January 07, 2010

The Bloggess: The 10 weirdest things people sent me this month

by The Bloggess

Hi. My name is Jenny and people email me weird-ass shit. Almost all of emails begin “You don’t know me but I saw this and thought of you”. Then I feel a little bit sad at the direction my life has taken. But then I look at the links and it makes it all worthwhile. Except for the ones that make me question humanity. And then I share the links here. Then we all suffer and rejoice together.

The 10 weirdest things people sent me this month

1. Craigslist ad: “Edward seeks Bella. No threat of my incisors sinking into your carotid artery, I’ll keep the penetration simple, and use my penis.”

2. Best live news footage ever.

3. Why you shouldn’t make your own homemade sex doll.

4. Live nude cats.

5. Semi-naked David Hasslehoff. And his…wrinkled shar-pei. No, really.

6. They’re embroidered on antique toile. That’s what makes them so fucking elegant.

7. Make a chocolate mold. Of your junk.

8. Nothing says “I love you” like a $38k platinum dildo.

9. Police officer arrested for letting cows “taste his genitals” while he video-taped it. Actual quote from prosecutors: “It remained unclear whether the calves were ‘tormented’ or puzzled’."

10. My favorite thing about this link is not the fact that this statue actually exists, but the story that was sent along with the link to try to rationalize what the hell is happening here: “Here's my theory about what that statue is about. The strange dwarf with the gun penis has summoned his chi and blasted the top of his horse's head right off with his sexy power. Sure, right now he feels glorious, at the apex of his orgasm, but as soon as he looks down he's going to be very sad about the pony. His dad gave him that pony. Of course, he also gave him the gun penis, so maybe that's a wash.” Awesomeness.