Dear Coco,

Welcome to the world! You’re going to love it here.

First off – your name. Don’t worry; it’s not permanent. Mum and I didn’t know whether you were going to be a boy or a girl until the moment you arrived, so “Coco” is a nickname your Auntie Clare came up with.

You’re going to love your Auntie Clare, by the way.

Now that you’ve arrived, we’ll be saddling you with a truly magnificent, equally improbable name soon enough.

Secondly – now you’ve arrived, there are some things you need to know.

You’re a woman, and you’re American – which basically means you’ve won the lottery of life.

As you grow up, you’re going to encounter a lot of people who call themselves “feminists”. They’ll tell you that, as a woman, society is a horrible place and you’re an oppressed victim of a shadowy thing called “the patriarchy”, but – as you’ll soon discover – a lot of so-called feminists are full of bullshit.

Coco, you have been born into the best era for women ever. It’s only going to get better, and you’re going to play a vital role in making sure of that.

Women in America today enjoy more rights, more freedoms and more recognition than at any other point in history. And right now, we’re watching the beginnings of a cultural shift take place, in which highly educated women are starting to take the lead in politics, business, science and engineering.

It’s been a long time coming – today is only the “best” era for women because it’s been kind of shitty for them for the rest of the 100,000 years leading up to this point – but be aware that you’re going to become an adult in a world that, for the first time ever, will potentially be ruled by women.

But don’t think that’s going to make it easy for you.

One of the first challenges you’re going to face being a woman is that everybody and their mother (including your own mother) will expect you to look, and act, and talk a certain way. Your presence will be challenging to them, and they will want you to conform to an expectation that makes them feel comfortable. People – especially other women – want to control women.

From kindergarten to adulthood, you’re going to be pulled left and right by other people’s expectations; and if you ever intend to be happy in your life, you have to ignore all of them.

One of the reasons so many women are so miserable, even in our modern era of equality, is because they are trying desperately to meet the expectations of other people without ever taking time to think about what it is they want, for themselves.

There are women who get themselves hundreds of thousands of dollars into student loan debt, and sacrifice relationships, friendships – even sleep – climbing the corporate ladder because they were told “you need to have a career.”

There are women who marinate in frustration as stay-at-home moms, popping out 2.5 children and cooking and cleaning and driving a mini-van, because they were told “you need to have a family”.

Then there are the wretched bitches who are slowly losing their sanity in a vain attempt to do both; because they got sold on the expectation that women can and should “have it all.”

I’m telling you right now – decide what it is you want from your life, and don’t let anybody else’s expectations get in the way of achieving that.

Only you have the power to make your world the way you want it to be, and if you give up that power – to a husband or partner, or to the expectations of feminism – you merely become a jigsaw piece in somebody else’s world. That will never make you happy.

And that’s the secret people don’t tell you – that you have the power to shape your world. Life is literally like a vending machine, in that you select what you want out of life, put in the correct payment (in the form of hard work, focus and determination) and hold out your hands to (eventually) receive what it is you set your mind on having.

Society is going to lie to you, and tell you that this isn’t how things work. Feminists, especially, are going to try and sell you on a mentality of victimhood – that the evils of a patriarchal society are keeping good women like you down, so there’s no point in even trying to succeed.

But the “victim” mentality is just an excuse. Sure, it’s tougher for women to achieve the same things (or, hopefully, greater things) than a man, but just because it’s tougher, doesn’t mean it’s impossible or not worth doing.

The successful women of this era are the ones who just went out and fucking did it – and that’s what you should do, too. Oprah Winfrey was raised in a poor, black neighborhood and became the most powerful woman in the world. Hate on her all you want, but Sarah Palin became governor of the biggest state in the Union, and got closer to the White House than any woman before her, and she did it all without the free ride that was the fact she shared her last name with a former president.

You have the world at your fingertips. You were born in the country in which more opportunity awaits you than anywhere else on Earth. You can be – and have – absolutely anything you want out of life. And the only person standing in the way of that is yourself.

But as you grow up, you will face a sustained onslaught of criticism and complaint, and obstacles both physical and mental, thrown at you by a society that is terrified of your success.

People – and feminists especially, because you’re a woman – won’t want you to achieve your ambitions, or do great things, or live on your own terms, because it is a raw and painful reminder that they haven’t done the same.

In life, you will be surrounded by people who consider the rewards of your hard work an insult to them; who believe that they can bring equality and balance to society not by rising up, but by dragging you down.

And the greatest weapon in their arsenal is the ability to make you doubt yourself.

So, ignore them. Look at life through your own eyes. Have faith in your dreams, and faith in your power to achieve them. And if you ever falter, know this: The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.

And the answer? Is nobody.

You’re a woman. And you’re magnificent. And I cannot wait to see what amazing things you do with your life. I haven’t even met you yet, baby Coco, but already I’m proud of you.