If you are single and happy, this article doesn’t concern you. Move on to the next article here.
If you’re single and bitter, read the rest of this article, and cackle over all the trouble you won’t have to deal with.
But if you’re in a relationship, read on, as you may be suffering from a serious case of R.A.N.C.I.D. – Romantic Aptitude Nuance & Communication Insufficiency Disorder. It’s quite possible that the next 24 hours may be critical for the harmony of the relationship and your survival.
Here are some low cost, last-ditch Valentines rescue ideas collected from my friends and readers.
Love Message In a Bottle
-Glass bottle with cork. Washed and dry. (In a pinch a plastic water bottle will do)
-Sand (Hardware store)
-Large tray or baking sheet
Write a short love note or dirty sexy instructions on the paper. Roll it up, tie it with a string and insert into the bottle. Cork the bottle. Pour the sand on the tray to make a “beach.” Place the tray on the porch or somewhere prominent in the house. Arrange the bottle on the “beach” for your lover to find. If you have a few seashells, add them to complete the mood. Big thanks to Kingston for this one.
Romantic dinner for two ... at home?
Miss Lyss, from the very dreary Pacific Northwest suggests a sexy Indoor Picnic. Clear a room and spread out the picnic blanket. If you have houseplants, arrange them around the blanket for a change of scenery. Download and play nature sounds of bird songs or crashing waves. Get your lover’s favorite take away food, desert and beverage. Go for finger foods and enjoy hand-feeding pleasures!
How about a game of hide the lover?
The Romantic Scavenger Hunt is easy to set up. Get a bag of your lover’s favorite wrapped candy and a pad of sticky notes. Hide the candy around the house with notes giving clues to the next location. The final candy can be hidden under their pillow or in your custody, for them to claim with a kiss. Thanks, Ric Womble for this!
Perhaps a bath, my love?
The crew at I Rub My Duckie suggested this delicious way to celebrate. Leave paper hearts (or some polyester rose petals) leading from the front door to the bathroom, where the lights are low, the candles are lit, and your lover’s favorite music plays. There they will find a bubble bath with a note next to a bell.
“Undress, climb in, relax. Ring bell for service.”
You might also provide a menu of services available. Once they ring the bell, you enter in a suit, like a butler, with strawberries and their favorite beverage on a tray. Of course, your honey might prefer a maid to a butler. If so, bring out the pinafore and heels!
Who doesn’t love a gift certificate?
Personal Gift Certificates will pay off dividends all year around! PreciousKitten suggests searching online for designs on certificates. Those of you with graphic design skills can show off your talent. If you’re a handy crafter, bring out the color papers, adhesives and trims. Make certificates for sexy pleasures or practical delights that would delight their senses and bring them joy. Favorite sex acts, massage, household chores, movie nights, home cooked meals, picnics, midnight dessert run or naughty games all make excellent certificates.
The Play List
Once upon a time, people made sappy mixed tapes and gave them to their lovers. Download all the songs that remind you of your lover or the romance you share, and make a play list. Perhaps you might arrange them as a story of how your relationship has grown to where it is now, and how you hope to grow together. Write a note to share why each song is special and reminds you of them.
Messaggio di Amore
Send love text messages all day long in exotic tongues – in Italian, French, Russian or even Pig Latin!
A basket customized for her pleasure!
This requires a trip to a grocery store or a dollar store and a bit of creative naughty thinking. Buy a large woven basket or a large decorative bowl. Fill it with sensual, sexual or pervertable items. Don’t forget the silly and funny items. Need some ideas?
-Scour the produce section for veggie world’s answer to dildos.
-Scarf or sleep mask for sensual blindfold
-Candles (don’t forget the matches)
-Colored light bulbs will change the mood of any room
-Electric toothbrushes make funny vibes
-Brands of personal lube you’ve never tried
-Pastry brushes and make-up brushes for sensual caresses
-Breath strips and mints bring zing to oral sex
-Foods purported to be aphrodisiacs (apples, pomegranates, chocolates)
-Ribbons or plastic wrap for bondage play
-The toy section may have princess tiaras or plastic handcuffs for role playing props
Le Grande Suprise!
Finally, a great suggestion for the future from my best friend, whose passionate and compassionate marriage always amazes me. Celebrate Valentines on random, unannounced days. On February 15th buy Valentines cards on sale. Between now and the next Valentines, when the mood strikes you, surprise your love with a personal Valentines, complete with chocolates, roses and a love note in a card. It’ll be the best Valentine's Day ever!
Happy heart day to us all!
-image by PV KS