Does breastfeeding in public offend you?

It only bothers me because it represents yet another double standard in our society (and those always peeve me to no end). If I want to go topless on a hot day the way nature intended, I'll get arrested for indecent exposure since it's illegal to show a tit in public. But it's perfectly ok if you have a kid to attach to the end of it. Ridiculous, since neither one is a sexual display unless someone with a dirty mind is looking on. And yes, it's equally as irritating to me that men can legally run around with their tits hanging out too... especially when some of them have breasts bigger than mine! The parts are the same, so if some people can legally show them, everyone should be able to.

And before you say "Well, kids have to eat." Yes, that's true... every four to six hours if memory serves. And it isn't that difficult to plan your 1-2 hour restaurant visit around a baby's schedule. less

That's not true. Newborns need to nurse all the time. It would be quite a challenge to time your restaurant visits so that every time you're there the baby doesn't need to eat. Plus, its the most effective way to quiet a fussy baby even if they're not that hungry.

Blinker, what do you want? For breastfeeding moms to leave the restaurant time and again for your comfort? We had dinners out so often when my son was a baby. I would have hated to have to hide away in the car or a bathroom stall just to nurse, missing out on half of dinner each time.

I don't think I ever exposed myself in all the numerous times I breastfed in public. Its easier when you're as small on top as I am. When we went out to eat I wore a loose t-shirt, which covered half the baby during nursing. What the t-shirt didn't cover, his head did.

Our favorite restaurant was one where the manager would come over and take the baby for a while when he started fussing. less

I love to see women breastfeed because It's a wonderful. In today's world people are so quick to put man made products into their babies system instead of giving them natural mothers milk. My daughter would not breastfeed.. at all. SO I had to pump every single drop of milk that she drank for the first 6 months of her life. It was exhausting.. but I did it for her. So she can grow to be as strong and healthy as possible.

BUT I think that there is always a way to do it tastefully. Do I want to see some lady with her whole tit hanging out, half her nipple showing? No. Use a blanket, a breastfeeding wrap.. something. less

Blink, I think because you were never exposed to it, it seems like a weird thing. The more you are exposed to it, the less "weird" it will seem. And babies need to eat so frequently, and many babies simply CAN'T take "bottles" that breastfeeding "in public" is simply necessary.

Being a Lactation Nurse, my job is to help Moms and babies work this whole breastfeeding thing out. The thing is most babies, especially in the beginning, cannot just "take a bottle" while Mom is out because Nipple Confusion will screw up their ability to suckle properly. And the Mom's supply gets wonky, if she pumps too early, instead of feeding then DOESN'T feed when the baby is needing it.

Basically, for the first year or so, for breastfeeding to work, the baby has to get the Booby, when ever and where ever they NEED it. A Baby's wants and needs are the same thing, so if they "ask" to nurse, they NEED to nurse. And, when they are hungry, they can not wait. Hunger is physically painful for babies. Then, if you count in Nipple Confusion in my practice I see this as the Number One thing that fucks up breastfeeding. Most babies CANNOT learn to breastfeed if there are bottles in the picture, the sucking on the bottle and SUCKLING from the breast are to TOTALLY different physiological activities, and when the baby is learning to breastfeed (basically at least the first 8 to 12 weeks, minimum) if they get a bottle SOME (most) babies will have trouble the next time they nurse and some will even refuse to nurse. SO, to prevent nipple confusion, many Moms decide "no bottles" to keep breastfeeding up and going. There are some kids who can go back and forth, but it is more common for the bottles to mess up any progress for at least the first 12 weeks.

I know my oldest got terrible Nipple Confusion. They gave her a bottle before I even got a chance to feed her, and after that, she would scream every time she looked at my breast, the freaking nurses in the hospital (not listening to me) gave her bottles while I was sleeping, instead of waking me up, and it took me FOUR months to teach her to breastfeed properly I was NOT an LC then. It should NOT take this long, but I had no one to help me, but a few nice La Leche league Leaders, (There were few Lactation Consultants when I had my oldest baby) they were great, but I had to fix the Nipple Confusion myself. I worked on it for months, feeding her when she was nearly sleeping, walking while nursing, so she wouldn't "notice" feeding her with a cup or an eyedropper, and sometimes she would still refuse to nurse for a day or so at a time. I just keep working at it. Actually, when My Man finally took ALL the bottles (which I was still using at least once a day, while "trying" to teach this confused baby how to breastfeed, and every time she got a bottle it would screw up again) and put them in a garbage bag and put them on the curb! THEN we got it going No bottles, we fixed it. Baptism by fire. It worked.

Also, like many women I HATE pumping. I've done it when I have to (like when I was going to have to work a few hours (which is all I would do with babies, or see clients) but I REFUSE to get that damn pump out every time I leave the house for more than 2 hours. My breasts are right there, my baby is right there, the milk is actually best right from the breast, so I ALWAYS breastfed in public. Every kid, anywhere.

I figure, if ONE person saw me nursing (and I was discreet) and thought, "Oh, that isn't too bad, at least that baby isn't crying and ruining my dinner." then I was not only just feeding my kid, and emptying my breasts (which would hurt, if my baby was crying and I wasn't nursing her, but giving even pumped milk in a bottle) but I was also teaching people and normalizing a NORMAL thing to do with babies.

When I used to see clients and had to be away, My Man would feed the baby with a little cup. Even newborns can do this, I've fed pre-term babies with cups (so they could have milk, while their mom's worked on THEIR Nipple Confusion and not keep using bottles) My Man would be left with some of my milk and a little feeding cup (it looks like a medicine cup) and he would take a Jack Daniel's shot glass, put the milk in there, and feed the baby my milk that way. If he can cup feed, with his Ham Hands ANYBODY can.

So, after the Nightmare breastfeeding with Nipple Confusion and colic with my oldest one, I NEVER had a bottle in the house, ever again. None of my kids knew what a bottle was, they only had ME or the Jack Daniels shot glass with my milk in it, My Man would give them, when I had to see clients.

This worked for us, and I see it work for my clients. Mileage may vary, but if you get a baby who is susceptible to Nipple Confusion, every bottle will just add to the problem. And you don't know if you have one of the 80% to 90% of babies who WILL get Nipple Confusion in the first 12 weeks, UNTIL you give that first bottle. So, in our house, we simply didn't use them at all, after being whacked with a major case of all night screaming, depressed Mama (I couldn't give birth vaginally, even after a 54 hour labor and 3 and half hrs of pushing, so I figured, "If I can't do this breastfeeding thing.....") So, for me, it was a "MUST DO." and Nipple Confused Baby, we said "Never again" and the babies then rarely left my side, but if they did, they were fed without bottles. Many woman simply don't want to give bottles OR can't (I always say, "I failed as a bottle feeder.") so, as a baby's stomach can empty of human milk in as little as 20 minutes after a full feed, due to it's digestibility (or as long as 3 hours) if Mom wants to EVER leave the house, she HAS TO "breastfeed in public."

When I see a Mom nursing in public, I usually give her a thumbs up and a smile. I know there are cases when breastfeeding doesn't work out, so I always give new Moms with babies a smile, no matter HOW they are feeding, though. I don't know their situation, it isn't my business, and I LOVE babies and new moms, so it's all making me happy.

That's my take on it. less

I applaud your hard work, Syd. Pumping is NO fun. Doing it for every feeding is a real accomplishment! Kudos!

IMO, though the whole "blanket cover" thing screams "there's a tit in here!" It calls more attention to the Mom and baby, the blanket always falls off, babies HATE their little heads covered, (one of mine would SCREAM and knock the blanket off, or bite me until I removed it, she wanted FREEDOM to see and breathe) so IMO, discreet feeding is fine. And if a little skin is showing? So what. You usually see nothing, less than you see at a day at the beach, or even the mall.

I also think the MORE the public sees breastfeeding babies, in their natural state, the more desensitized to it they become.

face it, babies need to eat, bottles don't work for everyone (and some babies simply can't have them) so if Mom ever wants to leave the house for more than a hour or so, she's going to have to "Nurse in Public."

I used to get "offended" by a lot of shit I saw "in public" from the way some people chew their food, to people wearing clothes they have no business wearing "in public" to Mountain Dew in a 2 month old's bottle, BUT, I feel it is MY problem for being "offended" and not the person causing the "offense." We can choose to become less offended people, I certainly have.

All love intended. All comments made with an open heart and an open mind, and consideration for all. less

Blink, I think because you were never exposed to it, it seems like a weird thing. The more you are exposed to it, the less "weird" it will seem. And babies need to eat so frequently, and many babies simply CAN'T take "bottles" that breastfeeding "in public" is simply necessary.

Being a Lactation Nurse, my job is to help Moms and babies work this whole breastfeeding thing out. The thing is most babies, especially in the beginning, cannot just "take a bottle" while Mom is out because Nipple Confusion will screw up their ability to suckle properly. And the Mom's supply gets wonky, if she pumps too early, instead of feeding then DOESN'T feed when the baby is needing it.

Basically, for the first year or so, for breastfeeding to work, the baby has to get the Booby, when ever and where ever they NEED it. A Baby's wants and needs are the same thing, so if they "ask" to nurse, they NEED to nurse. And, when they are hungry, they can not wait. Hunger is physically painful for babies. Then, if you count in Nipple Confusion in my practice I see this as the Number One thing that fucks up breastfeeding. Most babies CANNOT learn to breastfeed if there are bottles in the picture, the sucking on the bottle and SUCKLING from the breast are to TOTALLY different physiological activities, and when the baby is learning to breastfeed (basically at least the first 8 to 12 weeks, minimum) if they get a bottle SOME (most) babies will have trouble the next time they nurse and some will even refuse to nurse. SO, to prevent nipple confusion, many Moms decide "no bottles" to keep breastfeeding up and going. There are some kids who can go back and forth, but it is more common for the bottles to mess up any progress for at least the first 12 weeks.

I know my oldest got terrible Nipple Confusion. They gave her a bottle before I even got a chance to feed her, and after that, she would scream every time she looked at my breast, the freaking nurses in the hospital (not listening to me) gave her bottles while I was sleeping, instead of waking me up, and it took me FOUR months to teach her to breastfeed properly I was NOT an LC then. It should NOT take this long, but I had no one to help me, but a few nice La Leche league Leaders, (There were few Lactation Consultants when I had my oldest baby) they were great, but I had to fix the Nipple Confusion myself. I worked on it for months, feeding her when she was nearly sleeping, walking while nursing, so she wouldn't "notice" feeding her with a cup or an eyedropper, and sometimes she would still refuse to nurse for a day or so at a time. I just keep working at it. Actually, when My Man finally took ALL the bottles (which I was still using at least once a day, while "trying" to teach this confused baby how to breastfeed, and every time she got a bottle it would screw up again) and put them in a garbage bag and put them on the curb! THEN we got it going No bottles, we fixed it. Baptism by fire. It worked.

Also, like many women I HATE pumping. I've done it when I have to (like when I was going to have to work a few hours (which is all I would do with babies, or see clients) but I REFUSE to get that damn pump out every time I leave the house for more than 2 hours. My breasts are right there, my baby is right there, the milk is actually best right from the breast, so I ALWAYS breastfed in public. Every kid, anywhere.

I figure, if ONE person saw me nursing (and I was discreet) and thought, "Oh, that isn't too bad, at least that baby isn't crying and ruining my dinner." then I was not only just feeding my kid, and emptying my breasts (which would hurt, if my baby was crying and I wasn't nursing her, but giving even pumped milk in a bottle) but I was also teaching people and normalizing a NORMAL thing to do with babies.

When I used to see clients and had to be away, My Man would feed the baby with a little cup. Even newborns can do this, I've fed pre-term babies with cups (so they could have milk, while their mom's worked on THEIR Nipple Confusion and not keep using bottles) My Man would be left with some of my milk and a little feeding cup (it looks like a medicine cup) and he would take a Jack Daniel's shot glass, put the milk in there, and feed the baby my milk that way. If he can cup feed, with his Ham Hands ANYBODY can.

So, after the Nightmare breastfeeding with Nipple Confusion and colic with my oldest one, I NEVER had a bottle in the house, ever again. None of my kids knew what a bottle was, they only had ME or the Jack Daniels shot glass with my milk in it, My Man would give them, when I had to see clients.

This worked for us, and I see it work for my clients. Mileage may vary, but if you get a baby who is susceptible to Nipple Confusion, every bottle will just add to the problem. And you don't know if you have one of the 80% to 90% of babies who WILL get Nipple Confusion in the first 12 weeks, UNTIL you give that first bottle. So, in our house, we simply didn't use them at all, after being whacked with a major case of all night screaming, depressed Mama (I couldn't give birth vaginally, even after a 54 hour labor and 3 and half hrs of pushing, so I figured, "If I can't do this breastfeeding thing.....") So, for me, it was a "MUST DO." and Nipple Confused Baby, we said "Never again" and the babies then rarely left my side, but if they did, they were fed without bottles. Many woman simply don't want to give bottles OR can't (I always say, "I failed as a bottle feeder.") so, as a baby's stomach can empty of human milk in as little as 20 minutes after a full feed, due to it's digestibility (or as long as 3 hours) if Mom wants to EVER leave the house, she HAS TO "breastfeed in public."

When I see a Mom nursing in public, I usually give her a thumbs up and a smile. I know there are cases when breastfeeding doesn't work out, so I always give new Moms with babies a smile, no matter HOW they are feeding, though. I don't know their situation, it isn't my business, and I LOVE babies and new moms, so it's all making me happy.

That's my take on it. less

It only bothers me because it represents yet another double standard in our society (and those always peeve me to no end). If I want to go topless on a hot day the way nature intended, I'll get arrested for indecent exposure since it's illegal to show a tit in public. But it's perfectly ok if you have a kid to attach to the end of it. Ridiculous, since neither one is a sexual display unless someone with a dirty mind is looking on. And yes, it's equally as irritating to me that men can legally run around with their tits hanging out too... especially when some of them have breasts bigger than mine! The parts are the same, so if some people can legally show them, everyone should be able to.

And before you say "Well, kids have to eat." Yes, that's true... every four to six hours if memory serves. And it isn't that difficult to plan your 1-2 hour restaurant visit around a baby's schedule. less

P'Gell, this is one of the many reasons I love you. I had NO idea that this was so complicated and intense. Thank you for opening my eyes up and giving me a greater appreciation for why mommies do this. I used the word "disgust" which, I admit, IS a strong word, and I regret saying it disgusts me. I knew you were a Lactation Consultant, but had no idea it was soooooo intense. I didn't really understand, well, anything about it until just now.

This is why I love these forums. And I really do learn something new every day from reading your posts, hon. less

P'Gell, this is one of the many reasons I love you. I had NO idea that this was so complicated and intense. Thank you for opening my eyes up and giving me a greater appreciation for why mommies do this. I used the word "disgust" which, I admit, IS a strong word, and I regret saying it disgusts me. I knew you were a Lactation Consultant, but had no idea it was soooooo intense. I didn't really understand, well, anything about it until just now.

This is why I love these forums. And I really do learn something new every day from reading your posts, hon. less

I applaud your hard work, Syd. Pumping is NO fun. Doing it for every feeding is a real accomplishment! Kudos!

IMO, though the whole "blanket cover" thing screams "there's a tit in here!" It calls more attention to the Mom and baby, the blanket always falls off, babies HATE their little heads covered, (one of mine would SCREAM and knock the blanket off, or bite me until I removed it, she wanted FREEDOM to see and breathe) so IMO, discreet feeding is fine. And if a little skin is showing? So what. You usually see nothing, less than you see at a day at the beach, or even the mall.

I also think the MORE the public sees breastfeeding babies, in their natural state, the more desensitized to it they become.

face it, babies need to eat, bottles don't work for everyone (and some babies simply can't have them) so if Mom ever wants to leave the house for more than a hour or so, she's going to have to "Nurse in Public."

I used to get "offended" by a lot of shit I saw "in public" from the way some people chew their food, to people wearing clothes they have no business wearing "in public" to Mountain Dew in a 2 month old's bottle, BUT, I feel it is MY problem for being "offended" and not the person causing the "offense." We can choose to become less offended people, I certainly have.

All love intended. All comments made with an open heart and an open mind, and consideration for all. less

It is a little intense... I was home hooked up to tubes constantly like a cow in a diary. Leaving the house for a few hours without pumping and I would come home with boobs so painfully swollen with milk, I had to get a car charger so I could pump in my car when I was out.

Breastfeeding is so, SO good for your baby.. but man it's a hell of alot harder than shaking up some formula. less

Thank you P'Gell.

I guess I didn't really think about the blanket because my daughter would NOT feed. She, like your daughter, was given a bottle in the hospital before my milk came in. ughh.

You are right, the more we see it the more desensitized we will become. I don't think it's as strange in Europe, it's more common to breastfeed. We I was pregnant some of the girls I worked with asked me If I was going to breastfeed. I was undecided at the time. One of my good friends is from Russia and she told me... "what do you mean you are unsure? It's what you do. They are made for this.. to feed your baby." She was a little older than the rest of us and was new to America. She never really realized that Americans don't usually breastfeed. less

Yeah, my mother and her mother-in-law battled about it (this was the mid-late 1970's). My grandmother raised her kids in the 1950's where 'you bottle-fed, no ifs-ands-or-buts about it'. She and my grandfather refused to let her nurse in their house! My dad (their son) was more open about it. It never occurred to my mother to ask if he was okay with it until YEARS later, and he said "Well, I thought you knew what you were doing."

A peculiar thing my mother noticed while being in NICU (newborn intensive care unit) were the amount of fathers who demanded the mothers NOT breastfeed, because they believed 'their' women's breasts were their property! WTF?? less

Wow, I've only seen that a few times (the man telling the woman not to. If a man told me that, he's be an EX-husband and he'd have to get the National Guard out just to see his kid. HOW can some people be so ignorant? PROPERTY? To the point where the child could suffer? (NICU babies especially need human milk, their immune systems are so fragile, not getting human milk could mean the difference between life and death.)

Hell, I'm sexually a Sub, but when we have babies in the house, They come first, no question. I make the decisions when it comes to Baby Care.

And, breasts CAN be shared.... less

Wow, the "rules" have sure changed then. Mine was a preemie (thus needing more nutrition) and even for him the feedings were not a constant thing. It was every two hours until he was a few months old, and then every 4-6 hours. They also didn't condone women dragging babies out in public until they were a few months old. It had to do with not exposing their immune systems to too many viruses and germs and all that.
At any rate, I couldn't care less if women want to take their kids out wet from the womb and feed them in the middle of a New York subway station. I just don't like the double standard. less

Yeah, my mother and her mother-in-law battled about it (this was the mid-late 1970's). My grandmother raised her kids in the 1950's where 'you bottle-fed, no ifs-ands-or-buts about it'. She and my grandfather refused to let her nurse in their house! My dad (their son) was more open about it. It never occurred to my mother to ask if he was okay with it until YEARS later, and he said "Well, I thought you knew what you were doing."

A peculiar thing my mother noticed while being in NICU (newborn intensive care unit) were the amount of fathers who demanded the mothers NOT breastfeed, because they believed 'their' women's breasts were their property! WTF?? less

I love to see women breastfeed because It's a wonderful. In today's world people are so quick to put man made products into their babies system instead of giving them natural mothers milk. My daughter would not breastfeed.. at all. SO I had to pump every single drop of milk that she drank for the first 6 months of her life. It was exhausting.. but I did it for her. So she can grow to be as strong and healthy as possible.

BUT I think that there is always a way to do it tastefully. Do I want to see some lady with her whole tit hanging out, half her nipple showing? No. Use a blanket, a breastfeeding wrap.. something. less

My grandma said the same thing. When my mom was born in 64' you just bottle fed. There was no question. I think if you could afford formula, breastfeeding was kind of being looked down on as something poor people "had to do" because they had no other choice.

When my grandpa was born he was so small and weak they thought that he wasn't going to make it. She my great grandma fed him and then put him in a basket next to the wood stove to keep him warm. When he woke her up crying the next morning she figured he was strong enough to make it through the night, so she would try to nurse him back to health. Isn't that the craziest shit ever? She said she just couldn't afford to have a sickly child. less

OMG. My grandma has a very similar story with her first baby, who was born in the 1920s. The baby was born too early, and weighed about 3 lbs, too. The doctor told her to take the baby home to die (she only went to the hospital because she thought they could stop the early labor, they couldn't.)

My Aunt slept in a SHOE BOX near the wood stove. My grandma (who was a teenager, with a Gangster boyfriend, who AFAIK, didn't marry her) slept on a small couch next to the stove. My Grandma nursed to life with her milk, and in between the baby slept in that shoe box.

My aunt lived until last year, almost 90 years old. less

What an awesome ending to the story of your aunt's life! So glad your grandma was determined to nurse her to life. That is amazing that she was able to nurture a tiny little preemie without any assistance or aid. That's the kind of inspiring story we all love to hear. A mother's love can move mountains. less

OMG. My grandma has a very similar story with her first baby, who was born in the 1920s. The baby was born too early, and weighed about 3 lbs, too. The doctor told her to take the baby home to die (she only went to the hospital because she thought they could stop the early labor, they couldn't.)

My Aunt slept in a SHOE BOX near the wood stove. My grandma (who was a teenager, with a Gangster boyfriend, who AFAIK, didn't marry her) slept on a small couch next to the stove. My Grandma nursed to life with her milk, and in between the baby slept in that shoe box.

My aunt lived until last year, almost 90 years old. less