Orgasm denial, or erotic sexual denial as it is sometimes called, is a form of sexual play commonly associated with BDSM, but not always. The point of orgasm denial is to have a highly aroused state, yet not have an orgasm for an extended period of time. The basic concept is you can sexually stimulate your partner as much as you want, but they are not allowed to fully reach climax and have an orgasm. There are multiple ways of playing with orgasm denial, all being similar, but slightly different and having a slightly different end goal.

The first thing you need to decide is whether or not an orgasm will actually be allowed during the play period. Some people will deny their partner an orgasm completely, and when the session ends they will not have had an orgasm. Others will deny their partner an orgasm for an extended period of time (for example one hour), but at the end of the session will let their partner have an orgasm. Certain people get “blue balls” including both female and males if they do not have an orgasm after sexual stimulation. These people likely will want to have an orgasm, but others might receive more satisfaction by being completely denied one.

There are various ways you can deny your partner an orgasm. The easiest way to perform orgasm denial on your partner is to physically restrain them. You can put them in any type of bondage, but the best is where they are unable to reach their genitals or any other area they can orgasm from (so if they can orgasm by stimulating their nipples, then do not let them have access to their nipples). You could use leather restraints, you could use neoprene restraints, you could use rope, or you could use metal restraints. You could use any item you normally use for bondage and tie your partner up. You are now in control of your partner and controlling their orgasm is much easier because they cannot cause an orgasm themselves. The one issue with this method is accessing their genitals might be difficult. If you use rope, it can impede your ability to access their genitals. This just requires some ingenuity and thinking of positions that allow you access but doesn’t allow them access. A great example would be a straightjacket. Their genitals are freely accessible, but they have no access to their genitals because their hands are restrained. Another example would be a hogtie where they are placed onto a Hitachi Magic Wand. The wand stimulates them, but their hands are behind their back. This method of restraining your partner is sometimes called the “tie and tease” method.
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The second method is called the “tease and denial” method. In this method, there are no restraints. So it is very similar to the first method, but you just remove all the restraints. In this instance you need to have a partner who will refrain from giving themselves an orgasm. This can be fun for some people because they have to consciously choose to listen to their partner. This can definitely reinforce a D/S type of relationship, but more on that later. You stimulate your partner and stimulate your partner and you watch them, and when they get close to an orgasm you can either remove the stimulation completely (example: remove the vibrator) or you can slow down the stimulation (turn down the vibrator) to prevent the orgasm from happening. This requires knowing a partner decently well and watching quite closely.

The third method is the “total denial” method. In this instance you prevent any genital stimulation. So you could place your partner in a chastity belt and then stimulate their nipples, their thighs, or their buttocks, but you do not allow any direct genital stimulation. This is just a variation which can create a different feeling than the above situations. You technically do not need a chastity belt and could just forbid your partner from touching their genitals at all.

So why do people like orgasm denial? There are two main reasons. The first is that some people find it leads to stronger, longer, and more pleasurable orgasms. They find that after extended arousal, it is more intense and more pleasurable when they are finally allowed to have their orgasm. This is similar to people who do not masturbate for long periods of time and then do, often describing it as a more enjoyable, pleasant, and intense orgasm. The second reason is that people enjoy the dominance and submission of it. There is a high amount of control in this scenario. One person gains sexual control of the other and chooses when they can have sexual release. This D/S dynamic itself can be highly erotic and satisfying to many individuals.

Orgasm denial can be performed using anything really. You could have normal sex and stop when your partner comes close to orgasm. You could use toys such as vibrators and dildos. You could have oral sex. You could use your fingers and manual stimulation. Anything can be used for orgasm denial as long as it creates sexual stimulation that can be controlled enough to prevent an orgasm from occurring.

As always if you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments.