Cupid’s Lube
Editor’s Note: This week, Dr. Dick celebrates three years as a successful podcaster. (And no, that is NOT a euphemism for something kinky!) Why not drop in and congratulate the good doctor for his third anniversary?
I was recently interviewed for a local newspaper’s Valentine’s Day story, and one of the questions the woman reporter asked was, “If you had to single out one thing that could make for better sex between men and women, what would it be?”
I didn’t hesitate for even a minute before I responded with my single-word answer: “Lube!”
The reporter looked startled. I guess she was expecting some sage wisdom about how women and men are different and how good sex between them is dependent on a soul connection, or some god-awful nonsense like that. You know—the kind of drivel one reads in women’s magazines.
“Lube?” she responded.
“Yep! That’s the one thing that can and does make for better sex between women and men. It’s that simple.”
To prove my point I rifled through a number of recent correspondences I had set aside to show the reporter. Allow me to introduce you to Elyse, a young woman of 22 who lives in Tucson:
My boyfriend decided to get some lube for me so that when we have sex, I wouldn’t get as sore as I do. And if we wanted to go for another round, he wouldn't have to worry about hurting me. He told me all the women he had been with before never had a dryness problem, so he never had to use a lube before. He claims to have 80+ sex partners before me. That really, really scares me, because now I think there’s something wrong with me. It’s not that I'm not wet down there; I am. It’s just that it dries up really fast. And even if I’m still really horny and want to go for another round, I know it’s going to hurt. I don’t understand it. Is there something wrong with me?
Even Gene Simmons Knows What Lube Is
Listen closely: There is nothing wrong with you. Really; you’re fine. It’s your boyfriend who’s got the problem: he’s full of shit. This dude is fucking with your head. And shame on him for shifting the blame to you for his inadequacy, ignorance, inexperience—and being so misinformed about the fundamentals of female sexuality. What a jerk! Kick this monkey to the curb, why don’tcha? Find yourself a man that really knows what he’s doing, not some blowhard braggart who’s just looking to notch another conquest on his belt.
I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that your boyfriend is about your age. I’d also wager my last dollar that he’s bullshitin’ you big time about his sexual prowess. No guy in his early 20s has had any where near that many female sex contacts. It just doesn’t happen—unless your boyfriend is a part-time porn star. I can say this with certainty about your man, because if he was mature enough to have wooed 80+ women into sex, he’d absolutely know how essential lube is to a successful and mutually satisfying fuck. You’re right to be suspicious of him. Any doofus who doesn’t know about lube or even where to get some is a rank amateur and he shouldn’t be let near anyone’s pussy until he wises up.
And Now, Without Further Ado: Here’s the 411 on Natural Female Lubrication and Personal Lubricants!
And for the record, you can bank on this.
First, in terms of natural female lubrication, no two women are exactly alike. There are also numerous variables that will affect the amount of natural lubrication a woman will produce at any given time in her life. These include age, overall health, diet, stress levels, use of birth control, hydration, estrogen levels, menopause and environmental chemicals—like the stuff in soaps and detergents, just to name a few. Some women produce loads of natural lubrication; others very little. And, I might add, this is not unlike precum production in men. Some guys drip like a leaky faucet; for others precum is virtually nonexistent.
You say you get wet down there. Okay, things seem to be working as they should. Are you producing enough natural lubrication to make for an effortless fuck? Probably not—particularly if your lovemaking lasts longer than a “wham-bam-thank-you, ma’am!” But here’s the thing: even if you had the wettest pussy in town, you’d still want to have a stash of a nice personal lube handy just in case, or to supplement what your body is already producing, especially if there’s gonna be an encore. And don’t ever leave this kind of intimate decision about what you will use in the recesses of your body to someone who doesn’t even have a pussy. That’s just kind of dumb, don’tcha think? I mean, would you let a man pick out the feminine hygiene products you use? I think not!
Be proactive! If you’re old enough to fuck, you sure as hell are old enough to be familiar with the intimate workings of your own body. If, at 22, you still have questions about natural female lubrication in general and/or your own capacity to produce natural lubrication in particular, then you’ve got some remedial boning up to do. Pun intended.
Every sexually active woman (and man!) should be well-versed in two very important things. First and foremost, you should know all about contraception, and you and your partner(s) should be practicing at least two methods. Better safe than sorry. Second, you should know the fundamentals about lubes and condoms, particularly if you are mixing the two. Some lubes work great with condoms; some lubes don’t. And you need to know the difference. Don’t expect your male lovers to be more knowledgeable or prepared than you are. Remember that men, as wonderful as we are (!), can scarcely think beyond the stiffness of our own dicks.
To the question of personal lubricants—there are dozens and dozens to choose from. There are water-based, silicone-based, water and silicone-based hybrids, oil-based, sugar-free, flavored, warming, arousing and desensitizing lubes, just to name a few. Don’t know the difference? Well darlin’, you have your work cut out for you. I hasten to add—this doesn’t need to be a chore. The all-powerful internets are right there at your fingertips. Search for personal lubricants and marvel at the wealth of free information that is available. Just about every online retailer will have loads of information about all the different kinds of lubes they sell.
Here’s an overview: Silicone lube is not safe for use with silicone toys.
There are numerous kinds of water-based lubes. They come in several formulas, including liquid, gel, and body-glide. If a lube contains additives that warm, tingle, cool, desensitize or whatnot, these additives may be trouble for sensitive skin. And if it contains glycerin or parabens, like many of the flavored lubes, it’s not recommended for internal use. Think yeast infection.
Here’s another tip: before spending your hard-earned money on a bottle of one kind of lube or another, why not try a sampler pack? Several online retailers offer numerous variety packs for you to choose from. Why not have a lube party where you and your gal pals, or you and your boyfriend sample all the lubes that come in the assortment. This way you’ll not only be educating yourself, but your friends and/or lovers will be learning right along with you.
Good luck!