"Now I am sure you are expecting some sob story about how I am a repressed woman who is under the thumb of her husband. Abused, neglected, and forgotten… Nope, not this chick!"
I am the Second Wife
I am the second wife… and not the second wife after a divorce, I am the second wife my husband has taken. I am in a plural marriage. Now I am sure you are expecting some sob story about how I am a repressed woman who is under the thumb of her husband. Abused, neglected, and forgotten… Nope not this chick!
I am sure you are wondering how I got to this point in my life, was it religion? Social pressures? Nope… I am poly, and have been for as long as I can honestly remember. I remember in high school thinking that the other girls around me were insane, with their babble about only being able to love one person at a time and that even talking to someone else was cheating. I remember looking at marriages and wondering why people were unhappy, and seeing how hard it was to raise a family with only two parents, two incomes, only two people to support one another and see to the happiness of the family. I spent years wondering what it would have been like to have had three or more parents who all loved me and loved each other; little did I know that I would have the chance to be one of the parents.
Let’s flash forward to a year ago, when I met the man of my dreams. S is a wonderful, loving, attentive parent and husband. I met S and his wife A about a year ago at an event. At the time I was still seeing my now ex, who was out of state, and I was able to spend a lot of time with S and his family, getting to know him and their dynamic, we quickly fell in love and I was accepted as a part of the family. I now have a husband, a sister, and four beautiful step-children whom I adore. I didn’t think that I would ever find someone who I would love like I love S, and even less did I think I would find a family who would accept me for being poly.
My choice to be part of a plural marriage was not one of religion or social conditioning. It was just a logical choice for me, having more than one other person to run a household with, many people to help raise kids and more people to love. Part of me wishes that God or whatever played a part in my choice, I suppose it would make it easier for me to explain why. I am saddened by the social stigma put on those in safe and functional plural relationships.
There are plenty of challenges to being a sister wife however. Sharing a husband isn’t always the easiest thing on earth. A and I get along pretty well, but we still have our moments where we would rather not speak or hang out. The kids are all older so they have had to adjust to having more than two parents, which at times is hard for everyone in the house. At times there can be feelings of inadequacy when I can’t always pick up where A has left off.
I have been a fan of the TLC show “Sister Wives” since it started, and I watched this family and these women with awe and respect. The dynamic there is a bit hard to imagine with them all not living close to one another, I couldn’t imagine not living with the rest of my family, not being able to chat with A about dinner or whatever other stuff is going on in the house, not having S at home (even on the nights we don’t sleep together) to talk to and be around. Do I miss having my own space? Oh God yes. There are times I hate having to compromise on decor and other silly things, but I also love that A and I get to shop and put beautiful things in our home.