Mercifully, we didn’t have to watch Ron and Sam bicker, shout or even make out on the most recent episode of Jersey Shore, but that doesn’t mean the show was bereft of insufferable relationship drama – not by a long shot, true believer. But in between endless shots of Jionni marching through Florence, his white t-shirt a beacon of impotent rage, the show did manage to have some pretty interesting moments.
No. 5 – Hong Kong Phoney We’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: The Situation is on a neverending quest to show everyone just how masculine he is, and he doesn’t care how many skanks he has to pressure into sex or how many gaudy t-shirts he has to wear to make it happen. Ever since he clean knocked himself out on a wall, however, his MQ (manliness quotient, natch) has taken a serious hit, which might explain why Mike all of a sudden decided he was going to use his nonexistent karate skills to take out Jionni, a guy who (probably) isn’t even getting paid to be on the show.
No. 4 – Be a Sugarmama, Already Speaking of guys not getting paid to be on the show, this week saw JWoww’s boyfriend Roger back out of his planned visit to Florence. Making things even worse was his tired, spurious excuse: He actually has a job he’s expected to show up to. To her credit JWoww didn’t get angry, just sad that her beau wasn’t going to make it out, but honestly, couldn’t JWoww toss Roger a bone so he doesn’t have to keep working as a personal-trainer/bouncer/deli-counter-operator/whatever-the-shit?
No. 3 – Wipe the Tanning Bed Down, Bro In a departure from their typically considerable culinary abilities, this week we got to watch the boys burn the everloving hell out of some burgers and hot-dogs. But those weren’t the only fried sausages in the most recent episode of Jersey Shore, as Snooki pointed out how much she loves her boyfriend Jionni’s “tan wiener” on one of cable television’s most popular shows. How could that guy ever think she acts inappropriately?
No. 2 – Everyone Can See Your Pussy This week’s version of “I see straight vageen” was undoubtedly Jionni’s factual declaration to Snooki, “Everyone can see your pussy.” His follow-up was even more fascinating, however, as he clarified, “You’re dancing like a fucking whore.” The fact that Jionni seems offended or even surprised that Snooki would whip out her cooch at the club seems to demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of the GTL lifestyle. Isn’t there a book-burning you should be attending somewhere, you uptight prude?
No. 1 – Best Laid Plans of Mice and Snooks Unfortunately, the Snooki-Jionni storyline overshadowed one of our favorite parts of the episode: The ongoing insanity that is crazy-ass Brittany. One half of the twins from earlier in the season, a significantly drunk Brittany showed up at the house, smitten with and looking to get plowed by The Situation. Snooki, exhibiting a lack of understanding of the GTL lifestyle herself, thought that by putting a drunk, horny, not visibly diseased girl in Mike’s bed, it would somehow be a prank. Joke was on her, because The Situation, sage that he is, shrugged his shoulders and presumably fucked her.
Did we miss any great moments while stomping drunkenly through the streets of Florence? Tell us in the comments below, then make sure to watch Jersey Shore on MTV this Thursday at 10 pm, and check back here for another rundown.