This case is just... too much.

Girl meets boy. Boy tells girl he's a hougan (voodoo priest). Girl says she needs luck. Boy's pupils turn into cartoonish dollar signs. Boy charges girl $300 to perform a voodoo ritual, telling girl without sex, it won't work.

Girl? Bites off hook, line and sinker.

This story isn’t emanating from Haiti, or central Africa, by the way. It’s New York City we’re talking about.

Anyway, so they stacked ritual candles on the floor around the bed, amongst their clothes and things, and the priest poured rum on the floor by the door to stave off evil spirits. Then, they hopped on the bed for a romp while someone ironed pants in the next room. We're sure it's no surprise that some candles fell, and the bedclothes and their clothes caught fire.

No doubt worried he'd be charged with prostitution, the hougan tried to put out the fire with water from a sink instead of calling 911. According to the firefighters' union, the hougan's delayed response, a dispatch mistake caused by an NYPD officer shooting himself in the foot (Uhm?) and staffing cuts made by New York State in their recent major layoff, which included firefighters all over the state all contributed to the fire blazing out of control.

Two hundred firefighters from 44 stations responded to the five alarm fire. A retired guidance counselor was killed, twenty firefighters were injured, and one hundred people were left homeless, but no charges are being filed.