Shawn Batie is, allegedly, a meth addict. And though we feel very bad for meth addicts, generally, we notice their behavior when it becomes newsworthy. Batie, for example, got picked up by police for wandering around a cemetery half naked in the dark. But that's not the best part.

Officers were called to Beckman Road in Lodi, Calif., where they found Batie standing in the dirt with a flashlight. They say he was all jittery. But most notably was his lack of pants. And, you know, what he was wearing instead.

He wore an Oakland Raiders jacket for a shirt. For pants, he was wearing a G-string. And just to be sure the G-string didn't fall off (we assume), he'd secured it with a hair scrunchie around his genitals. When police asked Batie where his pants were, he said “they must have been taken.” Yeah, we're kinda confused, too.

Turns out Batie's a parolee who had missed a check-in.

It's not every day you get to read something as equally hilarious and disturbing as this tale. Moral of the story? If you skipped your check-in date and you're hopped up on glass, stay indoors.