February 24, 2011

The Appetites Project: Tea

by Kal Cobalt

It might not seem obvious, but tea can be intensely sexy. If you're looking for a warm, sumptuous drink to share with your partner(s), there are teas that will knock your socks off. Some teas are great options for caffeine-sensitive sweeties or sober partners. Whether you're looking for a pick-me-up or a calm-you-down, there is a tea that can improve your evening (or morning) of carnal delights.

Bachelor #1: Black Tea.

Health: Caffeinated (although not as much as coffee); can be dehydrating.
You know it from: "Breakfast" teas, Captain Picard's beloved "Earl Grey, hot," and most tea automatically served at your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Personality: Aggressive, with stamina!
Pet peeves: Being made "wimpy." A good black tea deserves a proper brewing!
Seeking: A sexy beast looking for a quick pick-me-up before a romp in the sheets.
Hotness: Piping! Dunk into water at 212 degrees (boiling).
Stamina: Can go the distance, but no marathon runner. Steep for 5 minutes.

Bachelor #2: Green Tea.

Health: Excellent source of antioxidants. Less caffeinated than Bachelor #1, but still enough you might feel a pick-me-up.
You know it from: Jasmine tea, or perhaps green tea ice cream.
Most misunderstood quality: Some people think green tea tastes bitter because they've only had poorly-prepared stuff.
Personality: Herby/"grassy," ranging from intense to delicate.
Seeking: A health-conscious lover who would like a refreshing but not too sweet before-bonking beverage.
Hotness: Medium. Let this one slip into something comfortable at 160-180 degrees.
Stamina: Likes it nice and easy. Steep for 3 minutes, tops.

Bachelor #3: White Tea.

Health: Said to be good for heart health and perhaps even help prevent cancer.
You know it from: Not much! White teas have yet to really hit it "big."
Most misunderstood quality: White teas do look quite pale in the cup, but can still pack quite a taste.
Personality: Delicate and nuanced.
Seeking: A sweetheart who enjoys the subtler forms of romance.
Hotness: Mild. Keep it at foreplay level between 150-160 degrees.
Stamina: It's all over pretty quick! 2 minutes take this tea from dried to fried.

Bachelor #4: Herbal Tea.

Health: A cornucopia! Whatever you'd like, herbal tea can deliver, since the types are only as limited as herbs themselves.
You know it from: Chamomile tea as a soothing sleepy-time drink.
Most misunderstood quality: It's not technically "tea." There are no tea leaves in it, only herbs. (This also means no caffeine.)
Personality: As varied as the herbs within — check the ingredients!
Seeking: Anyone who knows what they want. Whether you're an anxious one who needs to relax before the big date or a slow-to-arouse sweetie wanting zip, you're covered.
Hotness: Blazing! Steep in 212-degree water (boiling).
Stamina: Crazy. Steep for 5-10 minutes, sometimes more — this one can go as long as you can!