Susan and I recently celebrated our 15th anniversary. It’s a fairly significant milestone, so we decided a full week of revelry – away from the kids, away from responsibilities – was in order.
We packed a suitcase with swimsuits and a few “accessories” – such as Cupid’s Collection by Kama Sutra and Shunga Erotic Art’s Garden of Edo Organic Collection – and then left town. “As soon as we got to our room at the hotel, Rydell started pulling all the oils and bath salts and stuff out of the pockets in his bag,” Susan says. “He was like Mary Poppins with a sexy-time satchel.”
Guilty as charged. And may I say that the trip’s menu of titillating condiments all played out … (sing with me here) “in the most delightful way!” Here are a few snippets.
Afternoon #1 – Cupid’s Collection
Remember that scene in American Beauty when Mena Suvari is lying naked on a huge bed that’s absolutely smothered with red rose petals? Visually, it’s quite striking, and while I’m partial to short skirts, vibrating panties, and nightclubs as precursors to my sexual exploits, I sort of dig the romantic extravagance of a boudoir rose garden.
In theory, at least. “What a fucking mess,” Susan says.
Probably, but what about synthetic petals from Cupid’s Collection? “At first, I was thinking they’d be a little cheesy,” admits Susan, “but when Rydell scattered them on our bed – luckily it was all white – I changed my mind. It looked very fairy tail-ish.”
Until I covered her eyes with the blindfold, positioned her on the bed, and sprinkled Cupid’s strawberry honey dust over breasts and belly before fondling her with the feather duster. “I loved it all,” Susan says. “The mystery of what he was doing … my nipples got so hard every time he brushed them.
“And when he finally laid down on me, all the powder made us slippery, but our skin was still dry. There was something very sensual about that.”
When we finished, I realized that the dust had left a pink tint on parts of the bedspread – and that even synthetic petals needed to be picked up (and saved for next time). No problem, I thought, and went back to my bag.
“That’s when he pulled out the Coquette Red Maid Corset,” Susan says. “It sounds like he was being an ass, but it was actually pretty cute. I put it on and gave him a little show as I tidied things up.”
Evening #3 – Garden Of Edo
Among other strengths, my wife gives really good … massages. “I liked the consistency of Shunga’s regular oil,” Susan says, “but I really liked the aphrodisiac stuff.”
After the standard massage, Susan stripped off her bra and panties and grabbed the exotic green tea aphrodisiac oil. “I wasn’t sure how much to use at first,” she says, “so I started with just little dabbles at the base of his neck.”
The first thing I noticed was the aroma. It’s called “green tea.” I’m not sure if that’s what it smells like, but it definitely smells really good. “Yes, it does,” Susan adds. “I was straddling Rydell, and found myself leaning forward to breathe it in, and every time I did, my clit ring tugged just a little bit against his skin. Before I knew it, I was swollen and wet, so I guess there is something to the aphrodisiac qualities.”
Realizing the massage portion of the evening had concluded, I rolled over beneath her and used my fingers to work a little of the oil into Susan’s nipples. “It heats up so fast and so much,” she says. “Rydell would blow on them and it felt like somebody was aiming a hairdryer at my tits. It felt lovely – and a little wicked, all at once.”
Night #5 – Naughty People
After a few evenings out on the town, we were ready for an in-room movie night, with one twist: We would wear nothing but our matching Coquette naughty people ensembles, a chemise for Susan and boxer briefs for Rydell. They feature all-over prints of little … well, naughty people drawings. Artistically, they’re very similar to Nintendo’s Mii characters, if Mii characters had dicks and tits and pussies.
“They’re hilarious,” Susan says. “We sat around studying all the figures and choosing our favorites. The sock monkey dude is kind of creepy. I love the mustachioed gentlemen, and Rydell and I agree that the best is the woman in the crotchless she-devil costume. Where can I get one of those?”
Afternoon #7 – Bath Time
“I love baths,” Susan says, “but rarely take them. After returning from the beach, I asked Rydell to run the water. When I got into the bathroom, the tub was full of bubbles and emerald water that you’d think had come from some lagoon in Hawaii.
“He had surprised me with the bath salts from the Shunga collection. When I got in, I looked around because it smelled like there was a mellow incense stick burning, but it was the bath salts. That was the epitome of tranquility – and a perfect primer for the night.”
Night #7 – Back To The Garden Of Edo
For our last night – the grand finale – we pulled out Shunga’s Lotus Noir Sensitizing Gel. The directions say to apply it to both the clitoris and head of the penis prior to sex. We did, and before long I felt like I had stuck my dick in a glass of Alka-Seltzer-infused, menthol-flavored vodka. It was cold and fizzy, and I have to admit, I liked it. It felt like we were fucking at the top of Mt. Everest, which would be pretty intense, right?
“It wasn’t what I was expecting at all,” Susan says. “Don’t misunderstand: it was intense, absolutely stimulating. My clit was tingling, but I can’t explain the sensation more than that.”
Maybe I can help: It was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.