other times it’s very liberating.

Do you have any siblings?

I have two brothers and one of them is on the Internet. He did discover the website. He called me, and he goes, “Sis, what’s a dominatrix?” I told him, “It’s not a hooker.” (laughs) And he says, “Okay. You know what? There are just some things I don’t need to know about my sister.”

My mother is also someone I wouldn’t want to know exactly everything I do, although I’ve told her that I’m a dominant. Finally, I got tired of hiding—having to put everything away when she came over—and I told her, “Mom, I’m a dominant.” And she said, “What?” So I said, “I like to hurt people, Mom, and I like to hurt people that want to be hurt.” And she says, “Oh, thank God! I thought you were about to tell me that you’re gay.” (laughs) So I guess we just won’t mention the bisexual part—one shock at a time.

Let’s talk about some of the people that helped you realize your potential.

I’ve been really, really lucky. I’ve had exposure to some amazing people. Charlotte has a local group CAPEX (Charlotte Area Power Exchange), and I was on the board for three years. CAPEX gave me the ability to have one-on-one interaction with some of the names that we brought into the events, like John Warren, who writes a lot about domination, and Jack McGeorge who taught me about interrogation play.

Being on the board of an organization, while it’s a lot of work, you also have the opportunity to talk to people. You have a lot of personal interaction that you wouldn’t have otherwise. I really used that to my advantage. CAPEX is pansexual. At the time I was in it, there were probably about 150 contributors. We topped out at about 175. This was several years ago. Now the organization is somewhat smaller, but it’s still highly respected in the area and on the East Coast.

Is it like any organization? Do politics get in the way?

(Laughs) There were politics at my mother’s women’s ministries group; at the PTA. Any time you have an association. After three years of being on the board, I was kind of burnt-out on it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to serve the community anymore; it was that I wanted to find a different way to serve the community. So I started putting together presentations, and I present on four or five different topics, and I’m always writing new ones. If somebody says, “Can you do a toy-bag explosion?” or “Tell us about your toys”—I can do that. I have a presentation on vampire role-play that’s been extremely popular. I’ve been able to give that all up and down the East Coast.

What kind of venues do you present at?

There’s this really interesting event called Frolicon in Atlanta, it happens every year. It’s the only convention of its type that I know of. It brings together people that are into S&M, swingers, the Goth industrial scene, the music scene, the convention kids. It’s probably the most interesting bunch of people you are going to find anywhere. That’s one of the places I’ve given my vampire role-play presentation. The really cool thing about it is they have play parties and demos, but they also have dances and drinking events. You can play your little heart out in the afternoon, then go to a party and drink that night, because you know you can’t drink and play—for safety reasons.

Like you wouldn’t drink and drive.

Exactly. I’m not necessarily and advocate of what they call “Safe, Sane and Consensual.” There’s another term “RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink.” I’m more aligned with that…. I like to do ball busting, and that’s not necessarily completely safe, nor is it completely sane, but I’ve had training, and I’ve consulted with nurses and other medical professionals on the safest way to kick somebody in the balls. If you’re strictly SSC, that would fall outside of the bounds. However, if the person I’m playing with knows I’ve had training and he accepts the responsibility that this is something he wants and enjoys, and accepts that there are risks associated with that….

Do you cover yourself legally? Is there some kind of release form your clients sign?

No, and that’s something that’s always in the back of your mind. Whether you’re playing professionally or you’re playing at an event—you can play at an event and something can go wrong. It’s not so much inherent in professional versus lifestyle; it’s inherent in the play that you do. That’s why you don’t drink. That’s why you don’t do drugs. That’s why you don’t offer to do something to somebody that you don’t know how to do.

I’ve actually had [clients request services I do not perform]. One of the things I don’t do is full face—strangulations or smothering or anything like that. I do some breath play, where I’m just kind of like holding the nose, but I can see the whole face. I don’t do the latex body suit kind of thing because I’m not trained in that—and I’ll tell somebody that because being safe and not having an accident in my playroom is more important to me than making money.

The money buys my toys, it pays for my clothes, it buys the equipment, but it would never pay if I actually hurt somebody or if I had a medical emergency. I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror. At the end of the day, the money is completely secondary—it’s about having fun, experiencing that variety. Nothing can bring variety into your life like this profession, because you never know what the person on the other end is going to be asking for this time. I’ve been playing for over 13 years now, and after awhile the usual slap and tickle gets a little boring.

Is there something that someone asks for, and you’re thinking: If I have to do “X” again, I’ll tear my own head off?

After a while, it might even be nice to do something Vanilla. (laughs) You find that the more you do this, the more you want to do it. The more the variety there is, the more you want. The first time I did an interrogation scene, I had other people there obviously, but the person I was interrogating had specifically said he liked being slapped in the face. This was something that I hadn’t come across before, so I had someone show me how to safely slap somebody in the face without dislocating their jaw or breaking their nose. I remember the first time I slapped somebody across the face; it was so awesome!

Where do think it comes from in them, that they want you to do that?

You know, I’ve tried to get inside the heads of my subs, but I am not a submissive. For some people, I think it goes back to childhood where they’re reliving an abuse situation. For some, they find being slapped in the face is terribly humiliating, and they like that feeling. This is where the fact that I don’t switch and I don’t sub are a bit of a liability, because I can’t really know why they like it, I just know that they do.

I would think being here in the Bible Belt, there might me a lot of people who would need your services.

Yes, there are a lot of people repressing themselves around here. (laughs)