Jane Spahr, a retired Presbyterian minister and lesbian who officiated “I do’s” for 16 gay and lesbian couples during the brief time that their love was sanctioned by law stands accused of violating church doctrine. Despite the fact that she toed the secular legal line, the issue is set for a church trial.

If found guilty of the “crimes” she’s already admitted to—something Spahr has called “an act of conscience” according to the New York Daily News—the church will have the authority to defrock her. Thankfully, most recent reports confirm that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Elsewhere, Attorney Generals from 17 states have upped the stakes in what is (so far) a verbal battle between lawmakers and classified giant Craigslist, demanding in a joint letter that the site remove all erotic services ads.

In a case of a few sick and twisted apples ruining the whole barrel, proponents are citing the Markoff fiasco and other Craigslist encounters that have ended in violence as reason for their insistence that the site ditch its entire adult services sextion—er, section—and focus on continuing its publicized mission of creating a community of exchange for legal goods and services. Currently, the Attorney Generals will have to satisfy their ire perusing the “Rants and Raves” section as they await a formal response from Craigslist.

From the ridiculous to the sublime, the waiting is almost over for “the world’s most luxurious sexual object,” as Australian jeweler Colin Burn has plans underway to market a million-dollar, solid platinum, diamond-and-pearl encrusted dildo.

Further evidence that the sex toy industry is defying recession woes, Burn has named his vibrator-of-kings the Pearl Royale, and it will feature “flush set” precious stones for smooth penetration and a pearl On/Off button that also serves as a detachable necklace. That’s right—the dildo wears a pearl necklace. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.