The first step to consider: should I?
Not everyone likes to talk dirty, and not everyone likes to hear it. So yeah, maybe you should, maybe you should not. You may also want to ask yourself how you will feel afterwards. If you barely know your partner, and you are hoping to take things further, maybe you should wait until you can be sure will not be worrying yourself to death what they think of you. Maybe in the middle of a romantic setting with candles and massage oils and slow music isn’t the right time either.
But if you are already comfortable in discussing what you like and what you don’t, and you feel you want to give it a try, read on!
Do your research – study your partner
If you have never tried talking dirty, you might want to watch some porn videos, or read suggestions on the ‘net from different sources. Never forget: everyone has an own style, and everyone likes things differently – whether it is sex or “just” talking dirty. So before you start, try to see how your partner behaves – when discussing your preferences in the bed, do they use anatomical terms, like penis and vagina? Do they call it pussy and cock or cunt and meat rod? Or are they shy and use other terms like joystick and honey bun? You need to consider this – you do not want to make them feel uncomfortable by using expression they consider offensive.
Also study how they like sex – slow and gentle, or are they adventurous, trying new things all the time? If you are uncertain, start with safe and spice it up!
If you are still uncertain what they consider dirty talking and what they don’t, you could allow them to take the dominant role and learn; especially if they were suggesting it in the first place.
Get into the right mindset
Talking dirty isn’t just about saying words – in the bed when you are not alone it might come out differently. It might sound strange or even funny to you, and that can slow things down instead of spicing things up. So you might want to practice alone at first. Read or watch things you like, and try to voice your desires, wishes. Try to see if you have a problem saying any of the words. It might sound funny or strange in reality.
If you stumble on the same expression many times you might want to find other words for it, that are still obvious to you and your partner, but you don’t have a problem saying.
You might want to boost your self-confidence by new underwear – feeling sexy makes you confident, and more desirable!
Whishper growl, murmur
Talking out loud can be fun too – but a whisper, a murmur or even a growl can have a more powerful effect. Plus if you are shy about the whole concept, you will not hear your voice so clearly – it will make you sound like a different person that can boost your confidence.
Where to start
Unless you are both in the mood to tear off each others’ clothes, you want to start slow – especially if you are trying it for the first time. You want to watch for your partners’ reaction and see if they like it at all. Start with a safe, secure expression and develop it further from there. Whispering “Gosh, that feels great, do it more,” is a safe bet. So is “I wanted you all day,” Don’t feel pressured to turn into a different person, to turn on the heat a few hundred degrees. Talking dirty should be fun for both partners – let yourself warm into it as much as your partner.
You already know each other, so it is a safe bet you know what turns them on best – or what turns you on. Try to start out demanding those things, be it kissing, toe-licking or a shower together.
Here are some ‘fill in’ suggestions for you to try:
“It is so hot when you ________________.”
“__________ feels so good. More, more more!”
“Do it to me harder/faster/longer/rougher/deeper!”
“Where do you want my_______?”
“Gosh yes, please touch/stroke/lick/suck/ ___________.”
“Give me your __________ and do_______ with my________.”
“I love when you keep doing ___________, I am going to __________.”
“I want to do this every day.”
“Would you like me to touch/stroke/lick/suck__________.”
“I’m going to _______ your _______ until you cum”
If you are in doubt, ask! They will appreciate the effort you put into the thought, and they will be flattered that you want to please them.
The next step – taking it further
Once you have broken the ice, and you can be sure your partner enjoys dirty talk as well, you can heat things up. You need to keep in mind what your boundaries are, and how far you are willing to go with the expressions. Do not push yourself over the line, because it could backfire.
But once you are certain things are on the right track and the kinky words are well received, get descriptive! A good description makes the mind work overtime, conjures up sexy images from past and possible future, and adds a lot of heat to the situation. This said, it means you cannot be vague. ‘Lick me there, like that’ is not going to cut it, unless it is some kind of code of yours.
To turn it into a real success you need to choose which type of dirty talk fits your tastes the best.
There is traditional (soft of hard core), clinical, fantasy and kink.
It is what everyone thinks of first when they hear dirty talking. It is an apt description of what you want – but do not confuse hot with vulgar.
Both types use word like: hot tight, wet, sweet, thick, long, hard
The soft traditional uses expressions like:
Pulsating rod, throbbing member, joystick, sweet portal, nectar, juice, bud.
A few examples to try:
- I am aching for the taste of your sweet nectar.
- I want to feel your hot meat pulsing between my palms.
- I love it when your sweet mouth wraps around my member.
And things NOT to say:
- I am like, ready to cum.
- I will make you faint.
The hardcore traditional can use words like:
Pussy, cock, dick, penis, cunt, cum, butt, fuck, clit etc.
Things to try:
- I want to fuck you from behind, rubbing your clit.
- I want to feel you come inside me.
- Tongue fuck my pussy!
- Do you like it when I stick my finger inside your wet pussy?
- I will slide my rock hard dick into your tight wet pussy, fucking you until you moan!
Things NOT to say:
- I want to beat my stump against your asshole bitch.
Clinical dirty talk uses, as you guessed, clinical names. (I have once heard two doctors doing it – it had more Latin than English in it).
The point is to not use vulgar expressions.
Things to try:
- I would like you to perform fellatio on my penis.
- I will manually excite your penis until you achieve a full erection.
Things NOT to say:
- I gently stroke your epidermis lacking all malignancies.
- I will insert a finger in your rectum to check for prostate tumors.
Fantasy can be many different things – it can picture a scene you could have. The point of this one is that you describe an entire chain of events, not just one action. Adding details to it will increase the effect.
I will kiss your breasts, while gently kneading your butt, stroking the crack. My tongue circles your hardening nipples my hands softly move to your waist. I will kiss my way down to your pussy, licking the skin and biting you gently.
What not to say:
I will pull your pants off, and they will snag on your shoes, so I will have to untie your laces, and pull the shoes off before I can pull the pants entirely off your legs…
Well kink is what fall outside of the borders of traditional general dirty talk. To do this, you and your partner need a kink, and need to know what it is. This also means things that might be a turn on for you, but you would not want to do for real.
- I will drag you in the bathroom of the conference and take you against the wall.
- I will ask around the volleyball team and we will have an orgy.
- If you will be good, I will let you lick my toes.
- I am going to tie you up and abuse your tight little asshole!
As said, keep in mind what kind of kink your partner likes!
How to stop the dirty talk
It might come to a point when you are not comfortable with what you are hearing, either it is not your style, or simply you are not in the mood. Than you will have to say so – but make sure not to be offensive, and not to hurt their feelings. Even if you did not like it, they were trying to make things better!
So, don’t jump out of the bed and run away. Try something gentler like:
- Thank you, honey, you are sweet, but that does not really do it for me.
- Sweetheart, that is not really a turn on for me. Could you rather_________.
- I love you talking dirty, but I liked it best when you said________ and_____. Could you say more things like ____________.
What not to forget after
Dirty talk belongs to a private setting - not to the public. Never humiliate your partner by using the lines they love when others can hear it (unless that is their wish).
Keep fantasies separated from reality – just because they asked to be treated like a bad girl/boy once, it does not mean you can do it again without their permission. Respect and love your partner, by treating them right. Don’t forget that some fantasies are just fantasies, and they aren’t meant to come true!
Make sure when you are playing a role that they know you do not mean the mean things you say. Don’t hurt their feelings unnecessarily.
And at last but not least: have fun!