especially our romantically loved ones. Slippers are great, but sex toys are better. As long as you make quality, beauty and safety your main priorities, you can’t go wrong with a pleasure object (unless you’re in a relationship with a religious neo-con, i.e. one of the few ones who don’t have a secret gimp suit hidden under their bed). Here are ten of our favorites — pick the one that’s right for your sexy Santa or your own nicely naughty wish list:
1. Lelo’s Insignia line — Talk about geek love. This is the first line of vibrating toys that allows you or your partner to control the sensations wirelessly with just the tilt of a hand using iPhone and Wii technology. Choose between an egg, a love ring, or a couple’s massager — all are waterproof, non-porous and phthalate free.
2. Jimmyjane Iconic Collection - This company took the best, most popular vibrators that ever existed, made them out of hygienic, non-porous, phthalate-free material (unlike all their knockoffs) and gave them all a cool design touch by making them all white. They’ve got all the great sex toy bases covered: there’s a love ring, a bullet, a wand, a rabbit, a pocket rocket, to name a few — all of which are super affordable for such a high-end brand! If you or someone you love has a subscription to I.D. magazine and uses a Herman Miller chair at work, then this set will make a great indulgent treat.
3. Holiday Duckie Ball — The vibrating duckie is a classic: waterproof, powerful, discreet and non-threatening. You can make it even more adorable — and thus less likely to offend — by opting for the Santa-suited duckie in the ornament ball. The little yellow vibe made of PVC, which keeps the price down, but at least it’s phthalate-free PVC! (There’s also a gold duckie holiday ball, too.)
4. Metal Worx — Stainless steel is a natural, hygienic, easy to clean material. Plus, it just looks super cool and shiny (thank you, hand polishing!). Even the most homophobic, tool-loving, man’s man would have a hard time turning down the Teazer probe — especially if you gave it to him under the mistletoe.
5. Lelo’s Intima Collection — If your partner has a secret kinky side but also a fashion sense that won’t abide pleather and chunky silver chains, you can give them a kinder, gentler BDSM experience with Lelo’s elegant and sensual wrist ties, blindfolds and feather teasers. The deep red color of these bedroom accessories is perfect for the holidays.
6. Tenga - Forget the Fleshlight. Let’s class it up this Christmas for the porn connoisseur in your life and opt for “onacups” (onanism cups) with a sense of design and style. You can even get a cute little Tenga hole warmer to stick in their stocking.
7. Smartballs Kit — Have a friend who is going to have a baby? Or just had one? Help get her pelvic floor (back) in shape with a Smartballs kit from Fun Factory, the smiley-happy toy manufacturer. Smartballs help tone vaginal muscles to make childbirth easier, get the pelvic floor back in shape after delivery, improve her orgasms, and increase sensation for her baby-daddy. Much better coming from you than her partner. You can choose a red Teneo Uno and a green Teneo Duo for the holidays!
8. Garden of Edo Organic Collection — If you’re going to pamper your Pookie (we’re talking about a loved one, not a body part here) with a collection of massage oils and bath salts, make it thrice as nice by opting for a brand that’s certified organic and erotically inclined.
9. Kimono Condoms — Safer sex is always in season. And condoms are the perfect “stockings” to stuff in your friend or lover’s stocking! Kimono Microthins are the thinnest condom available in the US — 20 percent thinner than normal condoms! They’re natural latex rubber and animal-product-free.
10. Candy Cane — This one won’t give your sweet-toothed sweetheart a cavity. Or any other ailments, for that matter, since tempered glass is one of the safest materials out there when it comes to toys: it’s non-porous and phthalate-free. Hide it in a Holiday Hide a Gift Pillow so you can play Secret Santa when you two cozy up by the fire.