So ... You've been with Mr. “Possibly Right in the Future, Just Not Right Now,” and Mr. “Maybe Right ... as Long as You Ignore the 584 Things You Hate About Him,” and we all know Mr. “Right Now.” And yet for some reason, there you sit without a ring on your finger. (’Cause we all want to get married, right?)

Never fear! Tracy McMillan (writer of Mad Men, and The United States of Tara) is here!

She's been married three times, so she's an expert. And if you're thinking it's just because men are jerks, ladies, McMillan says you're on the wrong track. Just like everything else in life, it's all about you, you, you.

You're a bitch, and it shows, says McMillan. You're convinced you've been pissed on, and you're pissed off. And men? You're scared of female anger. So you're running from us pissed-off bitches.

Single ladies, says McMillan, and especially young ones, are slutty, and shallow, and selfish. But most of all, they've got no self-esteem. And that's why they're still single.

Good to know. Anyway, we can take a joke. She didn't mean anyone we know. Right?