Discipline. That’s such a scary word, but what it really means is a line. A line you or another has set for what is and is not allowed. Being disciplined means you walk that line, or if you fail to, you face a punishment of some sort. In the BDSM world, this is a key component for having a working dominant to submissive relationship. Hence why BDSM is broken down into bondage-discipline- dominance-submission-sadomasochism. Without discipline or the punishments that accompany it, there is no way to maintain the balance of power within the relationship.
Punishments are necessary in BDSM relationships when a submissive has misbehaved. This is so that the dominant can correct the misbehavior as a parent would with an errant child. Perhaps this apt analogy is why some submissives refer to their dominants as Mommies or Daddies? But just as parents are creative and try to find an appropriate punishment for their child and the misdeed, so too must dominants approach the punishment. The only way to properly adjust this is through careful observance of the submissive and experience. It is also important to realize that what is a punishment for one submissive, another would find quite enjoyable. A dominant must choose the punishment carefully and individualistically.
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Physical punishment is obviously what most envision when they think of BDSM. These include spankings, flogging, caning, and other forms of flagellation. The important thing with physical punishments is to remember that these are not always effective to those who have masochistic tendencies. If your submissive has a preference of enjoying one form of tool such as a flogger but does not enjoy hand spankings, you could use this change as a punishment instead. You also have to fit the punishment with the crime.
Humiliations are also an apt and highly varied form of punishment. Humiliation can be such an effective form of punishment because it reaches the submissive on an emotional level that some physical punishments may not. The forms of humiliation commonly used are grounding and timeouts.
Groundings mean that the dominant has removed certain privileges the submissive may have otherwise enjoyed. These can range from Facebook or TV time, to not being allowed an evening out with friends. Grounding works effectively for some because it helps set the standard that behaving brings enjoyment through fun things to do outside of the bedroom. It also would be embarrassing to lose privileges because it brings back that sense of childhood punishments. This is also true of timeouts and being made to stand in the corner. This is also an effective warning punishment, as a time out for a minor infraction can lend the submissive a moment to cool off and not misbehave further.
Another way to humiliate your slave as punishment is through degradation. You may find it effective to write what your slave has done on their skin and make them stand in front of mirror to observe this for a set length of time. If this is the route you intend to go, it is advisable to use a non-toxic washable marker. You could also choose to put your submissive in a costume which embarrasses them and then take a picture. While this picture should be kept private, the very knowledge that you have it or the threat of showing the submissive that picture can be an effective tool for future punishments also. Hair cutting is an effective punishment for some as it is a way to physically take a part of that person away without doing long term harm to them. In women especially, this can be true as for some having our head shorn may make us feel both humiliated and sexless. This however is a more excessive form of punishment and should be discussed as a possible punishment well beforehand.
The conditioning of certain behaviors can also act as a form of discipline. Assigning a tedious task like counting a jar of buttons, writing lines, or an essay about what the submissive has done wrong can be effective as it gives the submissive time to think and reflect on their misbehavior. Another way to discipline your submissive is through orgasm denial. This will teach your submissive to associate the pleasure you give them with good behavior. Orgasm denial is extremely effective if a submissive is behaving with a bratty or selfish attitude. They want their own pleasure and are thinking of themselves; by denying them orgasm, you can set the standard that they only receive pleasure when they behave well. And a final way to condition your submissive with punishment is through ignoring them or the silence treatment. This type of punishment is most effective with submissives that crave and need a lot of attention from you. Ignoring or not speaking to them for a set period of time can be highly effective in these cases.
It is in this writer’s personal experience that punishments are both necessary and sometimes strongly desired from a submissive point of view. As a submissive, I do like to push limits sometimes. I draw comfort in knowing that not only do I have limits to what is allowed, but that I have a caring enough partner who will put in the effort to punish me duly. If I have done something that cross the line of discipline that was set for me, then a punishment is necessary. The combination of many of these and other forms of discipline is highly effective, and afterwards I find myself feeling emotionally clean and ready to move ahead.
Remember that punishments are necessary, no matter how unpleasant they may seem in those moments. If your dominant is punishing you, then it is simply there to help curb your behavior to a previously agreed upon standard. With so many ways to help a submissive walk the line of discipline as a dominant, you will be able to find one or a combination of many punishments which fit your submissive and their misbehavior.