May 25

My hospice patient died. I was mentioned in her obituary as being one of her “special friends,” and the details of our relationship were spoken of in her funeral service. I had no idea I'd touched her family’s life that much.

***

Saddened, I shared my feelings with the music professor, and later that night as we held each other in bed, he said to me in the dark, “I want you to know I’m not trying to pressure you at all, but you really don’t have to keep doing what you’re doing. I can help you with whatever you need.”

My head was resting against his chest as I thought about this: No more sex with big fat old guys. No more being at the mercy of horny men’s whims. No more being let down by last-minute cancellations and being on call for booty. No more condoms and fear of STDs. No more entertaining male egos and babysitting guys on the phone and in the bedroom. No more worrying about every bruise and blemish. No more breaking the law. No more pretending.

And the sooner I quit, the sooner I could get on with a new chapter in my life, trade in a short-term solution for something longer term.

May 29

I Quit

I spent the afternoon systematically sending out emails to all my clients, letting them know the change in my life.

They all sent me back congratulations, some tinged with a bit of disappointment, but for the most part very positive and respectful. A few of the responses:

— “I have mixed feelings. I am disappointed not to be able to visit you. However, I am happy that you have someone in your life that I hope will be a joy and comfort for you. Best wishes, and stay in touch. Of course if things change, please contact me.”

— “Thanks for letting me know and thank you very much for helping me fulfill my fantasies. I had an unforgettable time. Congrats on having someone special in your life. I hope your relationship lasts forever.”

— “I wish you the best. Frankly, I think of you often. Even though we were together only once, you left an impression on me. You are an incredible lover and made me feel very good. If my wife was as passionate as you were with me, I would be a happy man. But that is not the way it is. So if things don't work out, please contact me. I know I'm probably naive, but if nothing else, I'd like to be your friend. You just had a way about you that I believed was sincere. Your friend is a lucky guy.”

One guy left me this voicemail:

“Hi Elisabeth, I just wanted to express my gratitude and thank you for all the wonderful times and great memories. I wish you luck with your decision; I think it’s great for you, disappointing for me because I can’t explore a couple things, but you know what, that’s part of life as you know. More than anything I want to say thank you for being a terrific young lady who I have a lot of admiration and respect for, and just want to thank you for all the wonderful, wonderful times. Hope you have a great one!”

Damn it, he’ll have to try out the anal beads without me.

***

I informed my ex-husband that I quit the business, and he was incredibly disappointed. “Why? You said you were going to do it for a while? Why the sudden change?” He’s not happy that his cash cow has dried up.

***

The music professor was delighted to hear the news. We’re both nervous and excited. We spent the night gently holding each other and discussing the future. We want to collaborate on book and music projects, take yoga and dance classes, make a list of the states we haven’t been to yet and GO. And oh yeah, I can’t wait to fuck him!

June 1

My new beau and I are going to take the month of July to travel and spend with each other, and then who knows what our future holds. I’m happy and hopeful.


Epilogue

The music professor and I had a good year together. I moved in with him immediately. We went to China, attended concerts, and had a triad. After giving it a try, he decided polyamory wasn’t for him, and monogamy wasn’t for me. We went through a painful breakup, and a few months later, I started dating his best friend. His best friend was new to polyamory, and liked it very much. He’s the first partner I’ve had who accepts me for who I am, whore and all. We’ve been in an open BDSM relationship for three incredible years.

(Editor's Note: This concludes The Whore Journals, a series of diary entries from four years ago that has run every other week for the better part of a year here at SexIs. We're grateful to the writer for sharing the raw material about this time in her life. With her, we decided she is not quite done. We will publish a longer epilogue, soon, with links to the full series ... so that latecomers can see what all the fuss was about.)