June 18, 2009

Warning: Some penises are actually a combination of penises and testicles. I call them “Penisticles”.

by The Bloggess

Today's Bloggess column is brought to you by the word...“Penisticle.”

The conversation

Me: So guys are going around just shaving their balls to fool girls into thinking they have a huge penis?

Kevin: Pretty much.

Me: So…it’s like your balls have a tiny goatee?

Kevin: Uh…kind of. Or you just shave it all off and make it look like one giant penis.

Me: So if I shaved my coochie it would look like I had a giant vagina?

Kevin: Of course not. It doesn’t work like that.

Me: Well that seems like a double standard.

Kevin: Why would you even want a giant vagina?

Me: I wouldn’t. I just want to be able to have the choice.

Kevin: It’s just an optical illusion. Basically it makes your balls look like they’re part of your penis so it looks longer.

Me: But then you look like you have tiny balls.

Kevin: Yes, but girls don’t care about what your balls look like.

Me: That you know of. Maybe they do.

Kevin: Do they?

Me: Ew, God no! But still, it feels like cheating. I mean, she’s going to realize she’s been short-changed when you start having sex, right? Unless…you stuff your testicles in the vagina?

Kevin: What? You can’t stuff testicles into a vagina.

Me: Well you can if it’s a GIANT vagina.

Kevin: This is why people don’t talk to you.

Me: Whatever. At least I have an honest vagina.