When are you not a virgin?

Isadorabelle Isadorabelle
I've gotten a few different answers on this, so I thought I'd ask here (now that I know about the boards).

Are you still considered a virgin if your first penetration was by something other than a man? Like, say a sex toy? I've heard yes, no, and an array of other answers.
07/30/2010
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Beth D Beth D
I still consider myself a virgin because I've never had any kind of sex with someone. I think it's a personal thing, though. Some people have different factors they consider. It's my belief that an inanimate object can't take a person's virginity, broken hymen or not. But I also think that a woman doesn't have to have sex with a man to be considered no longer a virgin, that having sex with another woman does the 'trick', too. I think it's more mental than physical. Like 'I've had sex and am therefore no longer a virgin'.

If that makes any sense, lol
07/30/2010
kck kck
My personal opinion is that you're a virgin if A) you've never done anything; B) you've penetrated yourself with a toy or fingers or whatever. I think you're not a virgin when a partner penetrates you with either him/herself or a toy.
07/30/2010
Waterfall Waterfall
This is my opinion, but I think that you are not a virgin when you have been penetrated by a partner,and not just yourself.
07/30/2010
joja joja
I really dislike the distinction of virgin altogether. The most sense I've been able to make of it is considering myself a ____ virgin, replacing the blank with any activity - e.g. an anal virgin, a blowjob virgin, etc.

Why is virginity so penetration-centric? Many men are never penetrated by a toy or another man, are they all virgins forever? What about lesbians who aren't interested in penetrative play? Or straight women for that matter? The definitions are just all too strict. It's really a meaningless distinction. I suppose I agree with Beth D that it is a personal thing.
07/31/2010
crazypao crazypao
Quote:
Originally posted by Isadorabelle
I've gotten a few different answers on this, so I thought I'd ask here (now that I know about the boards).

Are you still considered a virgin if your first penetration was by something other than a man? Like, say a sex toy? I've ... More
I personally believe that any masturbation, penetration or not, is not considered sex, therefore cannot take your virginity. Sex with ANY other person, whether male or female, and not just "standard" vaginal sex, but oral and anal sex as well is considered taking your virginity.
08/17/2010
Annemarie Annemarie
I think it depends on your own personal definition of "virginity".

Me? I think that "losing one's virginity" is defined as "when you do something that makes you feel like you aren't a virgin anymore." For me, this was having sex with a girl. It's more emotional than physical.
08/17/2010
ScottA ScottA
It definitely needs to be the same for men and women. A definite feature of "loosing virginity" would involve sexual activity with a partner, but at what level becomes difficult to define. Kissing? Probably not. Petting? Fingering? Where's the line?
08/18/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Isadorabelle
I've gotten a few different answers on this, so I thought I'd ask here (now that I know about the boards).

Are you still considered a virgin if your first penetration was by something other than a man? Like, say a sex toy? I've ... More
IMO, penetration with an other person defines "losing" your virginity.

The hymen has nothing to do with it. Some women don't have hymens, some have stretchy ones, some have tight ones, and can still have sex with the hymen in place. Hymens can "break" from riding bicycles, horses, falling, masturbation all kinds of things.

I think if a girl is penetrated by an other female with a toy or even hands, it could qualify as "Cherry Poppin'" activity. But, (this probably isn't fair) in my mind, manual sex with a guy doesn't seem to fit the criteria of "losing" your virginity. Probably because the penis is considered the "thing" to pop a cherry in most societies. I didn't say it was "fair." It's just common perception.

Anal sex is one of those hazy things. I know young girls who consider themselves "technical virgins" and have supposedly never had PIV sex, but have anal regularly. I think that would count as "losing" your virginity. Also, it's hard to always keep the penis out of the vagina, especially if you are new to anal sex. It kind of slips in (and some people freak out, because of bacterial issues or pregnancy ones) But, I don't consider a young woman who has had anal sex a "Virgin." JMO.

Oddly, I had PIV and oral sex for decades before anal sex. So anal first is a little foreign to me.
08/18/2010
ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
IMO, penetration with an other person defines "losing" your virginity.

The hymen has nothing to do with it. Some women don't have hymens, some have stretchy ones, some have tight ones, and can still have sex with the hymen in ... More
I think the only reason for anal first is the whole "technical virgin because no one's penetrated my vagina" thing.

How about for men, then?
08/18/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by joja
I really dislike the distinction of virgin altogether. The most sense I've been able to make of it is considering myself a ____ virgin, replacing the blank with any activity - e.g. an anal virgin, a blowjob virgin, etc.

Why is virginity so ... More
HEAR HEAR!!!! I hate "The Cult of Virginity" like poison.
08/18/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
I think the only reason for anal first is the whole "technical virgin because no one's penetrated my vagina" thing.

How about for men, then?
Yeah, is he "still a virgin" if he's ONLY penetrated an anus? I think he isn't. He's HAD penetrative sex. He ISN'T a "virgin" IMNSHO.

But, as with a lot of things, virginity is a vague thing.
08/18/2010
Envy Envy
I think if you're penetrated by someone; anal, vaginal, doesn't matter. Someone else does it to you, you're not a virgin.

But it'd all vague and on a person-to-person thought basis. What you think may differ from what another thinks.
08/18/2010
guard083 guard083
unless it's with a human your still a virgin
12/08/2010
SexyTabby SexyTabby
Interesting...never thought about it before or knew there were so many different views on it. I just generically considered intercourse the removal of virginity but now I'm all confuzzled lol
12/08/2010
Avant-garde Avant-garde
Although I hate the word my personal definition Is quite non-conventional. It is how you feel or think about sex itself, physicality is irrelevant.
12/08/2010
CanMan CanMan
I have always thought if you have sex your not a virgin.
12/13/2010
PussyGalore PussyGalore
Quote:
Originally posted by Isadorabelle
I've gotten a few different answers on this, so I thought I'd ask here (now that I know about the boards).

Are you still considered a virgin if your first penetration was by something other than a man? Like, say a sex toy? I've ... More
It really depends on a variety of things. I lost my virginity when I was 14. To me, that means the first time I consentually had sex with someone. For me, consentual sex meant penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex because I am heterosexual.

For someone who is gay/bi/lesbian, it's their first consentual act of sex with the gender of their choice.

For girls, the hymen is something often torn away early on by falls, bike riding, horseback riding, tampon use, exploration with household objects (read: candlesticks).

The traditional meaning doesn't apply anymore now that there are so many variants of sexuality no longer hiding in the closet.
12/13/2010
MrRainybowbow MrRainybowbow
Well i wouldn't consider myself not a virgin untell i had sex all the way thru =/ with a man of course
12/20/2010
RemusHalifax RemusHalifax
To me, you're no longer a virgin with a man enter's your vagina with his penis or a woman enters your vagina with her sexual tool of choosing. I don't think toys, oral or fingers really count (unless maybe you're a lesbian or a bisexual with no other choices. Sorry, if I offended anyone there, not my intention.)

I think though, largely, it's up to the person it's happening to. Although, it would be hard to claim you're a virgin once you've had full-on sex with someone.
01/06/2011
NawlinsDawlin NawlinsDawlin
Quote:
Originally posted by Beth D
I still consider myself a virgin because I've never had any kind of sex with someone. I think it's a personal thing, though. Some people have different factors they consider. It's my belief that an inanimate object can't take a ... More
I completely agree!
01/12/2011
UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
While there may be a wide range of use of the term "virgin" by various people, I tend use the term as it was originally meant. That is to say, a woman is no longer a virgin after she's had vaginal intercourse.
01/12/2011
KatPawz2003 KatPawz2003
Quote:
Originally posted by Isadorabelle
I've gotten a few different answers on this, so I thought I'd ask here (now that I know about the boards).

Are you still considered a virgin if your first penetration was by something other than a man? Like, say a sex toy? I've ... More
Technically speaking no you would not be. The definition of the loss of virginity is from the hymen being broken. If you want to call yourself a virgin until you have actual sex then that is your point of view and perfectly normal.
01/13/2011
purplekidney purplekidney
She: The original definition of a virgin was a person who hadn't had sexual intercourse. Which can still vary a lot. To me, intercourse is anything with "sex" in it. Vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, whatever. It's different for everyone though and I think what matters the most is that a person is clear on what they think virginity is and whether or not it's a big deal to them.
04/11/2011
Ava5 Ava5
Quote:
Originally posted by Beth D
I still consider myself a virgin because I've never had any kind of sex with someone. I think it's a personal thing, though. Some people have different factors they consider. It's my belief that an inanimate object can't take a ... More
makes perfect sense to me! I agree
08/04/2011
ijako9 ijako9
I think you can have an orgasm and still be a virgin as long as a second person wasn't involved
08/05/2011
Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by KatPawz2003
Technically speaking no you would not be. The definition of the loss of virginity is from the hymen being broken. If you want to call yourself a virgin until you have actual sex then that is your point of view and perfectly normal.
A lot of people consider hymen condition to be an indicator of virginity. But that sucker can be broken by gymnastics, horseback riding, bike riding, stretching your legs a bit too far, a bad fall, or you can even be born with a broken or incomplete one. Sorry, but I'm not going to think of a ten-second-old baby as "not a virgin."

This old definition was apparently sometimes used as a way of "proving" whether or not a lady was "pure" for marriage, and is extremely outdated, though it sadly still persists. I can only imagine the girls in the olden times who were whispered about or completely ostracized for a broken hymen even though they may have never done anything.
08/07/2011
Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
i think you are not a virgin when you have sex with someone, regardless of gender (same or not).
08/07/2011
CherryDyke CherryDyke
I think of virgin as a scale where you stop being a virgin to certain acts over time while you do more and more.
08/29/2011
Illumin8 Illumin8
Quote:
Originally posted by crazypao
I personally believe that any masturbation, penetration or not, is not considered sex, therefore cannot take your virginity. Sex with ANY other person, whether male or female, and not just "standard" vaginal sex, but oral and anal sex as ... More
I tend to agree with this approach.
09/11/2011
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