Should we marry illegally or wait?

xi xi
Living in Arkansas, I cannot marry my fiance because (of course) gay and lesbian marriage is not legal. However, we can have a civil ceremony performed, it just won't be state recognized. I'm wondering if we should just go ahead and have the ceremony performed, or should we wait until we can go somewhere that it's legal? Or perhaps wait until Arkansas allows gay and lesbian marriages? (If ever.)
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Have the ceremony performed now
Taylor , Maeby , xi , MaryExy , Alyjazz , liilii080 , BBW Talks Toys , P'Gell , DeliciousSurprise , wetone123 , CuteDee , Alan & Michele , A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople) , Steve of Eden , angel142stx , Midway through , Misfit Momma , Nipplopulous , Owl Identified , thebest , Triple X Moma , ms.anon , Lucky21 , cujo467 , ElleBee , froggiemoma , Beck , Elnoa , mizzmilla , Ace <3 , Spirited Passion , The Curious Couple , zz1aag , LuciFaery , ellejay , AngelvMaynard , EvilHomer , babyninz , Sinfully , ily , Peggi , LikeSunshineDust , chicken12 , Rhazya , vanillaSpice , emilia , allybee , l'amour , zeebot , AmberM , allinonekid , Missmarc , aliceinthehole , solita , Cherrylane , eeep , Fun with Dick & Jane , nori , Lover of Leather , vampyroteuthidae , jessi2 , Willow Wand , Kabachu , LoveDove , kittychilla , Modern^Spank^Anthem , ginainohio , Lori Gonzales , marshmallow , Jaxxie Lifeless , PrincessYagami , katat
72  (89%)
Wait until it's recognized in Arkansas
ToyGurl , kendra30752
2  (2%)
Wait until we can travel somewhere it is recognized
padmeamidala , El-Jaro , ~LaUr3n~ , ehue1992 , Ms. Spice , DeliciousDrip , Tangerine
7  (9%)
Total votes: 81
Poll is closed
06/03/2011
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MaryExy MaryExy
If you know you can travel somewhere in the near future where it's legal, I'd say wait and travel; it could be nice getting away for the wedding. If it'll be a long time before you can travel, though, I'd definitely consider going ahead and doing it. If you get married elsewhere, will Arkansas recognize it when you come back?
06/03/2011
Taylor Taylor
I would say to go ahead and do it. You can always get the piece of paper later when it becomes legal, but who knows how long that will take? I know that for me the ceremony and making the promises to each other is more inportant than the piece of paper anyway.
06/03/2011
xi xi
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
If you know you can travel somewhere in the near future where it's legal, I'd say wait and travel; it could be nice getting away for the wedding. If it'll be a long time before you can travel, though, I'd definitely consider going ... More
Unfortunately Arkansas won't recognize it. As much as that stings, I'm not entirely sure we mind.

For us, it's the fact that we're making such a commitment before God that is so important.

I guess we just can't make up ours minds lol
06/03/2011
xi xi
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
I would say to go ahead and do it. You can always get the piece of paper later when it becomes legal, but who knows how long that will take? I know that for me the ceremony and making the promises to each other is more inportant than the piece of ... More
I definitely get where you're coming from. Fortunately we're good friends with a pastor who would gladly marry us. The piece of paper is important, yes, but not as important as standing at the altar and promising our lives to the other. (;
06/03/2011
Maeby Maeby
I agree with Taylor. If you're ready to get married, go ahead and have the ceremony--it's the emotional commitment that means more, in my opinion. I would also wonder if Arkansas will recognize your marriage if you marry legally in another state. I remember reading about a lesbian couple that married in one state but resided in a state in which gay marriage was illegal, and when the couple wanted to divorce their state of residence wouldn't let them do it (it's been a while, so I can't remember the details. I'm also not saying that would happen to you, just pointing out a weird, unforeseen complication.)
06/03/2011
Maeby Maeby
And I forgot to say, congratulations and best of luck to you!
06/03/2011
xi xi
Quote:
Originally posted by Maeby
And I forgot to say, congratulations and best of luck to you!
I see what you're saying. Fortunately I don't think we'll ever get divorced

We're most likely just gonna do it. I'm so excited!

Also, thanks and much appreciation from both of us <3
06/03/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
I'd say go ahead and do the ceremony in Arkansas if you have the people needed then, since getting married legally elsewhere wouldn't change Arkansas's mind. Mean old Arkansas ¬_¬
06/03/2011
xi xi
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
I'd say go ahead and do the ceremony in Arkansas if you have the people needed then, since getting married legally elsewhere wouldn't change Arkansas's mind. Mean old Arkansas ¬_¬
Agreed. Only thing I really hate about Arkansas is the closed mindedness of most of the population D:
06/03/2011
liilii080 liilii080
Why wait? If that is what you and your partner want then that's what you should do. The legal paper isn't what's important, it's that the two of you and your friends and family celebrate that the two of you are committing to each other and want to spend your lives together.
06/03/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Iowa's only a few states away!

I'd say go ahead and do it now and then when you can afford to travel, or whenever your state gets its head out of its ass, renew for the legal benefits.
06/03/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by xi
Living in Arkansas, I cannot marry my fiance because (of course) gay and lesbian marriage is not legal. However, we can have a civil ceremony performed, it just won't be state recognized. I'm wondering if we should just go ahead and have the ... More
As of TODAY (TA DA!) Illinois recognizes and performs Civil Unions. Why not make the commitment to someone you love? I say do it today. You could come to Illinois and have it done within the next few days.

Good luck and Congratulations.

AR doesn't even legalize sex toys, (It is AR, isn't it?) I wouldn't wait until they legalize or recognize any form of GLBT relationship.

Civil Unions are very valid in some states. I know you aren't looking to get divorced (I am not either, I understand. You're in love. ) In Illinois, it will take a court of law to dissolve a Civil Union, which in my opinion makes me believe the State takes this very seriously, which I am happy about. About time Illinois legalized this.
06/03/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
As of TODAY (TA DA!) Illinois recognizes and performs Civil Unions. Why not make the commitment to someone you love? I say do it today. You could come to Illinois and have it done within the next few days.

Good luck and Congratulations. ... More
Yay ILLINOIS! Is it me, or does it seem like the midwest is becoming more and more progressive? Farming states used to be the most conservative.
06/03/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Yay ILLINOIS! Is it me, or does it seem like the midwest is becoming more and more progressive? Farming states used to be the most conservative.
Illinois has always been pretty Liberal, with Chicago and all. Downstate is pretty conservative, but the population is less. Unfortunately, the county I live in is tragically conservative, to a fault sometimes. Funny, as so many here make fun of Chicago and their "tax and spend" and we have some of the highest property taxes in the state in our county!

But, I'm really proud of our state for the new law. The licenses were being issued yesterday and they started the ceremonies at midnight. The first 100 couples got a free ceremony and reception, courtesy of the City of Chicago. Rahm Emmanuel is going all out! Go RAHM!
06/03/2011
ToyBoy ToyBoy
I would do it now, because let's be honest, it will be a VERY LONG time before Arkansas will legalize gay marriage. It will pretty much have to become federal law for it to happen. I'm unfortunately stuck in Tennessee, and people are so uptight, conservative, and gay-hating. That's what you get in the bible belt.
06/03/2011
CuteDee CuteDee
= ) As long as you love each other and are happy, screw everyone else!! However, I do think you should have a ceremony cuz maybe if everyone did that, your state would see how serious ppl are about it. I really hope ANYBODY can get married, if they choose, one day!! Its unfair to "allow" only certain ppl to get married. Im a straight woman in a relationship w/a man and honestly, I dont think I ever will get married (by my own choice) so it makes me sad that others that WANT to get married, cant. = ( Good luck and I wish you a happy future!!!
06/03/2011
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Save yourselves the money and the hassle, just have a party and invite people. Then again, I'm a person who believes marriage is a legally binding contract on a piece of paper. From what I've heard from married couples, being married doesn't really change the relationship that much.
06/03/2011
Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Go for it! The marriage is what's important, and a wad of legal paperwork doesn't change that. Alan and I were married for years before we got that paper.
06/04/2011
Steve of Eden Steve of Eden
I say go ahead and have a ceremony for yourselves now if you want to get married now... you dont need anyone else's approval to show that you are devoted to each other... but if you care about legal stuff... definately travel and get it legal too...
06/27/2011
Nipplopulous Nipplopulous
Quote:
Originally posted by xi
Living in Arkansas, I cannot marry my fiance because (of course) gay and lesbian marriage is not legal. However, we can have a civil ceremony performed, it just won't be state recognized. I'm wondering if we should just go ahead and have the ... More
get married now and challenge it in court
06/29/2011
Owl Identified Owl Identified
Come to New York, we just got our shit together and it's legal here now...woohoo! You and your fiance are welcome here anytime.
06/29/2011
Lucky21 Lucky21
Stand up and do it! Think of it as an act of courage so that you voice your opinion that no law, or lack there of, can stop you form being happy.
08/13/2011
ElleBee ElleBee
xi, we're from Arkansas too! We got married last year in Oklahoma- not legally, of course, but we wanted to do it for ourselves. When it is legal here, we'll recommit in the eyes of the law. We thought about driving up to Iowa, but since it wouldn't be legal when we got back, we decided to wait.
08/18/2011
Beck Beck
Such bull that you can not get married! I think you should do it anyhow. You have every right to have a natural wedding however you wish. I am sorry that our laws do not except your rights. Makes me mad I even looked up to see a state that was closer to you there is not any. They are all up by Maine and such. I can not believe that in Washington DC you have the right to and not every where, just like with medical marijuana them damn politicians want everything for themselves, but not everyone. Selfish asses!!! I hope you all are truly happy together, congrats!
08/19/2011
mizzmilla mizzmilla
Why wait? The country will come around and then you can have another whole ceremony That's what my girlfriend and I probably will do.
08/20/2011
Spirited Passion Spirited Passion
I would go ahead and have the ceremony performed now so that your friends and family can enjoy your special day with you and your fiance. If you two are commited to each other enough to get married then the fact that it's not legal in your state should not stop you. If it being legally documented is what both of you want, then when you have the money to travel, you can go do it privatly knowing that your friends and family have already shared in your special day. I wish you two the best!!!
08/20/2011
zz1aag zz1aag
follow ur heart not the law
08/22/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by xi
Living in Arkansas, I cannot marry my fiance because (of course) gay and lesbian marriage is not legal. However, we can have a civil ceremony performed, it just won't be state recognized. I'm wondering if we should just go ahead and have the ... More
If it has meaning to YOU, which is what a marriage really is, outside of the legal aspect, then you should go ahead and do it....enjoy!
10/14/2011
Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Come to New York, we just got our shit together and it's legal here now...woohoo! You and your fiance are welcome here anytime.
Well...that IS another option, and NY is NOT a bad place to spend a couple days in any case!!!
10/14/2011
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