"Oh well, forget it. I only give head to get head."
Do I like getting head?
Note: This is a personal, vulnerable post. If you are of the opinion that a woman acting vulnerably is in some way offensive or not liberating or what have you then you may want to skip it. I have decided that I can't constantly live my life all bottled up for fear of not "fitting in".
If you've read my review of the Pussy licker then you may be aware that my fiancé is not big on giving me oral sex. It took me a while to figure out why this really bothered me. The answer? I have no idea if I enjoy having someone really go down on me. I plan to be with this man forever, so what if I never find out?
How can this be, you may wonder? Well, I'm not adept socially. In the past it has always been a challenge to get intimate with a man that I was sexually attracted to. I don't do the whole flirting thing well. I took what I could get. Don't get me wrong, I still only had sex with men that I wanted to but my sexual experiences have in no way been average. It took me quite a while to discover many of the things that I now know that I do and don't enjoy.
I'm not actively blaming any of my partners but all women are different and when I did find out things that I didn't like some men would insist that what they were doing should get me off even though it didn't. "Well my last girlfriend loved that, so if it doesn't get you off then you must be frigid". This was in stark contrast to my outward constructed personality of a slut or as I prefer, "sexually free".
Of the men that I've been with, which is mostly likely way less than my partying friends would have thought I've never had a man perform oral sex on me for more than what I estimate to have been about 30 seconds. When men did do it (not all did) it was part of the act, just like my giving blow jobs was...
Yes, I hated giving head.
This may come as a surprise to the EdenFantasys community since my first and thus far most popular SexIs contribution has been Fun with Blow Jobs, but until I starting seeing my fiancé I hated performing oral sex. Need an example? I'm into BDSM and I was once tied up by a guy who did so just to get me to give him head. I was very excited about doing something kinky and it mainly just resulted in that.
I'm not saying that I was bad at it. I picked up tricks. When I was in my few not so great relationships I could give a good blow job when I wanted to. However I never really wanted to. I found it off putting.
I still don't understand the negative connotations behind women's genitalia (ex. they smelly "fishy") while dicks seem to be passed around so willingly. I think that women are at least somewhat more hygienic than men in general when it comes to that area. How many men wipe their penis when they urinate? There probably aren’t many. How many women just shake the urine off? Again, probably not many.
I've come to the realization that oral sex is not gross for either partner. Semen and vaginal secretions are not so different in that they both are basically just salty fluids.
Now I am happy to perform oral sex on my partner as he loves it. It makes me happy to make him happy. Sometimes it even arouses me a bit because I'm arousing him.
But where do other women (and men) stand on the subject of cunnilingus?
I didn't want to make this post just about myself. While I do find confessional posts captivating that doesn't make them the best types to read. Plus I was genuinely curious about how other people felt.
I decided to inquire about this subject on all of the social networking sites that I use most frequently, twitter, tumblr and the Eden Fantasys forum. I think that most people are shy so I mainly heard back from those here on EF. I don't find this surprising. I also don't find it surprising but most answers were positive. After all this is a sexual community.
Women on receiving oral sex:
"I love receiving oral sex...I'm proud to announce that!"
"I love it! But it helps he's amazing at getting me off!!!"
"It's alright. It's never made me reach orgasm, but it feels really good when my boyfriend nibbles lightly around my clit. I'd rather live without cunnilingus than fellatio though, heh."
"I really enjoy it but I'm extremely self conscious so at the same time I don't."
"OMG YES! Yes, yes! I really love it. My partner always insists on doing that before having sex and seriously, there's nothing quite like it, and it's something he does for me almost every single time..."
"Only if the person knows what they are doing. If not, it's just awkward."
Men on performing oral sex on women:
"I love it and could pretty much perform the act any second of the day for as long as she wants it!"
"Answering for my guy and it's a resounding yes. I've met very few men who don't like it, and I refuse to sleep with any who don't like it."
"My boyfriend said no to this"-from his girlfriend
The consensus?
I think that those who experiment sexually probably are luckier or demand more in this area. There are women who don't enjoy it though.
I'm not suggesting that Emily of XoJane is your average kind of gal. In fact I would say that she's actually very sexually adventurous but like many of us damaged. However she's "just not that into" receiving oral sex. As she's written, "is it that men don't bother to perfect the art of cunnilingus the way we lovingly tend to our fellatio skills? I don't know if you hear groups of guys competitively boasting about their mad skillz like I have heard women proudly trumpeting how great they are at giving head." (Emily McCombs, XoJane)
I think that this is a great point. I was once hanging outside of a bar with a friend of mine. We were debating whether our tongue piercings added to fellatio. Her opinion was no while I had been told by my then "sort of" boyfriend that he could really feel it. That's when I realized that a small group of guys had turned and were listening. One trumpeted, "Well why don't you two have a contest?" Needless to say we didn't. However I've only met one man who boasted about his oral skills and he was really not my type. Let's just say that he was old enough to be my father and worked for free booze.
So, what about me? I'll be fine. I don't need oral to get off thank goodness! But I think he's warming up to trying it more. He's been eying what he refers to as "her" more often so that's probably a step in the right direction.