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The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part One—Birth of a Dominatrix

The Sexis Interview: Mistress Mine, Part One—Birth of a Dominatrix
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When the average person thinks of Charlotte, North Carolina, what most often springs to mind is Bible Belt, Banking, NASCAR and the PTL debacle. Debauchery? Not so much—well, except for the PTL debacle, but BDSM? You might be surprised...

  The Client Question

How did you end up transitioning from a personal level to the professional level?

I trained under Savannah and I learned the business of kink under Savannah. In addition to learning how the toys worked, which was the main reason I went to her, she also showed me how to screen clients.

How do you screen them?

Well, the client may normally feel like we’re alone, but there are two cars in the driveway when they pull in. So, they already know there’s somebody else in the house, whether or not the thought crosses their mind. My boyfriend stays here and he’s very much into what I do—it’s part of our relationship. He’s my security. When I’m in the playroom with a client, he sits in another room and listens in. Not only is that good for me, it’s good for the client.

I had a situation where the client passed out while he was on the cross, and I’m pretty strong, but he was a larger gentleman, so it was helpful to have somebody else here that could help me get him down. It is for my safety, but it’s also for theirs. But—knock on wood—people never know that he’s here. I’ve been training out of this location for five years, and he’s been with me the whole time. He sits in another room, he has one headphone with the television on so he can hear the TV, and one ear hooked into me. That’s one line of safety. The second line of safety is my training.

Could you go into a little more detail about how you vet potential clients? What are the steps from first email to first session?

I have a pretty standard way that I like to do things. I don’t see everyone that asks. I’m pretty picky, actually, and because I have a day job that provides most of my income, I can afford to be.

I have a little form on my webpage that pretty much covers all my basic first questions. If a potential client takes the time to fill it out completely—I find I’m more interested in contacting him/her back quickly. I look for common interests first. There are some things I don’t offer—which are clearly stated on my webpage—and if a potential client seems to be more interested in one of those, we won't have a very good session. I don’t like to fake things, and I won’t do anything illegal.

If there are common interests and the e-mail is respectful, I try to return the e-mail and ask a few questions. If a respectful and polite reply is received, then I usually like to set up a phone interview for a discreet time to chat. If all goes well at that point and we seem to have chemistry, I will set up a session. I wait until 24 hours before the meeting to confirm the session and send the directions to my playspace.

What are some red flags that warn you not to accept a new client?

Real “triggers” of a possible problem is someone being disrespectful in tone, poor spelling, typing in all caps, not calling when expected—or if a potential client starts asking for a sexual act. I will simply wish him/her well, and refer them to another Mistress.

I’ve been doing it this way for almost 10 years now, and only twice in all that time have I ever had what I would call a “bad” experience. Just never let the money overrule your common sense. Money is unimportant compared to self-esteem and personal safety.

Tell me about your first “professional” experience—after Savannah, once you’d set up shop on your own, so to speak. Were you apprehensive? Did it go as planned?

I was very nervous, actually. I was working out of a lifestyle friend’s home and that really helped. I knew if I got into any trouble, help was just a room away. By that time, I had been playing for over a year at parties, and such so I wasn’t worried about my play skills. I just remember really wanting him to enjoy it.

Things went as planned, and because Savannah had helped me screen him, I had no problems. What really made it “real” though was holding the money in my hands at the end of the session. It was such a feeling of liberation. Like I knew what I was doing, and held my own future in my hands. It was quite a rush.

How do you find your clients?

I have a web site. I’m also listed with most of the major Domme listings like Max Fish and Dickie Virgin’s. There’s like 15-million of them (laughs), and I’ve got an inbox full invites for another 15-million. But if someone is looking for a Dominatrix in Charlotte, I’m usually one of the people that pops up. That’s pretty much the extent of it. This pays for my toys, but as far as my main means of support, I do have a day job. And I’m a manager in my day job. It’s a small family company. I’ve been there for 15 years, so it actually predates all of this—I’ve only been playing for 13 years.

So, back to how you got started as a ProDomme….

Savannah (Mistress S.) had gotten out of the business. I wanted to go to some conventions and things, but I didn’t really have the money for that, because the toys are very expensive. This set (a custom, handmade matched silver and black leather set of cats and whips) was $500. The toys are not cheap, and I like quality toys. Some of the people I’d been playing with said, “You’re so good at this, you could charge money.” It just went from there. (She hands me one of the toys.)

It’s beautiful work.

I can do everything with them. Each one has a different purpose. Like this one is really, really soft, so it’s good for warming up. When you have someone and you’re playing, you don’t just start wailing on somebody—well, you can if that’s what they want. Not unless you’re doing an interrogation scene.

There’s usually some kind of warm up….

The skin is just like any other part of the body. It’s like if you were going out for a run. You wouldn’t just go out on the street and take off full blast. You’re going to stretch, you’re going to jog for a while, and then you’re going to go full blast for a little bit, and then you’re going to cool down. That’s what these toys are for. This one is for stretching; it warms up the skin, gets it ready for harder play. This one has a little bit heavier impact, but still not too bad. Then we can get into the real heavy-duty stuff that will make people bleed—if I want it to.

How do you learn that control?

Practice. Lots and lots of practice….



To be continued…

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BDSM—kink—fetish: what are they? How does one do it? And, most importantly, who’s doing it? The answer might just be staring back at you in the mirror.

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