Glamazons by HeartCore Films - review by jedent

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Cognitive Dissonance

If you're into seeing a chick rip the head off of a Barbie Doll and then fuck herself with the legs of the decapitated doll, then this is your show! Prepare for long, drawn out softcore lesbian scenes and lackluster performances that you can't even get off to by listening to the audio as it's all been replaced by really irritating music.
Published:
Pros:
Softcore for those who don't like super hard stuff.
Cons:
Boring, somewhat disturbing masturbation scene, music too loud during scenes.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
So this is supposed to be an art appreciative porn. April Flores and Ruby Violence start the show with some fairly softcore lesbian action while a dude paints them in their various stages of passion play--I mean if you could call it passion play, as it was more like "tee hee" *lick lick* "tee hee hee" *kiss* and such. Generally speaking, we usually watch a little harder core porn than this, so weird camera angles while April's face is buried in something that you never get to see close up really kind of struck the four of us as boring.

Four meaning myself (a woman,) my boyfriend, my ex, and my best friend (who is a male with a crush on Ms. Flores.)

I mean the idea of a dude painting them while they were getting it on was kind of cool and everything, but the art was...ugly. I don't want to say that it was "bad art" because I'm not sure that this is the place to argue whether art could ever be bad, but the paintings were like watercolor impressionism and it made their faces look all melty. It added nothing to the already boring softcore sex going on in the scene.

The worst part is that there is no sound, it's just annoying music. So if you like to hear moans and pants, you won't.

But the scene does change to a few other scenarios, such as performances by April's team of contortionist pole dancers, but one of the scenarios is probably one of the strangest masturbation scenes I've ever come across. The scene features April, who seductively sex-glares at the camera as she rips the head off of a Barbie Doll, and adds it to the pile of 8 or 9 Barbie Doll heads between her legs on the bed. She then proceeds to fuck herself with the headless Barbie's legs, which for everyone here caused a sort of cognitive dissonance type feeling.

Granted, someone somewhere is going to find this big Glamazon Warrior destroying Barbie "the bitch who has everything and makes women feel ashamed of their bodies" totally hot. After all, there's a market for every fetish, which is why they make a foot with a vagina in it and sell it as a sex toy. In our collective opinion, watching her do that and then fuck herself with what remained of Barbie's body was just as off putting as watching a dude fuck a newborn baby doll. Nobody is being harmed, and yet my childhood still feels raped somehow.

It does end with a scene of April finally taking a dick. She has mediocre sex with a man on a bed and makes a lot of fake moaning noises. No closeups, and nothing particularly hot about it.

As for April herself, who I mentioned before is actually crushed on by my friend, she's not that incredibly hot. What she's doing to represent the bigger girls (and I do love the name "Fatty D" by the way) is way awesome, and the guys here all agree that she's pretty and all, but as a porn actress...I guess her stuff is a little soft for our taste. Now give us April in a hard core gang bang and tons of female ejaculation and we've got ourselves a stew going.

For now? I'd say that the hard core junkies should consider this film a bust and go find something with more butt probing and closeups of the pink.
Follow-up commentary
I lent this to a friend who is a total porn freak, especially when it comes to the big girls. It's been about a year and he still hasn't watched it. Pretty sure that's a sign.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Airen Wolf
    What a shame, Sigel likes April Flores but I doubt he'd be all het up over a barbie doll mutillation. Ah well another crossed off the list, I doubt soft core would do any of the three of us any good.
  • Blinker
    This just sounds awful, but your review made me giggle.
  • Kayla
    I was totally looking forward to this. Sad. I guess it wasn't as good as I thought it would be.
  • kck
    Your review. Made me. L.O.L. Thank you.
  • buzzvibe
    Sounds like a bummer. Awesome review, though.
  • Penguin
    Sound slike nothing that I would like. Thanks for the review.
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