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Six Steps to Freedom

Six Steps to Freedom
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Getting over a master is never easy. One must first decide they’re ready to move on, and then set their mind and mood for catharsis and deprogramming. Yes, we said deprogramming. Read on to understand why.

  Give yourself a day or two, and see how you feel.

This sounds dumb to most, but I’m serious. The first day or two you’re going to be out of sorts. You’re going to be upset. But on the fourth day, maybe the fifth how do you really feel? I thought I’d be upset forever.

Four days in, I realized I wasn’t upset anymore. I wasn’t crying anymore. I was relieved. The year had been a roller coaster, and I was off of it.

  Cleanse your house/apartment/room.

No, I don’t mean get out the bleach or a sage bundle. I mean go through the place and remove things that remind you of him. Be it presents he gave you, toys you used or that blanket he always curled up under.

Don’t toss it out! Just put it away in a spare room or closet. Give yourself a month or more until you can look at the items without feeling an emotional tug, and then decide whether or not you’re keeping them.

  Talk to a logical friend.

The night it happened for me I talked to a friend’s Master. Of course my friend had been telling him what was happening every time I ranted to her. He was in the know. I talked to him and he went through the list of why I would be okay, of why things hadn’t been good lately and various other things.

It helped. My first instinct was to defend my owner. By the end I realized my friend’s Master was right. It hurt, but he was right.

  Do things for you.

Go out and buy that food you loved and he hated. Go get those sheets or ridiculously priced bath stuff. Cut your hair or let it grow longer. Do what you want to do. Take care of yourself. Learn to put yourself first again.

  Go through the rules that he gave you.

Decide if there are any you want to keep.

Were you on a diet that made you healthier than you had been? Did he implement anything that made you feel better than you had been before? If so, try keeping it. Tweak it to your own tastes and wants, but try keeping it. It’s all about you, and if it helps you then it’s yours, not his.

  Take your time getting back into the “scene.”

It will always be there waiting for you. If you need a few months off to heal over those gaping wounds left behind then take it.

Keep in touch with friends from the community. They can be really supportive. But be aware of your mental and emotional state, and take stock of whether or not you’re ready to go back.

I tried going back too soon and totally broke down. It was still connected to him. Take some time to disconnect that.

  As always results may vary.

What worked for me may not work for you. Whether you had a Dom/Domme/Master/Owner/Top/etc., there will be something that works for you. You just have to take the time to find it.

Sometimes curling up in a ball and licking your wounds helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Breakups are all hard whether it’s vanilla or kinky. There are just different issues to contend with.

It will take time. For a while you will still go to do things your owners way, will still instinctively follow rules and/or still feel like theirs. Push through it. Us submissive types feel things deeper than most. We are also stronger than most. You have to be in this lifestyle. You’ll make it through!

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Comments

props to you for pushing through, and for sharing these intimate ideas with us.

05/26/2012

Thanks Alice. It's since fallen through for various reasons but we're still friends and the possibility is there in the future. Vaguely cathartic reading this since I wrote it weeks ago. It was a nice reminder to me

05/27/2012

How do you set the mood for romance? Communication? Being someone other than "Mommy" for a little while? Our contributors have some ideas.

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