It’s not what you think it is.

I’ve been back from Japan for the last three days and I’m still trying to process all the bizarre shit I’ve seen and done. Boob pudding, ancient prostitution, Japanese sex dungeons, too much silverware, various other things that can’t be unseen…that sort of thing. Not that I wasn’t prepared, I mean. When I originally left for Japan I was told that on every street corner I would be assaulted with disturbing vending machines selling used schoolgirl underwear and their bottled spit. Lies.

Also, turns out that the picture of the ninety-foot Japanese schoolgirl straddling a bus that dozens of people sent me was faked and never actually existed.