THE TALK. Was "anal" part of it for you? Will it be when YOU give it to your kids?

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THE TALK. Was "anal" part of it for you? Will it be when YOU give it to your kids?

Bignuf Bignuf
We had a big time discussion among our close friends last night. All are into anal with their spouses, but NONE there spoke a word about it when they had "the talk" to their kids, growing up. None of them heard a word about it either. SO...is this going to be different with the "next generation", as anal sexuality seems FAR more "mainstream" according to every poll out there. Mind you, most said, or heard nothing about ORAL either (we are in our late 30's to mid 60's...a pretty wide group of friends, age wise). Thank before answering, and BE HONEST. Voting is private.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, I heard about anal as part of
2
No, sure heard nothing about anal from my parents.
69
Yes, I plan to speak to my kids about anal when I give them
15
No, I will not speak to my kids about anal when I give them
28
I never got "the talk" from my parents.
33
I never gave "the talk" to my kids, now too old for it.
Other?
15
Total votes: 162 (97 voters)
Poll is closed
08/30/2011
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babychika babychika
Omg talk about uncomfortable
08/30/2011
Ansley Ansley
I will not be reproducing, so it's a moot point. However, I see no harm in disclosing this might be something a future partner is interested in and that are proper ways to do it and wrong ways to do it.

I don't care what aspect of sex comes up, there are proper ways to say "yes this is okay to do, just be careful and don't do this ___________". Ignoring it and denying it exists or is pleasurable is why a lot of people have hang-ups about anal and other activities.
08/30/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I think that discussing anal is something that, when the time is right, I will discuss. Probably around the time that I discuss toys and masturbation. I would hate for my children to get hurt or sick from using unsafe items both vaginally or anally. When I discuss actual sex with them, it will probably be a part of the discussion as well. A few moments of discomfort is worth their being 1, safe; and 2, unashamed when they are in the situation.
08/30/2011
systematicweasel systematicweasel
I never got that part in the discussion lol. Just never came up I guess. As for me telling my kids, me and my partner have decided we don't really want kids, so don't think we'll be giving the talk anytime in the future lol
08/30/2011
Liz2 Liz2
Anal sex was never mentioned and though I am fairly open with my mother, we never yet have discussed anal.

I don't have children yet but when the time comes I will discuss it. Perhaps by then, 20 yrs, anal sex will be as mainstream as oral!
08/30/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
barely anything was mentioned during my talk except "don't have sex until marriage," so of course anal was not brought up at all. i was pretty clueless about everything, needless to say.

if i have kids, i will talk about anal, but i will tell them it's not something you have to do to have happy sex life. i'll tell them how to do it safely though, just so they don't hurt themselves.
08/30/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
Anal was never brought up during my talk, although I never got much of a talk. A short discussion was had when my cousin got pregnant at 16, but nothing much came of that. As for my own kids? Well, I'll try to work that into the talk. I know it's going to be uncomfortable for my kids to talk about anything sex related probably, although I'm hoping that they'll be able to talk to me about sex and sex related things easily.
08/30/2011
Beck Beck
I learned about anal from porn. My mom gave me the talk and the only thing she pretty much told me was do not do it until marriage. If you do here use this, and do not forget to take your pill. I found out all on my own what everything was. Before she even told me, since she waited till I was 12 or so. I knew so much after being sexually abused, finding their porn, and older kids at school that she should of talked to me when I was about 6 or so.

When it is time for the sex talk anal and oral will be included to my boys. I am giving my boys the sex talk by the time they hit kindergarten. I believe all kinds of sexual acts should be told to them. Of course until a little maturer I am keeping it PG-13. I just want them to know that no one touches you their like this, and if someone does it is important to tell mommy. Maybe I would not of kept my sexual abused to myself for so ling if my mother would talked to me so soon. By the time my boys are 10 though they will know what sex completely is, how you need to do it if you are going to. How you want to avoid pregnancy and STD's and all the ways to do this. Also that the only way to avoid pregnancy and std's completely and still have sex is through masturbation. Abstinence is not even going to be in my sex talk. I do not believe in it and refuse to think that is the best way to teach kids. All I did was laugh at the teacher in school trying to tell us to be abstinent, and later that night I was going home and doing it anyhow.

We are going the same approach with drugs also. My honey has two older kids; 18 and 20; when they were younger he showed them pictures of crack, meth, and anything else you can think of. And I am talking the age of 6 or so. And told them anyone ever shows you this you tell your father. Showed them pictures of what happens to people from doing these drugs. Told them that this was crap they do not want to mess around with. Stuck in their heads, they remember that day to this day.

The honest truth about things is the best way for everything. The sex talk is no different. Not sure why anyone would have the sex talk and not include anal or oral. Anal especially since this is the one that has to be done the safest.
08/30/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I learned about anal from porn. My mom gave me the talk and the only thing she pretty much told me was do not do it until marriage. If you do here use this, and do not forget to take your pill. I found out all on my own what everything was. Before ...
My discussion with my kids about abstinence is going to be masturbation. That it's OK to not have sex with other people and that no one should pressure them into it. But if they want to take care of their needs they can take care of it on their own.

I've already told my oldest (6) that it's okay to touch herself as long as it's done in private. Shouldn't be done in the living room in front of everyone.
08/30/2011
ijako9 ijako9
Parent never did (thankfully) and I won't to my kids unless I want to scar them for life
08/30/2011
Lucky21 Lucky21
So, I started asking questions VERY young, and my parents actually started giving me books to read about stuff when I was pretty darn young. Then I went to a program called AYS and learned even more about sex stuff, so I've known about anal for a very long time. But, yes, I think anal will be a part of "The Talk" just because I know kids like to say stuff, like you can't get STD's or stuff from oral or anal or they say it's "safe" and I want them to know what safe actually is.
08/30/2011
Dawn (Lilac Distraction) Dawn (Lilac Distraction)
My parents never really told me much. I'll have an open line of communication with my kids so they can ask me anything they're wondering about.

I'm actually working on becoming a sex therapist/educator. If I couldn't talk to my kids, who could I talk to? Haha!
08/30/2011
mandiegk mandiegk
My parents never talked to me about sex at all. I'm pretty sure they would have been horrified to talk to me about anal.
08/30/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
My Man and I have 3 children and we don't believe in "The Talk." Learning about sex is an organic, ongoing experience, and we've already relied on Teachable Moments to talk about sex as it comes up.

Ongoing discussions are better, IMO, than one "talk" because it evolves as the child and you become more sophisticated.

Years ago, I did give one of my older daughters some invalid information about anal sex, mainly because I didn't know anything about it. I have attempted to redux the discussion, but she's older now, and said she knows I made a mistake. We all make mistakes as parents, taking it one day at a time is best.
08/30/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
I don't plan to have kids, so no "talk" to give here. I got the talk, repeatedly from various people, but it was well after I was too old to need it. I was legal by then... No one mentioned Anal, though, I found out about that on my own.
08/30/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
My parents never talked to me about sex - in the classic do this don't do that way. My only exposure to a discussion of anal sex is that my mother complained that my father wanted her to rim him and have anal sex - which she would not do.

As far as my kids are concerned, no I have not spoken with them about anal sex and don't plan to. These days there is no excuse for not knowing the pros and cons of any sexual activity. Unlike in my day when word of mouth and trial-and-error were about the only options, the internet offers a wide range of information.

And yes my kids are sophisticated enough to know that there is as much bad information as good on the internet - so they always check multiple sources if something important is involved.
08/30/2011
MR Chickhabit MR Chickhabit
Quote:
Originally posted by babychika
Omg talk about uncomfortable
unintentional or not, excellent pun


also, of course im going to talk about anal, ill talk about just about anything i can with my kids so that they can go into their sex lives prepared.
08/30/2011
mammas place mammas place
no i didnt talk to my kids about this
08/30/2011
Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
I didn't have one "talk" about sex, more like some conversations.

As for anal - I'm ending up doing "the talk" for my Mom, because she sees my anal toys (small apartment, I need to wash them). She's convinced it would be painful, that it's done for the giver's pleasure only etc. Even when she watches gay movies with me she misinterprets the cries of pleasure as pain (if it's pain, then why the top is sounding the same as the bottom ? ).

If I have kids I will mention anal when disusing sex for pleasure, safety, consent and other similar topics.
08/30/2011
Kkay Kkay
My mother's version of 'the talk' focused on making sex shameful and humiliating, and covered absolutely nothing I needed to know.

I don't have children, but if I do at some point in the future, I'd mention anal. I'd also mention oral and manual sex, protection, toys, and the importance of a safeword even in vanilla relationships.

Idealism says that kids won't need that info or that something distant on birds and bees will work; reality says I knew how to give a blowjob when I was seven. Not consensually, but it was still my reality. I'd rather have a child get balanced, reliable information from me about sex than rely on the rumor mill.
08/30/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
We had a big time discussion among our close friends last night. All are into anal with their spouses, but NONE there spoke a word about it when they had "the talk" to their kids, growing up. None of them heard a word about it either. ...
Honestly, I never really thought about it! My girls are at an age where they are wanting to talk about sex, dating and romantic love but the details of any of this are not really appreciated right now. I do tend to talk about review items and sex myths I run in to while writing reviews nd such so they have heard quite a bit about proper preparation and using proper toys for anal play. I would certainly discuss it with them if they are interested but I've never really had to sort of broach the subject without being asked a question or other type of lead in.
08/30/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
My discussion with my kids about abstinence is going to be masturbation. That it's OK to not have sex with other people and that no one should pressure them into it. But if they want to take care of their needs they can take care of it on their ...
ROFL My oldest discovered her "wiggly" (her clitoris, her word for it) when she was 15 months old and told me all about it. I just nodded wisely and waited till she was asleep to laugh till I cried with her father who was a bit non-plussed. With both girls we always told them it was fine to play with themselves in their bedroom but it wasn't something my eyes wanted to see.
08/30/2011
ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
I don't remember having a real, sit-down "talk" about sex, aside from her telling me that if anyone touched me there that I was supposed to tell her no matter what. She was molested when she was a kid and didn't know to tell anyone, and it still bothers her now, so she wanted to make sure I never went through that.

I think at some point I had questions that needed to be answered, so my mom told me, kind of. She used to have a much different opinion of things. She told me everyone masturbates, but that it was a sin and I shouldn't do it. That caused me years of needless guilt because, of course, I masturbated anyway. I got a yeast infection when I was 12 and didn't tell anyone because I thought that it was punishment for masturbating. Sigh.

She also told me to wait until marriage to have sex, and she only said something about anal because that was also "a sin," and painful and dirty.

I've told her since I've gotten older what her "talks" had done to me. That I felt ashamed of myself for masturbating when I was younger. She regrets it now. She's also a lot more educated as far as sex goes because of my being part of this site. We have a better, more open relationship than when I was little, so I've told her that I believe anal is fine when done in a safe way.

I don't have kids, but when I do, I plan not to really have a "talk" necessarily, but I will bring it up when I need to. I will make sure my kids are informed about everything they need to be to have a safe and happy sex life, so I will bring up anal when I feel I should.
08/30/2011
Istanbull Istanbull
I believe when a child is old enough to ask, they are old enough to know.

If/when I know they are masturbating, I will have a special edition talk with them on not using household items. When they are coming of age It will be at that time that I will buy a gift card to this site with an appropriate amount of money for them to buy one item if they so choose. I will inform them that they will be on their own in the transaction so they will have total privacy. I will instruct them to keep it hidden in a place such as their underware drawer and that from now on(if they aren't already) they will be in charge of putting away their own underware. I would rather know my daughter is using a rabbit instead of some vegitable with sharps, or that my son is using a pocket pussy instead of having is dick cut off in our vacume cleaner. As I've told many people here and on other sites, only use things that were meant to be used for sex. Anything else only leads to embarrassing trips to the ER.

I will never tell my children to wait till marriage. I know from experiance that virginity is a highly overrated state hyped up by church pandering media. I challenge the abstinence till marriage crowd's claim that pre-marital sex leads to divorce. In fact, I believe it guarentees divorce since it doesn't allow people to go and experiment with different people. To become better lovers before they decide to choose one to be their mate. I am going to encourage my children to enjoy healthy sex lives now before they settle down.

As for the anal talk. Again, when they are coming of age I will make mention of it and let them know to don't be afraid to experiment and enjoy sex, and be safe... and in this case by safe I mean "don't do anything that hurts. If it hurts, slow down or stop.".
08/31/2011
K101 K101
You know, I have not ever really thought about having the anal safe sex talk with the kids! WOW! I have no clue why that never occured to me before. Anal was NOT something that many did when I was a teen. I knew 2 people and that is all. I never did and still haven't and my partner and I both aren't interested, but I do see how that is important to discuss too! We've had the talk several times with the oldest, he's 13 and has questions all the time thankfully he comes to me with them Weve talked about anal sex, but I've not really done into details about it. We've talked all things safe sex and that boy still gives me the "SEX IS WRONG!" Speech everytime. Lol. He's not prude about it, but he is very set in his ways about not having sex. Which of course I'm very proud of. Most teens in the 7th grade are ONLY wanting sex. So I will discuss the anal sex and how to be safe as soon as the conversations up again. He says he doesn't even want to have sex when he's married. Lol. We're like "YOU WILL HAVE SEX!" Ha Ha. He thinks it's crazy. But I'm certain he's a long ways from going there. You're totally right, anal is strangely suddenly popular. It's like it's become a trend. Lol. I'm glad this was brought up. It is something that should be talked about. I want to discuss the safety measures, precautions, etc. about that with them.

The 11 year old asks questions, but hasn't really gotten there enough to discuss things and doesn't know exactly much about sex yet, but since he's in 6th grade now it will come up I'm sure. At the moment he barely knows what it is so I'm not going to approach him with scary anal things just yet. Lol. That boy's too focused on his Ipod and fishing and playing with the baby and swimming to care about anal sex. Lol. I'm sure the term is not new to him though. Especially since he's heard me call my partner an anal bead! Lol. He's also heard me refer to one of my pieces of jewelry I constructed as "my anal bead necklace" ha ha. I made it a while back and thought it was gorgeous, still do, but it looks exactly like a string of beautiful, sparkly pink anal beads! Lol. He thinks it's hilarious, but I doubt he knows that anal products or anal sex even exists yet.

I'm sure it won't be long though!
08/31/2011
PuddlePuppy PuddlePuppy
I'm a rambler, so I think I'd be able to slip anything into 'the talk' and then quickly exit the room so my kid can try to sort it all out in his/her head before I ask him/her if s/he has any questions the next day.
08/31/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I dunno if I'd talk to my kids about it (if/when I have them). I'll wait and see how their personalities go. If I have a son and he's gay...well, that's a job for the "Easy Button".
08/31/2011
robertk2380 robertk2380
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
We had a big time discussion among our close friends last night. All are into anal with their spouses, but NONE there spoke a word about it when they had "the talk" to their kids, growing up. None of them heard a word about it either. ...
When I got the talk (and that was a LONG time ago) my father was really uncomfortable and it went something like "So, do you have any questions?" and of course I said "no, not really." I was probably in 7th grade, when all the boys got to see some film about puberty. They invited fathers to attend with their sons. This was back in the 60s. So, I never really had "the talk" and eventually learned on my own. If I recall correctly, we found a copy of a book called "Everything you always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask". Me and my friends devoured it one summer when the parents were away from the house.

When it came to talking with my son we went for a ride in the car and I did a lot of talking about being safe, never, ever forcing the issue with his girl friend, that no means no and that there were other things to do besides intercourse. Never went into detail about those "other things" but I made my point and reinforced it later. So did my wife in her own way. I think it went well and we were pretty comfortable being honest with him, but it never occurred to me to talk about anal or oral sex.
08/31/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
I remember my father leaving a copy of The Joy of Sex lying around.

I thought I had to be a hairy hippy to have sex. (Anyone who remembers the 70s version of TJoS will know what I'm talking about.)
09/01/2011
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