Ever been with a stone butch/femme?

I'ev been with many stone lovers, but I've also been the stone lover. Maybe I can help explain it to you, Crashgasm.

Think of it this way, first:
Do you enjoy anal? Do you know someone else who doesn't? Let's focus on someone who doesn't like anal.

They don't like it. They don't enjoy it. They don't get anything out of it. Now, here comes this partner, and they love their partner, and their partner really loves anal. Their partner every time they're intimate asks why they can't just try anal, and after a while it really starts getting on their nerves. Why should they keep being asked? They've said no, they are not interested in it, and it gets really frustrating having to reestablish that, no, you still don't want to, and if you ever change your mind, they'll be the second to know.

Being stone is different from person, to person, though.

Some stones don't want to be touched. Some stones don't want to do the touching. Some stones don't want to be touched above the waist, or below the waist, or don't want to be touched in specific ways.

Many stones enjoy pleasuring their lover far more than they enjoy being pleasured themselves, and they can derive immense satisfaction simply from pleasing their partner.

Finally, I want to comment on the idea of "melting the stone." I am of the mind that you cannot ever melt someone's stone; people melt it themselves and let others hang out with them in the icebox.

I hope that helps.

I wanted to wait a bit to respond to this post, because my initial reaction was anger. Now that I've taken some time to think it through...

The word "frigid" is a really hurtful, negative way of speaking about someone's sexuality, even if you didn't intend it that way. How many times have we heard someone being called a "frigid bitch" because she wouldn't put out? That just really hit me hard, because stone lovers already have such negative reactions inflicted upon them out of ignorance, why add another?

Anyway, stone lovers can run the spectrum of what their stone boundaries are, I commented on this a bit in my first post, but maybe you didn't see it:

"Being stone is different from person, to person, though.

Some stones don't want to be touched. Some stones don't want to do the touching. Some stones don't want to be touched above the waist, or below the waist, or don't want to be touched in specific ways."


If you have other questions, I'm happy to respond.

I wasn't meaning it to sound hurtful, I just didn't know what other word to substitute for stone. :/ I have never heard of the terminology and have only heard that someone was 'frigid.'

So in other words... stone is kinda like.... asexual but not? I am very confused. Because I've heard of asexuals giving their partners pleasure when not getting anything themselves and actually preferring not to have it and just doing for their partners.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I am just very confused and am not getting a clear meaning here. Are they people who just can't feel? Refuse to feel? Etc? Is there a link to some site with background information I can read?

I wanted to wait a bit to respond to this post, because my initial reaction was anger. Now that I've taken some time to think it through...

The word "frigid" is a really hurtful, negative way of speaking about someone's sexuality, even if you didn't intend it that way. How many times have we heard someone being called a "frigid bitch" because she wouldn't put out? That just really hit me hard, because stone lovers already have such negative reactions inflicted upon them out of ignorance, why add another?

Anyway, stone lovers can run the spectrum of what their stone boundaries are, I commented on this a bit in my first post, but maybe you didn't see it:

"Being stone is different from person, to person, though.

Some stones don't want to be touched. Some stones don't want to do the touching. Some stones don't want to be touched above the waist, or below the waist, or don't want to be touched in specific ways."


If you have other questions, I'm happy to respond.

The word "Frigid" is actually a medical term, although rarely used anymore. (Different forms of "Sexual Dysfunction" are used more commonly, although you still hear the word in some situations.) It refers to someone, almost always a woman, who either cannot become sexually aroused or refuses to become sexually aroused. The thing is it CAN and does apply to men, although other terms are used even if they aren't specific.

Stones derive their pleasure (from what little I know about it) from pleasing their lover, and simply require little or no of their own physical sexual stimulation. Although I don't know enough about it to know make any more comments about it, not ever being in a sexual situation myself with these Boundaries.

All I think Goth was trying to do was put an unfamiliar term in a context she already has heard about. She's sweet and meant NO harm.

I've been stone butch and been with stone butches. I was a little taken aback when after Feinberg's "Stone Butch Blues" so many people started using "stone butch" as synonymous with transgendered. I've had a couple of FTM lovers and I'm the stone butch in that relationship.

I agree and disagree with the melting stone comment.

>"melting the stone." I am of the mind that you cannot ever melt someone's stone; >people melt it themselves and let others hang out with them in the icebox.

I had a relationship in the past in which we were both stone butch (in the 80s in a community that took its butchness inflexibly seriously) and to have a sexual relationship required that one of us 'make the sacrifice'. We had loved each other for years but joked about the impossiblity of the pairing. My friend came to me eventually and offered herself on a platter with no limit. It was a romantic but ultimately disasterous gesture.

Love her as much as I did, I couldn't have done what she did. The sex was tender and savage and important and mind-blowing. Literally mind-blowing. I'm sure it contributed to a mental breakdown and identity crisis that followed. (Or perhaps I'm taking too much credit and her offer was a sign of the breakdown to come.) She definitely laid her sexual identity and vagina on the altar to cement the relationship. A terrible burden for the start of any relationship.

I'm no longer stone. It's a complicated, long process that continues to challenge who and what I am. In many ways, I miss the clarity of the time when I was inpenetrable. The simplicity of "vicarious" sexual pleasure, the full body rush of skill on flesh and the tribadism.

Huh. I realize as I write this that actually I'm no longer "practicing stone" but its a huge part of my ME. Also when I was stone butch it was something lovers understood and accepted. The off and on "receptivity" has brought me a number of partners who expect that "openness" (which I still see as vulnerability and have to be 'in the mood' for).

9 times out of 10, I'd rather you sucked my dildo than fucked me with it.