Since my first serious boyfriend in high school in '93, I have been turned on by the idea of mutual masturbation. Over and over I have requested, with different partners, to have a session in which we both get ourselves off while watching one another. None of them were into it. They kept saying "Why would I want to do what I can do anytime when we could be touching each other?" Even after I convinced one to try it, I got so turned on that as soon as we started we'd jump on each other in seconds. Thus my quest and my interest continued.

Fast forward thru my history of drug addiction and prostitution- many times I was paid to sit and expose myself while my clients watched and jerked off. I admit, considering the situation, it was more of a relief than hot, simply because it gave my body and my mouth a break. As I've written in other articles, I got off the street in 2006 and was monogamous until 2011, when we parted ways amicably, sadly with no memories of rubbing one out together.

2012- I finally heal from my years on the street by going back to the sex trade, but this time with boundaries, a ton of them. Instead of offering quick bjs for next to nothing, I now offer full hours with my wares from Eden as the focal point. I use the phrase "mutual masturbation" in my advertisements and get a TON of responses. Everyone wants to know what it is and when can they get in on it? I FINALLY get my wish and I'm even getting paid for it!! Without supporting cheating, non-poly spouses, I would like to point out that if one is not comfortable with having sex just yet, or with this particular person, or on this particular day, then masturbation is an awesome way to go. Just remember that for some, masturbation in front of each other, with or without assistance, can be even more nerve racking and intimate than sex itself, but that definitely doesn't have to work against you; in fact, it just might make you a little more emotionally prepared for the real deal.

I have 2 main reasons for choosing to promote jerking off and frigging over more intimate sex acts:

#1 I get to see exactly how my partner likes it! No one has more experience and knows what one likes more than oneself, so take advantage of it!! For me, I learn a ton in just a glance. If my partner is relaxed and not self-conscious and committed to stroking his own package, I can learn very fast. Does he squeeze real hard or use a two finger approach? Does he just pump the shaft or roll right over the head? Fast or slow? And women are even more complicated. Here's your chance to show what you like and avoid those frustrating moments where you want to bite off your partner's head when they rub you the wrong way. Does your clit like direct contact? Or is the hood and clitoral shaft where it's at? Do you like to be fingered deep or shallow or not at all?

#2 Just watching each other can be a major, major turn on. See how long you can hold out having sex or don't even go there at all. Masturbating can be a great step if you are not ready to go all the way or just aren't into it. Remember, fooling around can lead to orgasms without needing penetration by one to another. It doesn't have to be all or nothing!

You can take things further by assisting each other. This is my favorite part!! Males can get their balls licked and asses rimmed, or try holding your wet hand or mouth right over the head of his penis while he strokes it. You can also use a small vibe on his perineum or frenulum. Women can work their clits with their fingers or a vibrator (I love the Couture Inspire wand or the JimmyJane Form2) while they get fingers or toys thrust in and out. Don't forget to involve other erogenous zones as well. Slip behind your partner and nibble his or her earlobes. Touch them in places that they can't reach while masturbating. You can also do a strip tease if you don't feel comfortable staring right at them.

As well as the reasons I mentioned above, I love this mutual act because you can develop a sort of trust that the vulnerability of masturbating in front of each other provides, while still maintaining control of the situation. Plus, once you've shared this step with each other, both partners may find it easier to express what they want in bed now that they've been given "permission," so to speak, to be responsible for their own pleasure. You'd be amazed at the reaction you might get if you suggest it to your partner. If you are nervous about coming right out and saying it, then try simply placing his or her hands on top or underneath yours as a bridging step. Then encourage self-stroking and tell them how hot you think it is. It really is the sneakiest way to figure out techniques for just what to do when it's your turn to WOW them!

BONUS!!! IT'S THE EPITOME OF "SAFE SEX!"