Joined At The Hip by Vivid - review by Girly Juice

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Joined At The Hip Joined At The Hip

DVD by Vivid

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Twins Fucking People

The performers in Joined At The Hip certainly aren't going to win any acting awards, but you might still like this video if you're into threesomes, twins, oral sex, James Deen, and/or Jack Lawrence.
Published:
Pros:
James Deen
Jack Lawrence
Good pussy-eating
Kind of funny
Cons:
Awful acting
Annoying fake moans
Few female orgasms
Rating by reviewer:
3
useful review
I have to be honest: the main reason I requested this DVD to review is that, due to its title, I was half-hoping it would turn out to be some sort of grossly, hilariously offensive porno about conjoined twins.

It is about twins, but they are not conjoined... which probably made for a better film in the end, anyway.

Let me get one thing straight - I am not really a fan of mainstream porn like this. I don't actually know if Vivid is considered a maker of mainstream porn, but this film has all the usual hallmarks of mainstream porn (repetitive/fake moaning, bottle-blonde beauties, focused primarily on male pleasure and male perspective) so I will lump it into that category nonetheless.

This film basically embodies everything I dislike about mainstream porn. It still has its hot moments from time to time, though.

The basic premise is that a pair of twins is trying to get to the AVN Awards, but they get hopelessly lost and meet several people along the way - people who, naturally, they have sex with.

The acting in this film is horrendously, laughably bad, but that's to be expected in a porno. Seriously though, these twins are awful actresses. There are countless incidents throughout the film where they say things in unison, apparently because they're twins and that's what twins supposedly do, and it's just amazingly badly acted.

The first sex scene is a pretty standard threesome scene. The girls hook up with an auto mechanic, played by a guy who's decently attractive but nothing really special. They do all the typical threesome things, including a two-girl blowjob, and that wonderful position where one girl sits on the guy's face while the other girl rides his cock. There's also some inventive variations, like when the guy licks one girl's pussy while finger-fucking the other.

By the end of this scene, I'd realized I was going to be severely annoyed at having to listen to these girls moan for the whole duration of the DVD. Normally moaning doesn't bother me, but these girls have high-pitched, repetitive moans that sound utterly fake and hollow 90% of the time. As with most mainstream porn, there didn't seem to be any genuine female orgasms, or much genuine female pleasure at all, for that matter.

So the first scene was just okay - but then, in the next scene, James Deen showed up in a chef costume, playing a cook at a local restaurant. You know things are about to get good when James Deen appears.

James is actually a decent actor. I don't know how that happened, since no one else in porn seems capable of acting worth a damn, but he actually comes off as pretty natural and real (not to mention very cute).

There's a really funny moment where James tells the girls he's got a daily special of "bun on a stick" - he leaves the room for a moment, then comes back with a hot dog bun wrapped around his dick. I'm pretty sure he's the only person alive who could make this seem funny and cute rather than ridiculous and weird.

If you're a Deen fan, you'll probably appreciate this scene. He pulls all his usual tricks: he appreciatively receives a BJ, talks dirty in the sweetest way, and fucks like a champ. Plus he wears a chef's hat for much of the scene, and looks oddly adorable in it. (At one point it falls off and he puts it back on. Ahhhh, I love him.)

The girls seem to experience actual pleasure and possibly actual orgasms in this scene. But of course, that's no surprise - it's James fucking Deen.
Experience
After that, there's a random scene with an annoying brunette girl (not one of the twins) and a hot guy with a kind of metrosexual vibe. I recognized him from another DVD I reviewed, Women On Top, and I liked him in that too. This scene is kind of hot - it involves a BJ at a truck stop, followed by some pussy-eating (which this guy is really good at), and then some fucking.

This scene has something you don't see too often in porn: the dude gives the chick a G-spot orgasm using just his fingers. It looks pretty damn real, too; I don't think she faked it. I found this whole scene really hot because the two performers have great chemistry and the pleasure seems genuine, plus I think the guy is really foxy.

The next scene also involves a random couple (a different one) who the twins run into. It's an older man, who I didn't find attractive at all, and a younger woman who was super hot. He offers her a selection of dildos to use, but she turns down all of them and tells him to eat her pussy. What follows is a nice (and rare for mainstream porn) cunnilingus scene... while the twins eat cereal and watch.

There aren't any good close-ups on the pussy-licking action, so if you need close-ups to get turned on, this scene will be a fail for you.

In the last scene, the girls order a male escort from the hotel they're staying in, and he turns out to be Jack Lawrence - another porn hunk for whom I have a bit of a soft spot. The girls team up to give him a BJ and then one of them sits on his face.

I wish the filmmakers had gotten a better angle of Jack eating this girl out. He's a champion pussy-licker and they could have showed it off much better.

The video ends with the girls sitting naked together on a couch, smoking cigarettes and basking in the afterglow.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • Geogeo
    Geogeo  
    thanks, ill pass on this one
  • Bleu
    Bleu  
    Thanks for the review.
  • leatherlover
    leatherlover  
    Thanks for the review.
  • edeneve
    edeneve  
    great review - detailed.
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