September 05, 2012

Talking about it.

by KrissyNovacaine

I am an American. I am a woman. These two things mean that I was socialized to be ashamed of being a sexual being. That shame didn’t last long, but it was an intense few years learning to shrug it off.

Continuing to ask

In my experience, the worst time to ask for something new is in the heat of the moment. I tried that, and others tried it with me. It puts a person on the spot. Instead, my partners and I discuss new things outside of sex, foreplay, or flirting. We come to the table like scientists. We discuss the pros and cons of something. We ask questions. We research it if we need to, and then once we are prepared, we actually try it out.

Afterwards, we come back to discussing what did or didn’t work and decide if it is something we will try again. In the end, we love trying new things because we create a safe environment to do so in.

I am very lucky to have people in my life that feel the same way about sex as I do. I couldn’t imagine a life trying to pretend that I gave a crap at all about long walks on the beach or rom coms. I mean, if that is your thing, more power to you. Someone has to like that stuff; it just isn’t me.