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Is Masturbating to Porn Cheating?

Is Masturbating to Porn Cheating?
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Readers are always asking us this question, and the masturbator in question is pretty much always a man. Sometimes his female partner writes to us, asking if she's right to feel cheated on. Other times the man himself writes to us, asking why his partner can't understand how benign his porn masturbation habit really is.

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Comments

Still hurts sometimes,,,

09/06/2011
LilyLloyd  

I assume that everyone I ever sleep with will masturbate, fantasize about someone other than me on occasion, and that many of them will watch porn.

That's great! I'm their lover, not their Big Brother. Since when do relationships have to extend to mind control? I find that a little creepy.

Sometimes when I watch porn with my partner, I'm a little intimidated by how perfect the girls are. If I'm not feeling particularly Goddessy that day, I'll say to him, "You know, this isn't putting me in the right frame of mind for us to have wild monkey sex. Can we turn it off and watch it another time?"

If I ever feel like my partner's solo sex habits are edging out our sex life, I say, "I need some reassurance. I feel like you don't want to have sex with me and that's upsetting." (I've never had that happen, but I think it's a fear for some people and if it is -- talk about it!)

If fantasizing and masturbation are nearly universal, and watching porn is a close second, what does it say about our society that A) we know this is the case but B) if we ever catch you doing it we will be shocked and our feelings will be hurt? Are we saying to men "part of your sexuality is dirty and nasty, and I know you do it but I never want you to show it to me"? That doesn't seem too healthy to me.

09/06/2011

Thanks for the article. Should do a lot to smooth some feathers in the couples depsrtments.

09/06/2011
Cynthia Bradley  

I don't consider masturbating to porn cheating. I think porn is okay but in moderation. There are men who let it consume them and it affects their personal relationships. I believe if a couple agrees to watch it together from time to time it can spark up their sex life. Too much of anything is not healthy though. Some men take it too far and they cheat on their partner in some cases. I read a post written by a woman who is worried that porn is ruining her marriage.
[http://www.peoplesinsight.com/articles/2-relationships/291-i-consider-him-addicted]

09/07/2011

Thank you for this article! When I was younger, I used to be very insecure and I believed that any time a man watched porn, it was because he preferred looking at or thinking about the women onscreen. I felt like they were somehow one-upping me and they turned him on more. Now I have thought about it, and considered that isn't what is happening. Yes, maybe some men fall in love with porn stars (though probably not more than the number of women who love movie stars) and that perhaps it's not the particular girl onscreen they want so badly- it is just that they're doing really sexy things and seeing that makes you feel almost like you're there, which can be just the push men need to have an orgasm. After I thought things through this way it gave me a much healthier perspective, and I wish I had seen this article back before I figured this out for myself, as it could have saved me from some arguments where I was in the wrong!

10/06/2011
islandmomma  

I don't have a problem with porn, per se if taken in moderation. but it bothers me when my husband would sometimes rather look at porn than initiate sex with me. It feels like porn is an easy way out for him. He gets to blow off steam without needing to worry about what I want/need. Plus I know there is stuff out there that I wouldn't be comfortable doing. Maybe he is insecure about the things he would like to try. We have had discussions about this but it hasn't gone any farther than that. At one point I thought he was cheating on me, but it turned out he was looking at beastiality videos. That really bothers me, but how do I bring it up? Any advice for how to broach the subject? Beastiality seems a little extreme to me.

10/08/2011
TheJerseyDevil  

So what happens when your partner *is* rubbing one out to gang-rape porn or watches porn you suspect (because you know people in the industry and have heard rumblings about a certain director or company) is not ethically produced? How do you have that conversation and what exactly do you say?

10/10/2011

My personal opinion is I'd much rather have my man watching porn and taking care of buisness, then prowling at the neighbors house and finding it there. I think masterbation is totally normal, it is a release and if you partner is not there (or even if they are, its fun to have them watch) whats the harm in it? Hell you could pick some stuff up from watching your partner making themselves feel good, chances are they have had an intimate relationship with themselves much longer then they have with you and they know exactly what they like. I know I do. And as far as the pron goes I think everyone has their fantasies and thier kinks and sometimes you may have a kink you fantasize about but don't necissarily want to try or your partner doesnt want to try such as a gang bang... whats the harm in indulging in the fantasy via video feed? You get off to your fantasy without having to actually go out and do it. And lets face it, I dont think there is anyway your partner can be available to you every single time you want to have a little fun. I have a pretty high appetite for sex and I like to make myself feel good and when he isnt available I dont think that should stop me, and likewise with him. I don;t want to be a hinder on him getting his play time. I feel like it only becomes a problem when he starts leaving me out completely, then it is time to re-evaluate talk it out and maybe try something new.

10/17/2011

I'm fine with porn so long as he doesn't always choose porn over me. Once in a while, sure, that's ok because I do that too - it's just a mood.
But repeatedly to where I feel shunned? That's when I speak up.

01/03/2012

Yes and No. I have a problem with it only because I do have self concious issues about myself. However, I was also married to a man that was a porn addict. Im talking like he would watch/view it before work, after work, before bed....while I was sleeping. He even signed up for a dating service to not meet chicks, but to get photos from them! ugh. So needless to say, Im really against it, but that is because I have had some really bad issues in the past with it. It eventually led to him cheating with my cousin while I was sleeping down the hall. So, yeah, for those of you that think "porn addiction is not an addiction"...think again.

02/23/2012

Im not against it

07/20/2012

Im not against it

07/20/2012

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