At first, the recent arrest of former Creek County, Okla., judge Donald Thompson, reported in Tulsa World, seemed like mundane stuff—charges like DUI, possession of a controlled substance without a prescription, and a few others looked pretty run-of-the-mill, though bail was set at $76,500. Then the story quietly reveals that several years ago Thompson was convicted of four felony counts of indecent exposure for masturbating using a penis pump … while at work, serving as a judge on four trials.

A 2006 USA Today story says that Thompson’s former court reporter Lisa Foster saw him expose himself, during trials, 15 times between 2001 and 2003. Thompson testified that the penis pump was a gag gift given to him by a hunting buddy. In a Hail Mary pass that beats “I didn’t inhale,” Thompson “said he may have absentmindedly squeezed the pump's handle during court cases but never used it to masturbate.”

And it gets better.

“Foster told authorities that she saw Thompson use the device almost daily during the August 2003 murder trial of a man accused of shaking a toddler to death. A whooshing sound could be heard on Foster's audiotape of the trial.”

Thompson was also charged last June with stalking Angela McCLanahan-Fernandez, his former girlfriend.

Watch for a) a growing demand for sex toy silencers, b) a growing demand by all workers to be allowed to wear robes on the job and c) the story that appears the day after Thompson learns how to take wiener pics with his cell phone.