So according to the email I just got, June is National Oral Sex Month and also I might need to look at unsubscribing to some of these mailing lists. I looked for a card on Hallmark to commemorate the occasion but it was like they didn't even know it was Oral Sex Month. Way to miss the bus, Hallmark.

But rest assured, I have you covered. Just print these up and hand them out. But probably you should just hand them out to people you actually plan to have oral sex with. Otherwise that's just gonna be weird.














And yes, that last one wasn't actually a valid oral sex card at all but that's because most men don't actually appreciate getting cards so I don't know why I'm wasting my time here. Just jump straight to the blowjob. They will so not give a shit that you didn't give them a card. Promise.

PS. Admittedly, some of these are bit uncreative and even a little harsh, but honestly? So is a lot of oral sex. So let's celebrate oral sex this month. Because blowjobs are just like greeting cards… a bad one is better than none at all. Unless it gets bitten off or something. It's better to not have oral sex than to have your penis bitten off.

I should put that on a card…