Beyond Bromance

Bromance. It’s so hot these days. Just look at classics like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or recent hits like Pineapple Express. Films love to focus on intense friendship between guys.

All that male bonding is nice, but when it comes down to it, I prefer seeing that bond taken just a little further. (Please, hold the Brokeback Mountain jokes.)

Once in a while my preference slips out in conversation. “Personally, I’d rather see Hugh Jackman make out with Brad Pitt.”

Still with me? Don’t worry, I’m used to the looks, the awkward pauses.

Prime time television can run promos for Desperate Housewives with a hint that Terri Hatcher might kiss one of her costars—but if you let it slip that you’re a woman who finds gay male sex and romance arousing, eyebrows are raised. They’re raised high.

The thing is, some—dare I say many—straight women and lesbians find gay men attractive. And we’re not talking, “Oh that token gay friend in that popular romantic comedy is a cutie.” We’re talking shirts off, pants down, dicks out, and the kind of make-out sessions that leave bruises.

(Just sayin’.)

Eight years ago a friend of mine called me up. “I hear you’re into gay dudes. We’re having a gay porno party tomorrow night. You should come by. And bring that fucked up gay anime DVD you have.”

(What kind of reputation do I have anyway?)

As I agreed to come, I tried to mask the excitement in my voice. I had to play it cool, because the party was more of a joke than anything else. I had no way of knowing if the other girls were as genuinely aroused and fascinated by gay porn as I was.

I brought a like-minded friend for moral support and we showed up to find more than twenty young women assembled in a small apartment in front of a huge television set. Everyone looked a little nervous, fingers clasped around the stems of wine glasses or the tassels of the cushions spread out across the floor.

Christina, the hostess, opened a rental DVD and popped it in the player. I never caught the title, but it was a hardcore European flick. The actors were in their late-twenties, built like soccer players, and all inexplicably clad in white socks.

The opening scene quickly escalated from breakfast conversation to toast with a side of fellatio. I sat on one side of the room, watching for reactions. At first, the girls giggled and poked fun at the dialogue. They commented on how unsanitary kitchen sex seemed to be, and how well hung the older lead was.

Then, as the action onscreen became more intense, the room grew silent.

I sensed a current of arousal. It was a little unsettling to find myself in a room full of girls I didn’t know very well—each of them riveted by a hardcore male sex scene. Then I realized I had finally found my people. And my people were everyday college students.

After that happy incident, I made it my personal mission to drop my filter when talking to other women about sexual likes and dislikes—specifically liking or disliking dude on dude action.

Not every woman I spoke to agreed, but more often than not, women seemed pleasantly surprised that someone else felt the same way. Conversations often turned to how unfair it seemed that men were practically required to lust after lesbians.

Just last month I attended a book club meeting with a group of mothers. We discussed Twilight. (I know. I’m ashamed.) When it was my turn to bring up a discussion topic, I took a gulp of red wine and blurted out, “Don’t you think it’s a little homoerotic that this hot young doctor vampire guy chose a hot young man for a companion first? There’s nothing familial about their relationship to me. It’s just hot.”

My cheeks burned as I waited for responses. While a few of the women immediately cringed, another sat up straight. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed. “You’re right.”

They all eyed me, so I went on. “It’s actually pretty common for women to be aroused by homoerotic themes in literature and film.” (Okay so I had my filter up at half-mast.)

“Interview with the Vampire was hot,” one of the ladies volunteered.

“I like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” said another. (I’m not counting Queer Eye unless I missed the very special episode where Carson goes all Bend Over Boyfriend on a hot fireman.)

Why do women find gay sex arousing? I’ve spent a lot of time reading research on the subject—and nothing stands out as the ultimate explanation. Some believe that it’s a “safe” outlet for women to explore their own sexuality. Women can watch hardcore gay porn without worrying if a woman is being exploited. They can indulge in a taboo sort of arousal without wondering if it’s because they secretly want to participate (for example) in a wild gangbang.

Confused? Me too. When it comes down to it, arousal is a very personal thing.

I find gay male sex arousing because I find men attractive. I find two men together even more attractive. When I see commercials for the all dude version of Girls Gone Wild (thank you, Logo network) I seriously consider picking up the phone. And on a shallow note, the guys in gay porn are oftentimes much more attractive than the guys in mainstream porn. Let’s just say I like it when a nice cock has a nice face to go with it.

If you think I sound like a frat guy salivating over two blond co-eds about to make out next to the keg, you’re probably right. You’re not going to see my version of that scene on the front page of Digg, but the foundation is basically the same. Taboo. Beautiful. Unnatural. Natural. Shocking. Sexy. The sort of train wreck that gives you a boner.

But for many, the attraction is just as much about romance as it is about sex. Do a quick search on Amazon.com for gay romance or gay erotic literature. Click around for a while and see what users recommend. The majority of reviews and many of the novels themselves are written by women. Women who’d rather read a romance novel about a pirate captain and his rival, than a pirate captain and his buxom prisoner.

Curious yet? You don’t have to run out and tell the next person you meet that you may or may not be into gay dudes in a serious way. Start slowly. Listen to your body. Watch a romantic gay film. Gossip with your chick friends at happy hour. Pick up an erotic short story compilation. (The ones with themes are always fun. Cowboys, anyone?) Don’t, for the love of all that is sacred, read Twilight. I do, however, suggest novels like The God in Flight by Laura Argiri and Comfort and Joy by Jim Grimsley.

If you really want to take the plunge, but you’re new to hardcore porn, you may prefer renting a DVD shot documentary-style with a bit of romance, such as Damon and Hunter Doing it Together.

If you want to test the waters carefully, you don’t have to start with pornography or erotic literature to indulge your curiosity. Television shows with primarily female audiences have been getting in on the action lately. Watch a few daytime soap operas and you’ll find gay main characters—gorgeous men who kiss other men (or come close to it). If reality shows are more your speed, this season of Make Me a Supermodel is ripe with male/male action. The producers love forcing beautiful straight men to engage in erotic photoshoots together. It’s sexy—and hilarious. If you don’t need (or want) the homoeroticism spelled out in plain English, pick up the first season of HBO’s Oz on DVD.

There’s no one definitive way to enjoy or explore this kink. Maybe you’ll find subtle homoeroticism in mainstream film titillating and exciting. Maybe you enjoy hitting the local all male revue. Or maybe you’ll subscribe to a hardcore gay website.

And remember, not every woman finds gay male action attractive. You’re not weird or judgmental if it’s simply not your thing. A quick and informal “Gay dudes, hot?” poll amongst my acquaintances recently got responses like, “No. No to the 100th power.” Unenthusiastic responses aren’t discouraging. Like any kink, a huge part of the excitement is being different, enjoying something special that makes your individual sexuality unique.

Just know that if the subject matter resonates with you, you’re not alone.